Bruiser

Radio host:...million of you guys out there.

- Host: What's going on? - Man: Something I wanna do.

- Host: What do you wanna do? - Man: I wanna kill myself.

Well, that doesn't--

- Man: I have a gun. - Host: Have you loaded it?

Host: I'm sorry-- I'm sorry. I just--

I just can't take these things seriously.

A lot of you guys phone in, half the time you guys are cranks.

Host: Hello?

Host: Well it takes all kinds. We're gonna take another caller.

- Host: You're on line two. - Man #2: I'm here.

Host: Are you all right?

Man #2: Like you give a shit whether I live or die!

Host: I'm a regular guy, I know what it's like.

Man #2: Regular guy, my ass!

They don't pay me a million dollars to sit there and talk to people.

Host: Well, they're not paying me for that either.

They pay me to stir it up, to try and get some dialogue going.

That's why I'm here, I just wanna get dialogue going with you.

I don't want you to shoot yourself.

Man #2: My old man drops dead, that's the point.

Host: I'm sorry, I didn't know that.

Man #2: He leaves me his house.

40 years he's been in this house, that's all he's got.

Host: Yeah, well you lived--

Man #2: He leaves it to me, and what happens?

Inheritance tax, land tax,

school tax, you're-lucky-to-be-alive tax!

- Man #2: I lost the place. - Host: You never--

Man #2: The bank sold it out from under me.

Host: Oh man...

Man #2: The guy spends his life working,

paying what he owes, doing what he's supposed to do.

Can't leave his house to his only kid...

what kind of mark has he made?

Host: Listen, chief,

we can all go home and listen to our own ranting and ravings--

Man #2: You shovel sh--( beep ) all your life,

and you don't even leave a mark?

It's like... you shouldn't bother.

It's like you've never been here at all!

Host: No man, he left his mark. He left you.

I don't think your old man's gonna appreciate you kicking off--

- ( gunshot ) - Host: Obviously--

Host: Hello? Hi... hello?

We got a... we have a line?

66QRZ, we're taking a break. We'll be right back.

Babe?

Janine?

God, you're so...

Christ! Is it morning already?

- I'm sorry I woke you. - Shut the drapes.

Go back to sleep.

I'll be home... regular time.

No, we're supposed to go to the thing.

- What thing? - Barbecue.

Oh.

Jesus, he's your boss, Henry.

Did you shut the drapes? I still feel light on my face.

The light. I got it.

Bye.

You know, it's incredible.

Some guy just killed himself on the radio.

It takes all kinds.

Shit! Now I'm awake!

Wide awake.

This is people food, not mouse food.

Janine: She learned how to do that.

Oh, it's cute.

Would you mind callin' her, please?

Janine: All you have to do is unplug the stupid thing.

Janine, do you mind calling her?

Please.

Henry: Janine?

Man: ( chuckle ) Why walk when you can fly, baby?

- Jimbo, what is that? - My new ride. Get in.

I tell you, if I could fuck a car, I'd never leave my garage.

- Jimbo: What do you think? - Oh, she's hot.

She is hot!

- Wanna see what she can do? - Guess I'm gonna.

Oh yeah, you're gonna.

Whoa...

Come on baby, whoo.

Jesus Christ, could you just slow down?

d I've got everything I need... almost d

- d But I don't got you... d - ( honk )

d You're the one I need the most. d

Always wanted one of these babies.

Cost me a bundle, but I tell you,

some things are just worth it. Best money I ever spent.

- Jimbo: So I dumped Consolidated. - Henry: Westerman?

Uh... sold.

You took a bite on it.

Graves was up 1/8th, but remember you bought high...

against my recommendation.

You did all right on Stimper though.

Cut to the chase. What am I getting?

You already got it, it's in your account,

- 1 2 and change. - 1 2?

I already told you, the market's in the toilet.

Even so, I figured...

Ah, shit! That's just my luck. I expected to net--

Christ! You make it sound like I shortchanged you.

No, no, it's not that.

I just expected it to be more.

I always expect it to be more.

Look Jimbo, I'm house-poor.

I don't even own the house yet.

I'm stretching the work to afford it.

You get the report at the end of the month.

I should pay more attention. Janine looks after the finances.

I told you this was a bad idea.

Money and friends just don't mix.

Stop it!

Who better to trust than my oldest and best buddy, huh?

Huh? Come on.

Jimbo: 1 2:30, the club. Call what's-her-name my secretary.

- Betty. - Right. Work it out with her.

Excuse me.

You--

Man: Hey!

What the hell are you doing?

Good mornin', Rita.

Rita?

Rita?

Do you ever listen to the Larry Case show?

No, but Frank told me.

Some asshole blew his brains out.

I tell you, it takes all kinds.

Good morning.

Did anyone hear the Larry--

- Did you watch Elsa last night? - The Deevers Collection?

Oh, God. The last creative thing Rip ever did,

was to get himself a breast implant.

I have a friend who knows him, like really well.

She says he wanted tits so he could see

how his clothes would hang on a person with tits.

Oh yeah.

- Coffee? - Definitely.

Woman: Hey, morning.

Rosemary? What are you doing here?

September cover. Milo asked me to pick out some new faces.

- I like this one. - Yeah?

- Which one's your candidate? - Milo's gonna go with that one.

Henry: Number seven. My lucky number.

- But you haven't even seen her. - I don't need to.

- Your choice is my choice. - I didn't say she was--

Buon giorno, bruisers!

Are you okay?

Listen up, guys.

All right...

- Milo: Bruisers! - All: Bruisers.

Milo: All right!

We've been paying close to $300,000 for a face...

just because it's hot!

Milo: That's insane, isn't it?

Milo: I mean, we're hot, and we make heat.

So, from now on...

Rosie's got the cover.

I'm not actually gonna be on the cover--

Oh, you ought to be, babe! You'd knock 'em dead!

- ( gasp ) - ( laughs )

Man: You're the number one photographer.

I asked Rosie, "Pick me faces from the street,

that I can own, and that I can buy...

for nothing."

Milo: I have never seen any of these chickies before.

But in a minute, I'll pick September's cover!

It's instinct, you know?

You've heard of that? Impulse?

Those lima beans hanging between your legs,

those are balls!

Maybe you forgot what they look like?

Huh!

- Man: Hello? - ( laughs )

Milo: Now if you find nothing down there in-between your legs,

stay home.

But if you find a pair of maracas,

get your ass over here and start shaking!

Yeah, get fired.

Show any kind of balls around here, you get a pink slip.

Let's rock and roll.

We've got 1 0 candidates, one to 1 0.

So who do you pick? Who do you like? Come on.

- Number seven. - Who said that?

- Henry, sir. It's me. - Oh, Henry.

So we've got one vote for number seven from Henry.

- Come on, who else? - Number two.

- Milo: Number two? - Man: Number three.

- All right? - Woman: Number ten.

- It's gotta be number ten. - Man: She's great.

Oh for-- have you seen her teeth?

Bad teeth.

No way, no way.

No way, no way.

Come on, we've seen this face a hundred times before, haven't we?

This is like yesterday's pizza.

- Cold! - Woman: '80s.

We've got number seven, we've got number nine. Who do you like now?

I'm still going for number seven, sir.