Young Sheldon

The Clean Air Act required all new cars

to be equipped with catalytic converters

to combat air pollution.

The first state to do this was California,

which led Texans to say things like...

- I hate California. - And...

When will that place fall in the ocean?

While not everyone was happy about it,

six years later, one particular Texan

saw an opportunity to get rich quick.

Oh, man, I'm gonna get rich quick.

I just got my ticket out of here.

Adios.

I'm serious. This thing is full of tips

on how to make a fortune. Only cost me a dollar.

Is one of the tips "make a crappy newsletter

and charge idiots a dollar for it"?

No, but not a bad idea.

Listen to this: "Raise bees and sell the honey for profit."

Do it, and I'm living with Meemaw.

"Sell blood or non-vital organs."

Mm, give 'em your brain. You're not using it.

I think that's the only time I've ever heard you laugh.

That's the only time you've ever been funny.

Oh, platinum can be extracted from ordinary roadside gravel.

No, it can't.

Actually, it can.

Catalytic converters contain platinum.

Microparticles of that platinum

are expelled in the exhaust

and are mixed in with the gravel.

See? This thing's a gold mine.

It would be more apt to call it a platinum mine.

I laughed at your joke.

- Strike! - Keep your eye on the ball.

Strike two.

You got this!

Strike three.

- You're out. - Hey, ump,

you're blind.

- She swung and missed. - Fine.

Hey ump, you're bald.

Better?

Come on. You can do this, girl.

Strike one.

You can do it, sweetheart.

Strike two.

Strike three.

I still think you can do it, sweetheart.

Strike one.

Strike two.

Strike three. You're out.

Strike one.

Strike two.

Strike three. You're out.

It's okay, Cooper. You'll get 'em next time.

Want to go to Dairy Queen?

I don't deserve Dairy Queen.

It's not your fault, honey.

That other pitcher was almost a grown man.

I think I saw him at the bar last night.

Y-You're just going through a little slump.

Happens to everyone.

Well, how do I get out of it?

When I've been at the craps table...

George, you give advice.

Oh, smart. Man's been in a slump his whole life.

You just got to get out of your head.

You... you're thinking too much.

I promise thinking too much has never been my problem.

When I'm feeling down, do you know what I do?

Pray.

It works.

In fact, I'm gonna pray for you tonight.

Everybody prays to God at night.

Do it now while he's got some free time.

Hey what you doing?

Playing a historically accurate game called The Oregon Trail.

That sounds boring.

Hardly. My wagon broke an axle, and my wife died of dysentery.

Well, can you pause it for a sec?

It does seems rude to push on to Oregon

while my daughter Mabel is mourning the loss of her mother.

What can I do for you?

Remember when we were talking about platinum in gravel?

Do you know how to get it out?

It's not a complicated principle.

I could probably do it with my Professor Proton chemistry set.

- Great. - And an oven that reaches 2,000 degrees.

Does our oven do that?

No, but I read you can build one

out of a garbage can and a leaf blower.

Cool. Let's mine some platinum.

No, thank you. I don't care about money.

But you care about science, right?

Of course.

So I offer you the chance to do an experiment

and you'd rather play a video game?

What would Professor Proton think?

He'd be disappointed.

So what do you say?

I say we collect gravel.

There you go.

In case you're worried,

Mabel and I did finally make it to Oregon,

where I remarried and lived to the ripe old age of 41.

All right, Cooper, remember what I told you, okay?

Knees bent, elbows out,

eye on the ball.

Hang on.

Hi, God. It's Missy Cooper.

I know my mom talked to you about me the other day,

and she's, like, your biggest fan.

Hey, what's going on?

What, did you fall asleep?

Sorry, I was praying.

Oh, my apologies.

Anyway, I could really use your help getting a hit.

Amen.

- Okay. - Are we good?

I don't know. We'll find out.

Okay, remember,

elbows up,

knees bent.

I'm coming at you, Cooper.

Way to go. Perfect.

Thank you, God.

How about, "Thank you, Coach"?

- Thank you, Coach. - Too late.

This should be a good spot.

It's a high-traffic area, which means plenty of exhaust,

and therefore plenty of platinum.

Great. Let's get shoveling.

You ain't gonna help?

No.

How was practice?

Great. I hit the ball further than anyone.

Sounds like a little prayer helped after all.

- I guess it did. - You seem surprised.

Well, God knows everything,

and I have some pretty evil thoughts.

Oh, Missy.

Ooh, what if I start wearing a cross

so God knows I mean business?

You could also clean up your thinking.

Nah.

What's taking so long?

It'd be faster if you helped.

Well, we know that's not happening.

I know you got your hands full with all that sad stuff,

like disease and war and hunger and poverty,

so thanks again for helping me get some hits at practice.

Amen.

Don't forget to ask him to keep our family safe and healthy.

I just hung up. Don't make me call him back.

Should I be wearing all that?

I recommend it. Those rocks are filthy.

I'm good.

God made dirt. Dirt don't hurt.

Where do we start?

The first step is to put the gravel in these colanders,

and then sift it over the tray to collect the dust.

It's like finding money in the street.

Why do you care so much about money?

You saw Back to the Future when their dad's rich at the end,

his wife is all skinny and loves him way more.

So you want a wife who loves you because you have money?

A skinny wife.

I have something for you.

You said you wanted a cross,

and this is the one I used to wear when I was your age.

It's so pretty.

I'm glad you like it.

It's a nice reminder that wherever you are,

God is always with you.

And it means a lot to me that you want to wear it.

Thanks, Mom. I'm gonna pray right now.

God, it's Missy again.

If you can hear me better, it's 'cause I'm wearing a cross now.

Please let me get a lot of hits on Saturday.

And if their star pitcher breaks his arm or gets run over

by a truck, I'd totally be okay with that.

Amen.

Amen.

Now we have to sift the powder again

because the platinum particles are extremely small,

sometimes no more than just a few atoms.

If I was as smart as you, I'd play the stock market.

Or go on Price Is Right.

I'd rather spend my time focusing on important things,

like figuring out how the universe works.

So, say you figure out how the universe works. Then what?

I'm not sure, but in the meantime,

I agree with Richard Feynman.

I simply enjoy the pleasure of finding things out.

I agree with the Beastie Boys.

You got to fight for your right to party.

Well, it's good to have a personal philosophy.

- What's next? - We create a chemical flux

by combining borax, sodium carbonate,