Guys with Kids

Guys with kid is taped in front of a live studio audience.

Wow.

This is looking good.

More stuff than last year.

Oh yeah? Man, I *** into this stuff.

***

*** Isn't it beautiful?

Oh, it's very beautiful.

Your daughter is super weird.

Ok, look Sheila.

Ernie's not afraid of the decorations.

Halloween's gonna be fine.

Okay. You're right.

But my main concern is still that Nick is here,

and Ernie's not up to date on his shots.

Wait a minute, Sheila.

- Hmm? - If you're here, then...

Who's this? Ah!

Guys, guys, I can't do it anymore.

The bickering has to stop. Our sons are best friends.

We all live in the same building now.

Please just grow up, and start getting along.

Okay. Chris, I will... I will try.

Sheila, will you be my friend?

See, that was funny.

Hey, everybody.

We got some bad news.

Bad news? Wait, wait, hold on.

Hold this.

Okay, please continue.

The head of the apartment co-op board, miss Cane,

is dead.

Oh, that's terrible. How?

How am I supposed to know?

What do I look like, the grim reaper?

Clark! I called bathroom after Yoda!

You snooze, you lose.

Baby.

Baby!

Miss Cane from next door... she's dead.

Oh, no.

Oh.

- Was that long enough? - Yep!

Oh!

We finally get to buy her place and expand our apartment.

Yes, and Clark and Yoda can have their own bedrooms!

Oh! And we get another bathroom.

Yes.

Clark!

What are you doing in there?

Can't a boy have some privacy?

What happened to our stuff? Who did this?

Daddy.

"Your Halloween decorations

are in violation of co-op board bylaws,"

signed, "Linda Allmendinger, your new co-op board president."

We don't get to do the haunted hallway?

No, no, no, no. Of course we do.

Daddy's gonna find this woman.

He's gonna straighten everything out.

Nick, you do not want to get

on the bad side of the co-op board.

They have approval over everything.

Dorothy Harris put unauthorized azaleas on her balcony.

They turned off her water.

I saw her in the hallway... filthy.

I will be nice, I promise. All right.

Chris, let's go. Why do I have to go?

'Cause I never go anywhere without my lawyer.

In college, you went to see sugar ray without me.

You went with Jay Zambelli.

I've told you a thousand times.

They were his tickets. He invited me.

I know, so just don't tell people you take me everywhere

'cause you don't!

Hey, Victor.

Is it all right if we check miss Cane's place out?

Sure. I'm just cleaning it up.

I got dibs on her vinegar, though.

I can't believe her kids didn't want her vinegar.

You know, we're thinking about buying the place, man,

knocking this wall down.

Turning it into bedrooms for our boys.

Well, you should know that co-op rules state

that any available apartment

has to be put on the market for a week

before any current tenant can buy it.

Wait.

So some other people can buy it out from under us.

I've been decorating this place in my head

ever since miss Cane started wearing a night gown

everywhere she went.

- Sheila... - Yah.

What are you doing here?

Oh, the new co-op president confiscated

my welcome mat and autumnal wreath

because they were in violation of some uniformity code,

and she fined me for installing a customized doorbell...

Mozart's serenade number 13 in "G" major.

Mine goes, "bing-bong."

I can't live like that.

So I'm here to make nice and get on her good side.

We're here to do the same.

She took down Nick's haunted hallway.

Hey! This is for you.

Congratulations on your new appointment, Linda.

I'm Nick Thayer,

your seventh-floor neighbor downstairs.

I know who you are.

You're the one with the illegal Halloween decorations.

Terrible.

Oh, and you're the one who thinks

she can do anything she wants to her apartment she pleases.

Oh.

Chris Campbell, apartment 810?

Is that you out there?

Come in. Come in.

I don't know if you remember,

but we actually shared an elevator ride last week.

You wore that great, blue v-neck sweater.

Oh, my God.

I also love him in that sweater.

Hey, so since we're learning that we're so like-minded,

maybe you can make an exception

for my doormat and my doorbell.

No. No exceptions. I'm sorry.

Is it because she didn't bring a gift?

That's tacky.

Come on, guys.

What do you say you, uh, pop that bad boy open,

we talk about my decorations, huh?

Those decorations are a hazard.

If you put them back up, I will fine you $500.

But I got permission from miss Cane.

But I got permission from miss Cane.

Miss Cane is dead, and so is your Halloween hallway.

You should do a push-up contest.

I think you'd win.

Violet is gonna be so bummed

when she finds out we can't do the haunted hallway.

How are you gonna break it to her?

Me?

How come you always get to be the fun one,

and I always have to be the wet blanket?

Why can't I ever be the... Dry blanket?

You know, it's just one of those things that's in place.

You know, there's always the bad-news parent

and the good-news parent.

I mean, I agree. It's crazy unfair.

Hey, Violet! Mom wants to talk to you.

Violet, honey.

Because of a building rule,

we can't have our haunted hallway.

- No! - I'm so sorry, sweetie.

Not fair.

This is the worst day of my life.

- A little help, please. - Okay, okay.

There's... there's times in life when...

When daddy swoops in and saves the day.

We're still having a haunted hallway!

- Nick! - Daddy's the best.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I can't stand to disappoint her, okay?

I'm gonna... I'll think of something.

Well, enjoy being the good-news parent while it lasts.

Next chance we have to be irresponsible, I'm taking it.

Hey.

Check it out, creepy Linda left this on my door.

She's giving me an extra storage unit

in the basement for doing nothing.

She doesn't even know me. She just likes the way I look.

And I mean, yes, I used to be a model,

so it all makes sense, but...

A model?

You were in our college admissions brochure.

I was on the cover, and admissions went up.

What could you possibly want?

I have a way to keep my haunted hallway

for my daughter

and for you to get your doorbell back.

I'm listening.

We have a common enemy... Linda.

And we also have something that she wants... Chris.

Well, why do you need me?

For my plan to work,

we need to give Chris what he wants.

You and me should... Be friends.

It's "you and I" should be friends.

This is gonna be awful.

Okay, they're showing the apartment.

We just have to convince whoever's trying to buy it

that living there is a bad idea, all right?

Clarkie, Yoda, let's show them how annoying you can be.

All right?

This place is perfect.

Hi.