Good Girl Jane

Gerrymandering, not salamandering. It's more than just a lizard.

NIMBY stands for not in my back yard. Way to go, Jane.

I'm sorry. Jane, you can't eat here in the classroom.

You're gonna have to find...

Anyway, so tell me what happened.

Yeah, so Hanna's been like, eye fucking my boyfriend for ages.

And so, like, we were at this party and I thought...

- Oh, Ava's actually gonna sit there. - -Oh, sorry.

You can sit over there.

Anyway, I thought of the genius idea to go buy non-alcoholic beer,

and she kept drinking it and drinking it and acting more...

Mom?

Oh fuck! Motherfucker! Fucking frame...

I'm the bad guy because I want to take them to a nightclub on a school night.

Oh you sent me an email... You haven't seen your daughters in two weeks.

I don't want to fight with you, Elliot, I really don't...

Just please take care of everything that's outstanding.

So how old are you for real?

-You can tell. -What?

I'm 19 and a quarter...

-You're not 19. -I think it's a quarter. -You're not 19.

-Yeah. -You're 14. When's your birthday?

Today.

-Yo, my man, can I get a cherry slushie? -Get out.

How about blue raspberry? You got blue raspberry.

Get the fuck out!

For sure. For sure.

How about pack of Newports, though?

If you don't leave, I'll call the cops.

Oh, you gonna call the cops?

Fuck you! Let's go.

I'll beat your ass, motherfucker!

Get the fuck out, you too you motherfucker! Bitch ass.

I'll beat your ass myself, too.

Thank you.

Yo, Abel.

Fucking drop it.

- Abel. - Wassup? -Let's drop it.

That was almost it. I got it, I got it.

Can I have a sip?

Jane!

Jane.

Why didn't you answer me? I've been calling you for five minutes.

-I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. -Did you take out the trash?

-I can't do it right now. -It's too late.

It's too late. Just give me your dirty clothes.

Come on. Hustle!

Let's go!

-Are you smoking? -No.

Kids at school just smoke near me.

-Jane, please don't smoke. -I'm not smoking.

-Please. -I'm not smoking.

Well, you look so tired. You've got circles underneath your eyes.

Thank you. I feel really great now.

Very beautiful.

I can't catch a fucking break. Just...

Turn that noise off.

Fuck you.

Hey. Hey!

Hey. You dropped these.

You dropped these.

Oh, shit. Thank you so much. You are a fucking angel.

Thank you.

- Hey. - -What's up, motherfuckers?

Any of you guys got a lighter?

No, I don't got no fucking lighter.

I've got a car full of idiots and no lighter. Hey Darth Vader!

You got a light?

Hey, what up, bitch?

Thank you.

I'm Jane.

Hey, you're pretty.

Yo, back up, back up!

Yo, gas station Lolita! Come get stupid with us.

What? I have to be home in like, 20 minutes.

I live, like, down the block.

-Don't be weird, come kick it. -Are you serious?

-Yo, tell your tiny girlfriend to get in the car. -Come on.

-Okay. -Yeah, yeah!

What? You got something better to do?

Come on. Bitch! Hurry up. What the fuck?

-My lady. -Sorry.

Yeah, don't mind his raging fucking erection.

-You want a bump? -Benji, what the fuck are you doing?

Can you duck, you fucking fuck?

-I'm ducking. -There are rent-a-cops everywhere here, you idiot.

-Lower. -Get me arrested again.

- Oh. -So, what sadist cult did you defect from?

-I just transferred out of Private from Bellwood. -Private school!

Oh my God. Botox. Chanel number five.

- Fancy. - What else?

People were just fucking assholes.

I mean, it's private.

Yeah, some girls got suspended for something that happened.

-What? -So I had to go to a different school.

What makes you think we're any nicer over here?

People are fucking alien scum.

- We're pretty nice. We're all right. - What'd they do to you?

I dunno... It was... just... a lot. It was, yeah, it was shitty.

Whose hand is that?

- Sorry. - What are you doing?

I thought you were trying to, like, hold my hand.

You're so weird, no.

-I just need your lighter again. -That was so cute.

-What did you want? -Your lighter.

Okay.

- Can I have the lighter? - -I'm trying.

Be quiet, okay? We got to go through the back. Just be quiet.

-Are your parents here? -Benji, do you have a lighter?

- You got a dog? - I lost it.

-Can someone give me a fucking lighter? -Hey, you got a new dog?

-Here! Fucking chill, yeah. -When?

Like, last week, his fur is falling off, it's so cute.

You'll see him. You'll see him.

Okay, sure. Will she be dead or alive when we see her?

-I mean, he's not ali... I wouldn't say he's alive. -So, what does that...

He's definitely not dead. I mean, like, he's living a little, like...

What does that mean, though?

What kind of a dog is he?

He looks like, if I like dropped him, he might end it all, so...

And have you dropped him before?

-No. -Is it a she or he?

- You can drop. These shit down there. - Okay.

- Angel girl. - It's Jane.

Jane Doe. Jane dodo brain.

On my ass. Right on my ass.

Right on your ass.

Hey, it's not comfortable, but it's something.

It's better than nothing, I guess, right? Beggars can't be choosers.

I mean, I guess.

Could be better, I have seen better.

I've seen a beggar be a chooser.

-Exactly. -It depends on who he's begging.

You, you're always the one begging.

And that's what I'm saying! Man in the mirror.

-You want some? -It's okay. I have to be home in, like, a second.

-Bro, just have some. -Come on. One sip's not gonna hurt.

Tiny baby sip, I promise.

Hey, hey, fuck yeah!

-Gross. -It's yummy, right?

Have a couple more sips and it won't be gross no more.

Yo, you want some?

Fuck, yeah.

Have I ever not wanted some?

-You know, yeah. -You don't know me.

I do. I think by now I definitely do.

-Want the rest of this? -Yes.

Shit.

Oh, I didn't say all of it. I said the rest of it.

You know what? I got some more in my hand right here.

Don't worry about it.

Want the rest of this?

Was one not enough?

Is that really all that we have?

-We can get more. -That's a lot.

That's what we do here.

-Give me your glasses. -I think the more, the merrier.

See how you feel.

Ya, alright.

I look better, clearly.

-Too bad. -You know shit.

Dude, come on.

-You want any? -No. I'm good.

-You sure? -You're eyeing it.

-Do you want some? -If she's not going to take it, I'll definitely...

-She doesn't want it. -Okay.

-Thank you. -Shocker.

-Save some. -Oh, fuck.

-Hold it, hold it, hold it. -Am I your maid?

You have crazy eyes.

No, thanks. I'm good.

Men always think...

You like to play the side girl, huh?

What does that mean?

I don't know.

- Thanks for taking care of me. - -You're not welcome.

Okay, let's be clear. I'm the one who takes care of all of you.

You could use honey to attract flies,

but you got to be fly to attract honeys.

That's a good one.

I love you guys, but I gotta go get Jamie the car.

Oh, Prince charming and his chariot awaits.

- Hilarious. - Yo, Bailey balls.

-Can I give you a 20 for Jamie? -A 20?

You don't have 60? You know he won't do less than a gram.

For Tina, Bailey. I don't want a fucking twenty of blow.

Okay, asshole.

He's freaking out at a gas station right now

and I have to go. Can you just ask him?

-Can I come with you? -Is he coming?

Of course. It's his birthday party.

Come this weekend. Come to the party.

When is it?

This weekend. Come to the party.

Yo, drop me your number. I'll text you.

Okay.

Hey, okay, Benji, I see you.

Yeah. Go fuck yourself, Abel, Benji. Love you.

-Bye, love you. -Bye, angel lady.

-Send me some pics to fuck myself to. -Bye, Benji.