Police Academy 3: Back in Training

We close in 20 minutes.

Damn!

Thanks.

Aah! Gee.

Ooh. Ow! Ow!

Ow! Argh.

- Where the hell are these clowns? - It is a large garage, sir.

- We're over here! - Are you an idiot?

There they are.

Get down.

It's about time.

I've sucked up enough fumes to last me a lifetime.

Stand up!

What's with all this deep-throat crap?

Don't look at me. It wasn't my idea to meet here. It was his.

We shouldn't be seen together.

Just thinking of the safety factor of Operation Fiasco.

That's what I call this, sir.

I work with the village idiot.

- Do you guys have any idea-- - Sir, your glasses!

Do you guys... Take off your glasses.

Do you guys have any idea how many police academies are in this state?

- Is this a trick question, sir? - No, this is not a trick question, sir.

- Two. - Wrong.

My sources have informed me that one of them is about to be terminated.

- Which one? - I don't know.

They haven't decided yet.

And that's where you two come in.

I need two good men that'll make sure Lassard's academy fails and not mine.

I need two good men that'll inform on Lassard's academy...

...and tell me every move they make.

I need two good men that'll sell out their mothers to get ahead.

That's us. - Good.

Can we go now?

We should split up.

Safety factor. We'll go first.

Looks like it's closed, sir.

They locked us in.

The car!

Proctor!

No problem, sir!

I got it! Please!

- My car! - Please, stop!

My car.

As governor of this great state of ours...

...it fills me with pride to see these graduating police cadets.

I'm also sad to tell you...

...that this is the last time we will be graduating two classes.

What?

It's time to tighten our belts. It's time to close one of the academies.

But in the spirit of fair play, which is the hallmark of my administration...

...I have appointed a committee...

...to evaluate and compare the two academies.

That way, their fate will rest in their own hands.

I am certain that both commandants will welcome such a challenge.

Got it!

Isn't that true, Comdt. Mauser and Comdt. Lassard?

Well, Comdt. Lassard, good luck, sir.

- May the better academy win. - We intend to, sir.

Don't be too sure, Comdt. Mauser.

We have many wonderful new recruits which we shall mold in my own image.

Promise me you'll do that, sir, please.

Sir. The committee.

Ladies, gentlemen, truly a pleasure.

Anyone need a ride, police escort? Don't hesitate to ask.

Oh. Governor, magnificent speech!

Bravo! I applaud you.

Whoo! Whoo!

Why beat around the bush, Mauser?

Just get down on your knees and kiss his ass.

I don't need any tactical advice from you, Callahan.

Governor!

Governor.

I know you're a busy man, sir, but I've been doing a study...

...on some training techniques I thought might interest you.

The Governor is in a hurry, Comdt. Mauser.

I could memo you on these, sir.

Governor, I speak for everyone when I say--

Let me assure you, Governor...

...Comdt. Mauser does not speak for this academy.

Governor, what I meant to say was--

Get a hold of yourself, you idiot. You're making the Governor sick!

Well, Mauser.

You certainly made a lasting impression on the Governor.

The only impression that counts, sir, is in this file!

We'll see who's got an academy when this is over.

Proctor!

You have nothing to worry about, sir.

Right. Just leave everything to us.

We'll make Mauser eat those words. Let's go.

- Mahoney. Right.

Okay, come on now. Guys!

Girls.

Girls, of course, I'm sorry. All right, keep it up! Number one!

Take it on, drive it in here! Keep it alive. Take it in, drive in!

Keep your arms up! Take it! Take it on...

Try! Bring it back. Stop. Stop the playing!

Give me the ball. Gather around, girls. I want to talk about something.

I want you to remember from yesterday...

Come a little closer. All right.

Remember from yesterday, you pick and roll? Now, ready and break!

Number two. Keep it alive.

Police Academy to Sgt. Mahoney. Come in, please.

Sgt. Mahoney's office.

Get me Mahoney, and get your feet off the dashboard!

Good, take it along now.

- I'm sorry, Sergeant. I didn't mean to. That's okay. My pleasure.

Sgt. Mahoney, I just heard, Comdt. Lassard needs help.

Lassard's in trouble?

Give it back!

Wait. Wait for me!

Go, Mom!

Sgt. Hightower, come in.

Shit.

Hightower, get rid of the pantyhose...

...and report to the academy immediately.

I'm on my way.

Eugene?

Hey, Eugene.

Tackleberry?

Come on out, Eugene. I give up.

You outdid yourself this time.

Olly, olly, oxen free?

All right, come on, Tackleberry, I'm tired of this.

Quit fooling around in the backyard.

I'm serious. I got something to tell you.

All right, come on, Eugene. I'm getting pretty tired of this.

Come on, Eugene, I got an important message--

Good one, Tack. Really fooled me.

Mahoney called. He said Lassard needs help.

What a wonderful moment, my favorite graduates back.

The academy is facing its greatest challenge.

After many years...

...of graduating many fine police officers, the State says...

...it can no longer afford two police academies.

God knows what they did with all the money.

We have a tradition to uphold...

...a reputation to defend, and defend it, we will!

- Thank you, Mahoney. - Anytime, sir.

With our new recruits and your help, I'm sure we can survive the competition.

There can only be one winner.

But also only one loser, which works out nicely.

I certainly hope we win.

Then I can retire with the same sense of dignity...

...I have always brought to the academy.

Whoa!

Dismissed.

Get out of my way, or I'll start playing rough.

Don't do that. No, I will not!

You have the stupidest idea. Put down that suitcase.

- You are not going to that police academy. - Wrong!

Aah!

Finally, don't you think one policeman in this family is enough?

Stop it! I don't care what you say!

- Great, great. - Great.

Okay, listen. See, I just wanted to join the force to be with you.

I mean, we can ride together, we can wear matching uniforms, share ammo...

...everything that makes a marriage work.

Honey, look. Listen to me, sweetheart.

- Police work, it's just so dangerous. - I don't care!

Oh, no. No, you don't!

You let go of me, mister, or face the consequences!

Good morning, Facklers. - Hello, Mrs. Pectelli.

It is hell out there on those streets.

- All right. Okay. - Come on.

Sweetie, what? Come on.

We're adults. I know we can talk this thing out.

Exactly. I know you're smart enough to do that work. It's just that...

...I'm the breadwinner in this family, and you're my lady, and your place is at home.

Right? Come on, give me a kiss.

What do you... Come on.

You think I can't break this down? Open it up, sweetie.

I'm a policeman. I'm trained for this kind of stuff, you know that?

All right, big joke. Open that door! Come on. You said we'd be adults.

Hey! That's my...-

- Do you want to kill me? - I have thought about it a couple of times.

Honey, stop it right now! I'm serious!

I don't care. I wanna go to the police academy.

Listen to reason, will you? Listen to me right now. You are not gonna...

- What are you doing? - I want you off this car now!

I just waxed this car. You'll get me into so much trouble.

This is a city street, not a drag strip, thank you.

If you don't like it, you go around me!

--with volume on the New York Stock Exchange as of this hour...

...at 56 million shares in moderate trading, with the Dow Jones up 4 points at 1507.

The dollar is showing renewed strength against foreign currency...

...gaining 10 percent against the pound...

...on rumors of the Fed's dropping interest rates.

The uncertainty of interest rates is affecting the bond market.

Trading has been cautious and will remain...

This is not Le Mans!

Porter. Redcap.