black-ish

The Jacksons, the Obamas...

Every year, our family goes big with our Halloween costumes.

And we've gotten so good at it

that we've built up a reputation.

So there's a lot of pressure to get it all the way right.

Okay, now, how do we capture the entirety

of the Black experience in 2019 through costume?

Go.

How about we go as LeBron James' sidekicks?

Or the legends of hip hop and R&B?

All hail the Queens!

Or we could be the Klumps?

"Why, hello!"

So you guys are just phoning it in, huh?

- What? - Guys, come on,

there's no time to around.

Halloween is in seven months!

Now, let's think.

What were the big Black cultural moments of this year?

Um, oh, Tiger Woods won the Masters.

Ooh! Tiger Woods!

- Tiger Woods! - He's not with us anymore.

Oh, my God, do we all just have to be Van Jones?

Who's Van Jones?

I got it.

Okay, everybody ready?

Mm.

Whoo!

We did it!

- We did it! - Yeah!

- We did it! - We won Halloween, bitches!

Send it to the 'gram, Ruby.

- Whoo! Done before breakfast. - Uh-huh.

Costumes, hair, makeup.

That's $3,000 wasted right there.

And you're not even going trick-or-treating.

Nope, not at all.

Now that the twins are grown,

we are never, ever doing that again.

Oh, yeah. We have... we...

- I forget, we have another one. - Oh, damn it.

Is that boy ever gonna grow up?

06x06 - Everybody Blames Raymond

Guys, if you're gonna treat Devante like this,

we should've just left him at the fire station.

We're gonna take him trick-or-treating tonight, okay?

- Mm. - Okay, good, because you guys

have missed a lot of his firsts.

- Okay. - First ice cream.

- That's cute. - His first haircut.

- Look at that. - Mm-hmm.

First Coachella.

What?

Boy, you took my baby to Coachella?

Yeah, Dad, we were gone for literally like three days.

- Oh, is that where you were? Mmph. - Yeah.

And you bought him a Tame Impala T-shirt?

Beyoncé headlined!

Thank you.

Sweet, Raymond's coming over.

Let me save you the trouble of asking permission. No!

Wait, wait, what?

- No! - What's wrong with Raymond?

What?! Raymond is the reason

that Mrs. Biggs gave them detention.

They sent that meme to everyone in the AirDrop radius.

It was a prank!

Against a teacher, Dre.

A gym teacher!

Well, it wasn't the only prank.

You're counting that lunch thing?!

They forged menus, Dre,

and made everybody think Wednesday was pizza day.

And I was never prouder.

- You didn't see the genius in this, Bow. - No.

They convinced everybody that they were getting pizza,

and then they got dry-ass fish sticks.

- Mm-hmm. - Fish sticks, Bow!

It's still hilarious even now!

Some of our best work.

You are the son of a prank king.

- Can I pick you up like Simba? - Oh, yeah.

Come here.

Son, everything that light touches, you can prank!

Oh, my God!

That... that was hilarious.

And you should do that every week.

- Will you, please? - I don't know if I can.

- That boy is heavy. - Okay.

But you can't hang out with Raymond.

But I think it's great that he's making new friends, Bow.

What?

Remember when he got cut from basketball?

- Yeah. - He was moping around the house.

Now he's back.

Jack is back!

I'm back.

Well, Raymond is bad news, okay?

And he has devious eyebrows. I should know.

This is why I choose

my kids' friends.

If my mother only allowed me to be friends

with people that she liked, I would've never met Sha.

See, my mom always worried because she didn't want

a stoop kid like me hanging out with a corner kid like Sha.

Man, it's hot out here.

I'm thirsty.

Don't worry, bro. I got money. I got you.

But Sha always had my back.

One of the best friendships I've ever had in my entire life.

And I don't want to deny that to Jack.

Hey, Jack, have your little friend come over.

- Yes! Thanks, Dad. - Mm-hmm.

This is not how team parenting works, Dre.

Oh, well.

If Raymond corrupts my baby boy, it's on you.

I ain't scared of responsibility.

- You should be. - All right?

I have five children, Bow, and I'm still here!

Could've left, but I didn't.

Strong Black man.

So this is the 'gram...

Look at this.

It's just smut.

I like it.

How can I get it on my television?

That's all it takes, Raymond. So you'll be here around 7:00?

I definitely want to check out that snake.

- Raymond's coming over. - Who?

Raymond Bautista, the no-helmet skateboarder.

And I'm wearing this sack?

Oh, I see.

So you like a bad boy?

Well, let me tell you about bad boys.

Sure, he's exciting, dangerous, a little buck wild.

But then you find out maybe he's burned some cars,

or attacked a grocer.

I'm making this sound amazing, aren't I?

Yep.

Because it is.

But, sweetie, it's not worth it.

Trust me.

They leave you heartbroken.

I'm sorry, Grandma.

I think I got to learn the hard way.

All right.

Well, be sure you write my number on your arm

so the cops will know who to call

when you fall off the back of his motorcycle, okay?

All right.

He's just smooth.

You sent me an e-mail!

- I did! - We planned it, you guys!

- We were going to be the cast of "Cats"! - Oh, my God!

- You were supposed to be Rum Tum Tugger! - I wasn't!

Yeah, and you were gonna be Jennyanydots!

- You know what the sad part is? - What?

If he was a woman, we couldn't do this.

We'd all get fired!

Jack is gonna love this!

Who says he needs to learn how to prank from Raymond Bautista?

Look at that, man.

Your son is learning practical jokery

from some kid on the street?

Okay, who... who said he was a punk off the street?

Umm, his last name ends in a vowel,

so if he's not a dictator or a shortstop,

that kid is trouble.

That's a dangerous age to be hanging with the wrong crowd.

When I was 13, my friend convinced me

to experiment with cooked-up cocaine.

You did crack?

No, no, no. No, no. It was just, uh,

little rocks of cocaine that we smoked out of a pipe.

So, crack.

No, it couldn't have been crack

because when I got caught with it,

they let me off with a warning

because they said it was my first time,

and I had a bright future ahead of me.

Yeah, system works.

Dre, if I have learned anything

from all the kids that I've called the cops on,

it's that your son won't be as fortunate.

Jack is not going to do crack.

All the same, you got to keep an eye out

on who your son hangs out with.

Yeah, Jack may be innocent, but listen to the wrong person,

and he could be dragged down, too.

Like Eve with the serpent.

Exactly. Without Cheney, Bush would just be

another draft-dodging Ivy League alcoholic

like the rest of us instead of a failed U.S. president.

Without jelly, peanut butter is just a loveable nut spread

instead of a killer of children

that can no longer be scooped out

and given to kids by Uncle Charlie on Halloween.

So I've been warned. Yeah.

Jack's friends make all the difference.

Haven't you ever had a friend who led you down a bad road?