Der Rebell

Oh.

So.

- This is nice. - Huh?

This is a nice place.

Yeah, yeah.

What?

Well...

Okay.

Are you okay?

- Yeah, I mean, it's just that, this is--

- What's wrong? You're upset.

Thank you.

You're upset, I think.

- No, I'm not. Why?

- Look, I-- You know, I didn't--

If you want to go, you can just go.

Go where?

Yeah, okay.

Hey, I mean--

I’m not sure what's going on with you.

This is always weird, but...

We're total strangers, but I mean,

if you would just tell me...

I mean, are you disappointed in my looks or...?

I’m not.

- Because you should know, I mean, if that's the case,

that doesn't-- That doesn't hurt my feelings.

- I'm not, you're the one. - I'm the one what?

Look, I--

I was pretty damn honest on my profile, you know?

I put my real age and a current picture

and a preference for women in my age group, so I expect to meet

someone who's expecting me, okay?

Because it's not exactly fun to show up and-- and see a cute

young girl looking at me like, booby prize.

Do you think that's fun for me?

- Whoa, wait a minute. I’m not--

- Maybe you should just be a little bit more careful about

looking at the person that you choose.

You know, I mean, what did you expect?

I expected you.

You look exactly like your picture.

You look your age, you should...

look your age.

- Were you gonna tell me you look 45?

Okay, look...

I'm the one, okay?

I put myself as older.

Why do you do that?

Because, I don't know.

Can we just look at the food?

Because, I’m actually hungry.

Or do you really just want to leave now?

Yeah, let's look at the food.

What are you getting?

- Why do you put yourself as older?

I mean-- I mean, who does that?

Nobody does that.

- Okay. - I’m sorry, I--

I mean, I don't get it.

- Well, we can talk about this, but...

I don't really know you.

And you're not really letting the conversation get started,

so how do we get-- - You sort of put us behind

the eight-ball by lying about your age from jump.

I mean, how old are you, really?

I mean, maybe we should just go.

I'm 26.

Okay, well...

That's young.

I mean, I’m old enough to be your ancestor.

Not really.

- Come on, when I was in high school,

your parents were in junior high school.

My dad is older than you.

It's not as bad as you're making it.

Well, so why-- why then--

I like older guys.

Okay, but see...

I didn't, you know...

Put that I want younger woman, all right?

I mean, I know some guys do that, but I didn't.

You know, I mean, I'm not like that.

I know.

I don't like guys that are.

See, I like older guys,

but I don't like older guys that like younger women.

Those kinds of guys are a drag.

I like...

I don't know.

Okay, well...

What do you want to do?

Well, we could just go now.

Since it's all weird.

Or we could have dinner and talk.

waiter: Hi. Can I get you guys a drink to start?

- Um... - I'm okay with water.

I'll have a white wine.

Do you have anything that's okay?

waiter: I have a pinot grigio.

- Yeah, sure. Thanks.

So...

What do you want to talk about?

Um...

What do you do?

I work at a bar.

Oh, cool.

- Why? Why-- Why is that cool?

- Because-- I don't know.

'Cause you won't really talk, because you're mad

and being weird,

and so I just said "cool"

because you're doing nothing to make me comfortable.

- Sorry. I’m sorry.

It's just "what do you do" doesn't exactly raise my stock

any further, all right?

I mean, I work in a bar, it's my family's bar.

And...

I-- I keep the place clean and in ship shape,

and I live in a small room in the back.

It's not exactly impressive.

Well... so?

I’m a temp and a barista and I have a stupid blog

about books I stopped writing two years ago.

No one's impressive anymore.

You're really just gonna have water?

Well, I don't drink.

Mm.

That's actually pretty refreshing.

Almost everyone I know drinks.

It's boring, you know?

Well, most people my age, anyway.

I’m so sick of boys my age.

Yeah, you said that.

So, I mean, you like older guys, huh?

Does that, like, float your boat or whatever?

- If you ever tried dating boys my age, you'd understand.

You don't even realize, you're a person.

You held the door open for me, you slid out my chair.

You dressed up.

Boys just show up all smelly and look at the floor.

You seem like you were well-raised, like someone taught

you manners and chivalry.

I mean, not really.

I used to watch a lot of old movies.

Um...

Guys like Cary Grant.

I don't know, you don't need somebody to tell you to treat

a lady with respect,

it's something that you're just compelled to do.

You know, I mean, because women are special.

And I don't mean like that, like, uh, you're lesser than men

or anything, or different.

In fact, I feel that women and men are equals.

I don't.

- You don’t? - No.

I mean, depending on how you're measuring, in some ways,

we're better than men, or above men,

but other ways, you guys are way ahead.

- Yeah? - Yeah, of course.

That would get a guy killed

for saying that these days. - Who cares?

I mean, what fun would it be if we were totally alike and equal?

Yeah, I guess.

- Like, men are stronger than women, you know, physically.

I mean, and that's a turn-on,

that's part of what we like about you.

Well, I’m not that strong.

- Yeah, but you could knock me out.

I mean, you could hold me down.

If we were in a fight, you could fuck me up really bad.

Okay.

- I’m sorry, I’m being-- I'm being weird.

- Yeah, kind of. - Uh, it's just--

You know, it's the truth.

It's stupid to pretend that it isn't.

Men can run faster and hit harder.

I don't care how butch or tough a woman is.

When she's gotta move,

she calls some guys to pick up her furniture.

And sure, she'll have her hair in a ponytail

and she'll put on a tank top.

But at the end of the day, there's gonna be some guys

coming to lift that shit.

Come on.

Yeah, true.

But... uh...

women are morally superior, I think.

- Oh, my God. Are you serious?

Yeah, I think so. I mean,

if I was gonna trust someone,

it would be a woman first.

They're gentler and more thoughtful.

You know, Pete.

You have a lot more good qualities than you think.

Why do you say that?

- I think you sell yourself short.

- I don't. I know I have good qualities.