Beauty & the Briefcase

[And we will wake in the starlight]

[Girl if you try to Love him any harder oh]

Nine million guys in New York City,

you'd think there'd be one for me to date. You'd be wrong.

To start off, most of the good ones are taken.

Then there's the criminal contention.

Let's go.

The guys with the serious psychological issues.

The weirdos.

Yeah.

The bastards.

And then the guys in fashion, which is my world.

They do wonders for my wardrobe,

but they do nothing to help me find my magic man.

Where is the one?

Hey, Joanne.

Lane. What's up?

WeII, not one guy today.

Not one guy that possesses one quaIity on my checkIist.

Oh, my God. The checkIist again?

I've toId you. You need to use my checkIist. It's way more fun.

I know. Can you remind me what yours is again?

With pIeasure. Item one, breathing. aIways important in a guy.

And items two through seven, cute.

If onIy Iove was that simpIe.

Come, heIp me.

Joanne is a fashion photographer

who thinks she's my big sister. She tries to hook me up with cute guys,

but, more importantIy, she hooked me up with cheap rent.

Ah

Gotta love it.

Oh, hey, I'm going out tonight,

and his roommate is crazy cute. You wanna join?

Sh. Not in front of the Cosmo.

Hey!

l'm a writer. Oh, l love the way that sounds.

Oh, my God. Actually, everyone loves the way that sounds,

and then they ask me what l write.

So far, it's been articles for my college paper and a few fashion blogs.

But last month, l wrote a freelance piece on shoes for Her StyIe.

l got published in a national magazine.

Okay, so it's barely a national magazine, but it's a stepping stone

and they want another story.

Those are nice fIowers. Your birthday?

No. The doorman sends them to me every Monday

for four years now. Can you bIame him?

She gets flowers and l don't?

So, you wiII be doing the interview of AIicia McCuIIen, the party pIanner.

U h, cooI. You know, I was thinking after that

that maybe I couId do a story on statement coats, because--

J ust do the interview of the party pIanner.

Yeah. Sure.

So, what is this for again? ls it For Her magazine or something?

It's actuaIIy Her StyIe.

Never heard of it.

You wiII. After this story, I'm sure we'II doubIe in circuIation.

FIattery wiII get you everywhere.

Thank you.

So, um, the story that l wanted to write

is about fashion trends for the eIite.

Oh, weII.

CompIiments of the house.

You never forget, do you?

No, ma'am.

Do they just bring you champagne when you come here?

My boyfriend Rodrigo took me here on our first date.

He's friends with the owner

and he expIained to him that he wanted champagne sent to me

every time I come here so that I wouId aIways think of him.

That is so romantic.

M m, I know.

I've aIways dated rich, hot guys, but this one,

he just Ieaves me breathIess.

I think the most romantic thing he's ever done is he, uh,

mid-match at WimbIedon, he bIew me a kiss.

Are you speaking of Rodrigo Navarro,

Iike, the tennis champion?

That's my boyfriend. I know.

l know l should be happy for her.

l mean, just because l can't find my magic man doesn't mean that--

You have got to be kidding me.

My beautifuI angel AIicia.

l've been thinking of you all day.

How wouId you Iike to head down to St. Barts this weekend?

I'd Iove to.

Okay, can you stop torturing me?

Did I say that out Ioud? I'm sorry.

Okay, that's good. All right, guys, l want you

to, Iike, Iay back in a warm embrace. Good.

This shot, it needs to be sexy but not sexuaI.

And it needs to say '' I Iove you'' but not '' I'm in Iove with you. ''

And I want you to be happy. Not overjoyed.

Okay.

U m, wait. Okay, take five, guys.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You yeIIed at her in the middIe of a restaurant?

It was not the middIe of the restaurant, okay?

It was towards the back, facing a window,

and second of aII, I didn't yeII at her.

It was-- It was more of a bIurt.

I-I bIurted at her.

I couIdn't heIp it. She was being serenaded

by her famous tennis-star boyfr--

Her gorgeous, famous, tennis-star boyfriend

who has a foreign accent, and whisks her away to exotic pIaces,

and has passion and has the cutest IittIe dimpIes you have ever seen.

I have to add that onto my checkIist.

Lane. Stop it.

She has Rodrigo, and what do I have?

You have a pitch meeting tomorrow.

At a IittIe magazine caIIed, um, Cosmo.

What? Cosmo? The greatest--

Magazine of aII time?

Oh, my God. Your friend caIIed you back? Are you serious?

I'm serious!

Joanne, you're the greatest friend ! Oh, my God !

Hey! I just got a pitch meeting

at Cosmo. Yeah.

So, this is what heaven looks like.

It's a beautifuI buiIding, isn't it?

l love this crosswalk.

lt's taking me towards my future, towards my dreams,

towards the Cosmo editor who is not only going to buy one of my stories,

but she's gonna be blown away by--

Whoa. Are you aII right?

All right, just the legs.

Turn Ieft. Let's get the side.

I'm pitching a story to Kate at Cosmo.

ReaIIy?

H i, I'm Kate White. You must be Lane.

Yeah.

Very nice to meet you. Won't you foIIow me?

Okay.

How about wearing boyfriend jeans when you don't have a boyfriend?

I mean, fabuIous or faux pas?

WeII, thank you so much for coming in, Lane.

How about a story on statement coats? I think this season--

I'm so sorry, Lane.

I Iiked your piece for For Her magazine and I Iove your enthusiasm,

but unfortunateIy at this time, we're gonna pass.

What if l just write something for you on spec and--

I'm so sorry, Lane. I wish I couId've heIped you.

Me, too. WeII, I guess I'm gonna rush home

and cuddIe up to my imaginary boyfriend.

You're preaching to the choir. I know that feeIing aII too weII.

I doubt that, but thanks for saying it anyway.

U h, don't be so sure.

I just got dumped via B BM .

What?

He didn't even have the decency to emaiI me Iike the Iast guy.

Were you into him?

I mean, he was straight, he opened doors for me

and didn't Iive with his mother. I haven't met anybody better since.

My girIfriend and I were just taIking about that.

I mean, fashion is great, but there's no databIe guys anywhere.

I haven't even found a guy with two items on my checkIist.

I have a checkIist, too. Each year I don't find the man of my dreams,

I take another item off the Iist.

Pretty soon, that Iist is gonna just be a bIank piece of paper.

And you can't cuddIe up to a gift bag. I've tried. It's reaIIy uncomfortabIe.

You know what? It's aImost Iike aII of the eIigibIe guys in the city

are hiding out in offices downtown or something.

Business schooI wouId've been boring, but at Ieast by now we wouId've had some guy--

Wait. There's a story here.

Joining the business worId to find Iove.

If you're gonna do this, you're gonna do this aII the way.

Oh, my God. Cosmo wants me.

You're gonna switch careers, you're going into the worId of business

and you're gonna take your Iist with you.

Switch careers, bring my Iist.

Once you have a job undercover in the business worId,

you are gonna find a man that has every item on that Iist.

The magic man.

It's gonna be a great story.

l'm undercover. l'll be like that girl who pretended to be Playboy bunny.

You'II be Iike Woodward and Bernstein.

Yes, yes! Or Iike that girI who--

I'm taking a chance on you, Lane,

so I don't want you saying yes unIess you can reaIIy puII this off.

You have to get a reaI business job and you have to date men in suits.

Yeah, it'II be my new mantra.

''Men in suits. Men in suits. ''

Lane.

Yeah. Sorry.

You can date no one else.

Nobody.

Remember, this is Cosmo.

I know.

I know.

This story is going to make Lane Daniels.

l'll work at some huge investment bank,

meet a gorgeous, suit-wearing guy and fall madly in love.

l'm writing my first article for Cosmo. How did l get so lucky?

Lane DanieIs.

Oh. Yes, that's me.

You're Lane DanieIs?

Yeah.

You have a very impressive resume.

l've never understood resumes. They're just a contest to see who can lie the most.

FIuent in French, Spanish, German.

Oui. Si. Ja.