In Living Color

She wore a habit in Sister Act one and two.

But you've never seen her quite like this.!

Oy.! Hold on to your yarmulke.!

When Whoopi's in charge, anything can happen.

Rabbi Clarence, uh, why have you chosen our synagogue?

Rabbi Cl... Oh. Oh, yeah, me, yeah.

Well, you see, Made in America came out on videocassette...

and I wanted to just, you know, lay low for a while.

She's going from dreadlocks to bagels and lox.

She's gone from Snoop Dogg to synagogue.

Are you familiar with Rosh Hashanah?

Yeah, yeah, Shawna. She lived on 175th Street.

No, no, no. Rosh Hashanah. Are you familiar with our beliefs?

Oh, well, Rabbi, I know all 11 commandments.

Eleven? There are only 10. What is 11?

Thou shalt not date a white actor who puts on black face.

Ah, that's a good one. We'll keep that. I like it.

Sister Act 3: This Ain't Kosher.

Coming this Passover to a theater near you.

This is Jennifer Moss, coming to you live from the Green Ridge Forest...

the center of a brewing controversy between wildlife conservationalists...

and loggers who would like to have this area leveled.

With me now is Park Ranger Dan McDermott.

- How ya doin'? - Fine, thank you.

Uh, Ranger McDermott, these issues are highly volatile.

Can you sort them out for our viewers?

Well, Jennifer, it pretty much comes down to your spotted marsh goose.

There's fewer than 900 of the geese left out in these woods.

When these woods are gone...

you can pretty much plant a kiss on the fanny of the spotted marsh goose.

That would be a shame as far as I'm concerned...

because there's nothing more beautiful...

than seeing one of them big birds just take off out of the marsh in the mornin'.

It would be one thing if they were hunting for food.

But it's this senseless killing I got a problem with.

Would it be possible to relocate the spotted marsh goose...

to another area, perhaps?

Well, you can't just take out one element out of the ecosystem.

You got your fly, your mosquito, you got your elm beetle.

- - You take the goose out, you're up to your eyeballs in bugs.

That may be. Yet the loggers contend that the economy of Green Ridge is dependent...

upon the very clearing of the forest.

Short term, you're talking maybe 150 new jobs.

That's kind of a pain, if you're out of work.

But the state also depends on its nature reserves and tourist dollars.

You cut these trees back, they're not coming back.

This is obviously a very touchy and sensitive issue.

Loggers have been clashing with conservationalists here in these very woods.

Have there been any outbreaks of violence lately?

I ain't gonna lie to you... tempers are flarin' high.

We've been able to keep things civilized, but I can't guarantee it's gonna stay like that.

So the loggers are not going to give up these woods without a fight.

Miss, I'm from Green Ridge, and I know lumberjacks.

They like to get liquored up and fight. They're Scandinavians and they're mean.

Is the Department of the Interior close to making a decision in this matter?

Well, tell ya the truth, we're not holding our breath.

So you're saying you expect the federal bureaucracy to take its sweet time?

Well, does a bear dump in the woods?

Well, thank you, Ranger McDermott, very much.

And through it all, the spotted marsh goose flies peacefully overhead...

unaware that their fate is being decided in Washington as we speak.

For Fox News, this is Jennifer Moss, Green Ridge Forest.

From Compton, CA, it's The Gangsta Group...

a dope look at today's freshest issues.

Now here's your moderator, Bushwick Bill.

Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!

My name's Bushwick Bill and here's my little cohost partner, Chucky.

Yeah! Yeah! N-N-N-Nyah! Nyah! Nyah!

Yo, yo. Welcome to The Gangsta Group.

In the house!

All right, with me today is my boy, Tupac Shakur...

Boss, Ice-T...

and from Long Beach, Snoop Doggy Dogg.

Issue one.! Violence in rap music.!

Too much? Tupac?

You see, that's the thing. We're just a reflection of society, all right?

Check it out. Suppose you order a pizza, right? And it's cold.

You got cold pepperoni and cold sausage. You ain't gonna bust a cap in him?

- Oh, I'm the only one who like hot pizza in here? - I tell ya what you should do.

Hold him down, let your boys get a piece. Ice-T?

- Gotta shoot. - Boss?

- Shoot him. - I say shoot him!

Issue two! The Brady Bill!

Five-day waitin' period for your handgun.

Those thoughts? Snoop Doggy Dogg!

Now, let's say, you know, like, you know, you get out the car, you know...

somebody step on my AirJordans, right?

You expect me to, you know, wait, you know, days to kill the man?

I ask you, you know, is that justice? You know what I'm sayin'?

I don't know what the hell you're sayin'. Ice-T?

That don't really matter to me. Right?

I already got plenty of guns. You know what I'm sayin'?

- Yeah, me too. - Boss.

Man, it'll take you five days just to reach the doorknob at the gun store.

Shut up, before I punch you in your kneecap. Next issue!

Health care crisis. Ice-T?

- Now, that's an important issue. - Uh-huh?

'Cause, I mean, like, just last week...

my homey, he shot two people...

and neither one of'em had health insurance.

But I mean, you know, what are they supposed to do, just finger a brother?

It's almost to the point where you're afraid to shoot people. I mean, not me personally.

- 'Cause I will shoot people. - We know that, homeboy.!

Walkin' 'cross the street... Pow! Pow! Tupac in town!

Not until we have universal health care in this country...

will you be able to be free to shoot anybody anytime you choose.

Girl, you kinda cute when you bang on your chest.

Chucky! Next issue!

- Hillary Clinton... bitch or ho? Tupac! - Bitch.

- All right. Snoop? - Ho.

- Boss? - Ho.

Ice-T!

Aw, damn, see, now I'm gonna have to go with bitch.

You all wrong.

In fact, Hillary Clinton is a skeezer! Right, Chucky?

Yeah! Yeah!

Next issue.

If you could shoot, Bobo... one white person... who would it be?

- Damn! Just one? - Mm-hmm.

White people are like potato chips, right? You can't shoot just one.

Does the Supreme Court count as just one person?

No, but the Olsen twins do...

and them little ho's is my choice.

Next issue. NAFTA! Free trade with Mexico and Canada.

What impact will that have? Snoop Doggy Dogg!

I don't really be knowin', you know, what be up with Canada and Mexico, right?

All I know is, some of them Canadians, like, be messin' with me, right...

when I be in my car, you know, chillin' and stuff, right?

So I don't know, I just do what I will do.

You been puffin' that chronic, ain't ya? 'Cause you ain't makin' no sense! Tupac!

I'll tell you what about NAFTA.

All it means to me is that I can shoot cops in three different countries.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

- Boss! -

Well, I mean, hey! Shoot to kill! Shoot to kill!

All right, shut up, shut up. Only one minute left. Predictions! Tupac!

I predict this year the cops are gonna insist on harassing me...

every time I bust a little cap in somebody's butt.

I got a prediction... Chucky gonna make a new movie! Yeah! Chucky!

Snoop Doggy Dogg!

I'm predictin' that my album will sell 10 million copies...

right, when I let this bazooka go off in a crowd... you know what I'm sayin'?

Boss, lady, come here, girl!

I predict, Tattoo, if you try to touch my thigh...

I'm gonna blow out your other eye.

Yo, yo, yo! Watch where you point that thing!

Hey, hey, hey, shoot the bitch, and you're dead!

Don't be pointin' that thing, little man. Understand what I'm sayin'?

Drop it, Snoop, or you're six feet deep.

That's all the time we got for tonight.

Little Chucky, where your gat at? Yeah, Chucky!

I'll see y'all next week. Increase the peace! Pow-pow-pow!

- All right, we're clear! Can I have the props? - Thank you.

I was playing golf yesterday, and there was a guy who looked just like you.

- I thought it was you! -

Excuse me, I'm sorry. Excuse me, Mr. Snoopy Dogg. It's your stockbroker.

Oh, man, what's up? I.B.M. Dropped again?

You know, I told him to keep his money in utilities, and he just doesn't listen!

Listen to this hussy. She's got six condos in Long Beach!

Oh, you're flyin'!

Who's a guy got to pimp-slap to get a cappuccino around this place?

I'll pimp-slap you, Ice Cream.

Someone take this damn doll out of my hand. Please!

You know what? This Imperial Class is something else, ain't it?

Yeah, I just wish I could enjoy it, honey. It's just this turbulence.

I'm just not feeling too well right now.

Excuse me. Did I hear you say something about the Imperial Class?

- Because it is number one. - Okay. Thanks, man.

Hi. My name is Frances, and I'm gonna be your flight attendant for the evening.

- Is that okay? - That's fine.

I'd like to tell you about our dinner specials. First, would you like something to drink?

Yeah. Do you have any juice? We could go for some of that.

Uh, we have some lovely, lovely juices.

We have a freshly crushed Valencia orange juice...