Muck

Ew, ew!

Kylie!

Where are you?

Guys!

Guys?

Hello?

Help!

Hello?

Guys?

Kylie?

Billy?

- Billy! - Fuck, Mia, just chill out.

Stop, stop, stop, stop. Get this stick out of my fucking dick.

Ow.

Oh, that...

- oh, my god. - Oh, careful, careful.

Fuck.

My fucking hero.

Just anywhere, Noah, that's fucking great.

- Are you all right? - No.

- Ah, fuck. My knee. - It's going to be all right, bro.

- We're going to get you fixed up. - Fuck.

- Noah? - Kylie?

Noah. Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

Don't...

- Jesus. - Billy.

Just leave it.

Jesus. Fuck. Ew.

Oh, my god.

- And? - Do you see yourself?

Oh, I'm sorry. Do you see a fucking gap around here, Kylie?

I don't care if your boyfriend can see my ass.

I'm covered in shit and Ava and Tyler are fucking dead.

- We don't know Ava's dead, okay? - Well, Tyler is dead.

Yeah, Tyler's real dead and it wasn't fucking pretty.

Look at me. Look at us. What the fuck was that?!

I don't know.

Whatever it is, it's nothing that's supposed to be real.

It definitely wasn't in the brochure.

Can we please get away from this place? Why are we stopping?

Guys, I lost my phone. Does anyone have theirs?

No, I don't have a fucking phone, Noah.

I don't have my wallet. I don't have my keys, all right?

I got a fucked-up knee and I got a bunch of internal bleeding.

- You're bleeding everywhere. - All right, so it's not so internal.

Shit.

We need to get Mia inside before she freezes.

No, I'm fine. Thanks.

I need a warm shower and a really strong drink.

Oh, that sounds lovely. Let's do that. I like that plan.

No. Drinking will thin your blood.

Oh, thank you. That's a wonderful fact.

Noah, please tell your girlfriend she's not my fucking doctor.

- Or even a doctor. - Yet.

Billy, I don't want to be your priest, either.

- Touché. Okay. - Guys, can you just come over here

and help pick Billy up so we can get into the house?

Careful, careful.

- Lift. - Des, come on.

- Fuck. - Do you think there's booze in there?

Yeah, there's got to be. There's nothing else to do out here.

We can get Mia and Billy inside, but then we need to go find Ava.

Okay, just fucking...

you can't go back out there, Kylie.

Let's just be clear... we're breaking in, right?

- Yeah. - Awesome.

Mia, we can't leave Ava out there all alone.

- I don't think she's doing so hot. - You don't know that.

Look, you guys, we just need to get safe and warm so we can figure this out.

- We can't just leave her. - She's dead!

We all saw it.

Going back out there and getting yourself killed

isn't going to fucking change anything.

- How can you say that? - Look at me. Look at us.

- Look at Billy. - I don't know what...

- shut up! - Just shut up!

We can't do anything about Ava.

We need to find someone to help us

or get us the fuck out of here, all right?

- Des, that's not doing shit... - Please, just call someone.

- You can't go out there... - We don't have a fucking phone!

- Please, can you call... - We don't have a phone.

- She's not a nobel laureate. - Okay, okay.

Fine. Let's just get inside.

Ah, shit.

It doesn't look like anyone's in there to help us.

Great, right out of the frying pan.

Cool, so fire's still to come.

At least we'll be warm.

Easy, easy.

There's no place like home. There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

What is this horseshit?

Come on.

Just down. The ground's fine, the ground's fine.

Ah, shit! I'm twisted.

Careful.

What the fuck?

Nobody's here.

- Ah, it's fucked up. - Nobody's home.

- Ah, jeez. - They aren't coming back anytime soon.

How is it that there's no other houses around?

All these houses are people's vacation homes.

- Yeah, but it says number seven. - So?

It's the only fucking house on the street.

Maybe it's someone's lucky number, huh?

- I don't think it's ours. - Mm-mm.

- Well, I should go get some help. - And leave us here?

I'm not fucking staying here if you're going.

- I'm coming with you. - It's freezing out here, Noah.

Mia, I'll make sure I get you in the house first.

- Jesus, des. - Oh.

Holy crap.

Ooh.

She... you couldn't...

she made you look like a tool.

Des. Des.

Des.

- Des. - Yes.

Baby, you're my hero. Let's have sex.

Sorry, dude.

You probably don't have enough blood left in you

to fill that big dick of yours.

How sad is it that I'm going to die wishing I had a smaller dick?

No man should die wishing that. That's sick.

Well, if we make it out of here, you can chop some of it off.

I'd rather die.

- Can you guys be serious for once? - I'm sorry, okay?

But look at me. I'm trying to keep my spirits up.

There's no phone.

Whiskey and vodka, but no phone.

- Which did you look for first? - Lick my clit.

- Cute. - Oh, that's right.

We already played that game.

Keep talking. I need as many reasons to live as I can get.

Anyway, if there's no phone, I'm going to go get some help.

I want to go with you.

Babe, I need you to stay here so you can fix Billy up

- and make sure Mia's all right. - I'm fine.

No, you're not fine. But you will be.

Oh, god. Maybe not. Fuck.

Babe, I don't like it here.

I'm gonna second that, too.

This trip has been a total bust so far, bud.

- Okay, well, I'm sorry. - Lynchburg, Tennessee.

That's where I wanted to go. Should have gone.

Gone to the Jack Daniel's distillery, had a cocktail.

Lynchburg lemonade at the Jack Daniel's distillery.

Maybe a fucking novelty item, a t-shirt that says

"I had lemonade in lynchburg, Tennessee."

That's what I wanted to do. I would have been happy with a fucking bottle opener.

Instead, I'm in fucking Cape Cod.

Walking through the fucking marsh.

I hate fish and chips.

Yeah, um... yeah, you know lynchburg, Tennessee, is a dry county?

Thank you, Noah.

You're right. That would have been lame.

This has been much better.

I'll make sure I pencil it in next time, Princess.

Yeah. Just pencil that in.

Seriously, babe, we're still stuck in this empty house

with no phone in the middle of fucking nowhere.

- With god knows what out there. - Billy, you're going to be fine.

You've got half-naked hot chicks and apparently booze.

Exactly, huh?

This is a fucking horror movie.

There are five... way too many of us left.

Des is going to get it first. She's fucking hot.

Respectfully, I want to disrespect that ass,

but I got to do it quick 'cause she's a fucking goner.

I'm fucking hurt, so I'm next.

Shit.

And, you, fucking han solo over here, you're going off for help.

You're not coming back, boss. Textbook, dude.

- You're a goner. - You done?

No, I'm not. Mia... Mia, she's beautiful.

She's fucking annoying when she's freaked out.

- She's going to get offed pretty quick. - Shut up, Billy.

And then there's you, Kylie.

She's sweet. She's a little sassy, a little bitchy.

She's the girlfriend. She's moderately dressed.

That means she's a little more classy than everybody else.

Which means you know you're not going to see your tits.

- It's in your fucking contract. - Shut up, Billy.

This doesn't feel good.