Uncle Buck

Did y'all like dinner?

I was nervous cooking it for you.

It was just frozen pizza.

Right. But I hooked it up!

Yeah, the hot dogs and the Doritos

were an inspired topping choice.

Ain't it, man?!

Yeah, and the contrast of the salt and the...

additional salt was really good.

I'm so thirsty.

I can't get my shoes off.

Oh, hey, I'm gonna go, um, check on dessert.

And if you like this meal,

you gonna love my breakfast meatloaf.

And the secret ingredient is more Doritos.

Yay.

Honey, Sunny Scout cookies?

We just had hypertension for dinner.

Well, it's been two weeks.

Maizy hasn't sold one box.

We can't get stuck with these again.

Remember last year's bug situation?

Uh, yeah, the cookies brought the bugs,

the bugs brought the bats.

That sounds like a terrible children's song,

- but that was our lives. - Mm.

Honey, I've been trying to help her sell them all week,

but she's just too shy.

You want to buy some cookies?

Do you want some cookies?!

Aah!

Stranger danger!

Stranger danger!

She came to my door!

Okay, I'll work with her tomorrow.

Y'all need to hurry up with that dessert,

'cause them hot dogs expire tomorrow,

and I'm trying to get 'em out of me tonight.

Have you guys seen Maizy?

I can't find her anywhere.

Haven't seen her.

Buck, do you know where Maizy is?

Did you check the cabinet?

I'm being serious.

Wham!

Baby, what are you doing in there?

I don't want to sell cookies.

Oh, honey, I know you're shy, but guess what.

That doesn't mean you quit.

We're gonna get through this, okay?

Yeah, you made a commitment.

Quite, Miles, or you're gonna finish those unicycle lessons

I'm still paying for.

Didn't pull the ladies like you thought it would, did it?

No. But you know what will impress the ladies?

- What? - Lessons in the ancient art of karate.

No, you'll just use it for evil.

Don't even... you know it's true.

That's unfair... I can't even do karate,

but you're letting Tia go see Chance the Rapper next weekend?

That's because her report cards always say straight A's.

Yours always say, "Please see us."

I don't know why Maizy's even in Sunny Scouts.

It's just a fascist army using their cuteness

to conquer the world with diabetes.

But good luck.

The girl is right.

We do need to watch our sugars.

That's how Fat Marcus lost his big toe.

I don't even care about selling cookies.

I'm only doing it to win this cool cheetah necklace.

Ooh, you talking about the rose gold

with the crusted-diamond eyes or something?

It's plastic.

And when you squeeze its nose, it goes, "Roar!"

I like that.

I'm gonna help you get that thing, girl.

In my old hood, they called me the sales tiger.

I could sell anything.

I once sold a comb to your bald-head daddy.

I think we got this.

Yeah, I got a Saturday meeting today,

so your bald-headed daddy is gonna take those cookies

in to my co-workers and unload them on them.

Thank you, Daddy.

- Mmm! - Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Honey, that's cheating.

So? I'm sorry, but growing up, I had to struggle for everything.

I've worked hard my whole life so my kids don't have to.

Preach on, brother.

Little Miss Private School don't know the struggle.

Careful not to over-foam your macchiato, Malcolm X.

Honey, listen to me.

Cheaters ruined it for me when I was a Sunny Scouts girl,

and I will never forget it.

I was there for hours while Angela Miller's divorced mother

let her tube top do all the work.

Baby, I was just a kid. I couldn't compete with those.

You can compete with those now, babe.

Honey, this isn't funny.

I had to deal with this every single year.

All I'm saying is I think it's important

for Maizy to go out there,

overcome her shyness, and collect her "No's."

Okay, I hear you. That's the right thing to do.

Okay, I'm gonna take her to the grocery store this afternoon.

- Okay. - Thanks.

She's not gonna sell those things.

I know. That's why I'm taking them to work.

Alexis means well, but she can be a little tunnel vision.

And Maizy's gonna end up stressed out and disappointed.

Well, let me take 'em.

Let me do my thing.

Let the sales tiger prowl.

Fine. Two things, though.

Don't be obvious, and, second,

promise to never call yourself "sales tiger" again.

Mm, that's a promise I can't make.

Side kicks are great,

but, remember, attackers can come from any direction.

Can you keep it down? I'm trying to study.

Be careful. I could have killed you.

By screaming like a little girl?

No. Hyah!

With karate.

You know if you try using that against somebody,

they'll just shoot you.

No more insults.

Bring it.

Please. I have homework.

Why? You already have an "A" in cowardice.

Let's dance!

Hyah, hyah!

That hole was there before, right?

Hey, hey, hey, everybody.

My daughter's selling Sunny Scout cookies.

I got all your favorites here.

I got S'maples, Cheenos, Peanut Butter Up and Down.

Who's gonna get the first box? Come on.

Nobody?

Sorry, we're already tapped out.

So you're not gonna help me out?

And I buy every crappy thing your kids are selling.

Come on, Morris.

I bought that Hanukah back-scratcher from your kid,

and you're barely Jewish.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Just because the boss comes in

doesn't mean everybody has to stop having fun.

I do like a quiet space, though. Thank you.

Will, my daughter just joined the scouts,

and we're selling cookies.

Everybody's been super generous.

No pressure.

Yeah, sure, Don.

Just come from the gym?

Yep.

What are we gonna do?

We? There's only one butt that fits in that hole.

And it's yours, Cinderella.

- Good luck. - Oh, no.

If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me.

In fact, it will be a pleasure

to take the shine off your perfect daughter crown.

Don't even.

I've got concert tickets this weekend.

I have nothing this weekend.

So I can go to Dad right now.

Okay, okay, maybe we can work out a little detente here.

Absolutely. What is that?

It means we're gonna work together, dummy.

Look, we'll fix this ourselves.

I'm gonna go to the garage and get some Spackle,

and you guard the hole.

I told you to guard the hole! What happened?

I was just cleaning up the edges!

Look!

Cookies. Got them cookies.

Would you like some cookies?

This spot ain't working.

We should set up outside a country club,

tug on some of that white guilt.

They're just cookies, Buck.

We don't need to get all political.

She's fine selling right here.

You mean right here under the table?

Maizy!

Honey, come out. Come on.

This is getting weird.

Mommy, can we just buy the cheetah necklace?

No, baby.

I know this is hard, but it's important.

If you follow the rules and just do this,

you'll be better off for it.

Okay?

See? Look at that little girl.

She faces her own challenges,

but she does it with her head held high.

Yeah, she walks with her head held high, too.

Look.