Ripped

Mm.

Mm-mm-mm.

Dude, this is good chili.

What's in this?

Can't tell you.

Mom's secret recipe.

Oh yeah?

Yo man, how many of these seeds you think we've

thrown over here over the past couple of years?

Huh?

What, a quadrillion?

Is that a real number?

I don't know if it's a real number and a fake

word, or a fake word and a real number.

It's like, how come the weed won't grow?

Man, we found the only spot in the northwest

where weed won't grow.

It's not good.

Come on dude, let's go.

We're gonna be late picking up Debbie.

-Let's do this. -Let's do it!

Come on.

Come on man!

Hey!

Hold up! Wait up, wait up. I forgot my bike, hold on.

Hi, Mr. Sanchez.

I'm Harris, Debbie's boyfriend.

We're here to take Debbie to the raising hell concert.

Is she ready?

What up dude?

I mean sir dude.

You've got to be kidding me.

I know, women right?

Never ready on time.

No, we'll wait.

Hey, by any chance you got any munchy snacks?

I know you got 'em.

Don't you hold out on me!

Mm!

Mmm!

So Debbie tells me you're not planning on

going to college.

No sir.

We don't need college.

Reeves and I are going to start our own business and

live off the grid.

That's right.

Off the what?

Oh, well, you know.

Not get caught up in the whole corporate rat race.

Corporations kill the working man.

- I got this. - -Yeah, I.

It's a really cool idea.

-Are you ready? -Mhm.

Reeves and I drive around the country selling coffee

on street corners.

Wow!

-Right? -Right?

Yo, dude, okay.

And then sometimes we'll just set up right in the

middle of the street if

-there ain't no corners! -Yeah!

-You know what I mean? -Absolutely.

Where the corner at?

You want a whip it?

Mm.

Whip it?

I was wrong about you boys.

I want to apologize.

Oh, no need.

And this idea of yours is one surefire plan for

success.

-Yes, baby, yes! -Mhmm!

This should be enough to intoxicate my daughter,

don't you think?

Sir, we're, we're not going to need that.

Oh yeah, sir, no, we're fine.

We already have vodka in our Van.

Oh.

-So you have a Van. -Yeah!

I assume you must have a mattress in the back

of the Van as well.

-No, no! -Ha ha, not yet, not yet!

There's nothing like fornicating in the back of

a Van, huh?

Am I right?

Well sir we're not into the whole fucking animals

thing.

Hey, how are you guys on condoms?

You know, on second thought, it'll probably be

a lot more fun to violate my daughter

without protection.

And you can join in too, gordito!

You're not going to let her go, are you?

-Why not? -Because I don't like you boys.

Okay?

You're stoners, this concert is way too far

away, and Debbie is a minor.

Alright, so that's one reason.

And let me add something else, okay?

In all my years, I have never heard of such a

stupid idea for a business.

Selling cups of coffee?

That's as dumb as trying to sell bottles of water!

Alright, alright.

Alright.

I see what's going on.

So, sir.

What if I promise not to fuck her?

-Wh-relax! We're negotiating. -Sir.

Shh!

Can I just talk to Debbie, please?

No.

Okay.

So uh, can I go upstairs and talk to Debbie?

What part of "no" is confusing to you boys?

I don't know about him, but to me, between the "k"

and the "w" being silent, i-it's just never made any

sense to me.

You don't need this because I'm sure you have

plenty of weed in your Van.

Pssh, no!

I wish we had...

Yo, first off, I wish we had plenty of weed in the

back of our Van, okay?

We're actually about to go pick up some weed from one

of my homies that we know on the way there because

we running a little low, so you don't really know

everything silent-k silent-w about everything

that me and him have going on.

So y-yeah.

I want you boys out of my house.

Vamanos! Sal afuera!

Out!

Man, I think Debbie ratted us out.

How did he know we were stoners?

What the!

Debbie!

Oh.

I guess Tommy gave us the wrong address.

Um...

Do you know where Joe lives?

I'm Joe.

You're here for herb?

You're the dealer?

I mean, you look like you could be selling avon.

I sell that too.

Lip gloss or weed?

Make up your mind.

Weed.

Wow, she really does sell avon.

Northwest division salesperson of the year.

What are the odds...

-Oh my god! -Oh my, what the...

I think you guys are cops.

What?

Yo, look w-we just changed our minds, right?

Didn't we change our mind?

We came her for some lip gloss.

Lip gloss. You got some...

What's Tommy's middle name?

W-we don't know!

I swear, I swear!

Uh!

I don't either.

I'm just fucking with you.

-Ha ha... -That's...

That's funny.

Take off your clothes.

-What?

Take off your clothes...

Take off your clothes.

Do you want the weed or not?

Yeah, but why would we need to take off our clothes?

Do I need to get my strap-on so we can do a

few dance numbers first?

No, no!

No strap-on at all.

But, this, but you're funny though.

Strip, ladies.

Strip, bitches.

Um, well, you know, probably just to like make sure

we're not wired or something?

No, man! No! No! No!

I saw this!

I saw this in my mind!

I saw this happening!

Really? You saw this coming?

The dealer was going to turn out to be an avon

lady who would put a gun to our head and threaten

to fuck us with a strap-on phallus.

Yeah? Yeah? That was your vision?

Yes!

I saw that, alright!

I knew that was going to happen, but I didn't know

what the word "phallus" meant until like...

Right now.

See?

We're not wired.

I wasn't worried about that.