South Park

Another morning... Waiting for the rundown school bus

to take me to the rundown school.

But today is the day I finally have the guts to do

what I should have done a long time ago.

Nobody notices what I have in my front pocket.

A little surprise for them all.

I prepared for this, but still I wonder,

will I have the guts to go through with it?

- You're damn right I will. - Are you okay, Cartman?

Yeah, I'm good! How are you, Kyle?

They're all gonna pay. Every day, they've pushed me and

pushed me, and if it happens again today, it's going to be the last time.

We'll find out today at recess, won't we? Oh, yes, we'll find out today at recess.

Hey, Eric!

- I'm not suspended no more! - Good for you.

- I think someone's in there. - No, God damn it, no!

- Who's taking the shit? - Occupied!

I called dibs on stall one for all recess, Craig!

You can't call dibs on a toilet.

Son of a bitch. Oh, no.

No, no, no. I cannot go another lunch break without my toilet time!

- Then don't eat 14 eggo waffles for lunch, fatass. - All right, that does it!

I'm sick of this shit and I'm not taking it any longer!

You all pushed me to this!

- What the hell do you think you're doing? - I'm going to the potty.

This is the girls' bathroom!

All right, I need to tell you something, Wendy. I'm transginger.

- What? - Did you notice the bow?

I'm not comfortable with the sex I was assigned at birth, so I'm

exercising my right to identify with the gender of my choice.

Now get out of my way. I have to take a shit.

Get out of here!

Don't give me more issues than I already have, Wendy.

Oh, wow. This is nice in here.

The girls' bathroom is a lot cleaner than the boys.

What the hell is that?

Cartman is using our bathroom!

Dude, this is awesome! I should have used the girls'

- bathroom a long time ago. - Hey!

- I'm gonna tell on you! - It's okay, red.

I can take a shit here. I'm a dumb chick too.

I want to know just what makes you think it's okay to go

- inside the girls' bathroom? - Because I'm transginger.

I looked it up. That means I can use the girls' shitter.

You are not transgender, Eric.

You don't even know what that means.

Yeah-huh, it means I live a life of torture and confusion because

society sees me as a boy, but I'm really a girl.

All right, well, if you identify yourself as a girl,

you must find yourself attracted to boys. Is that right?

That's actually not true. I can be transginger without it

having anything to do with the ginger I'm attracted to.

- Check the state by laws. - All right, listen, Eric...

- Erica. - Listen, Eric.

You must know why we can't have you in the girls' bathroom.

All I know is I'm transginger and you can't make

me go to the bathroom with the cisgingers.

With the what?

Cisgender.

It's the politically correct name for people who aren't transgender.

If you identify with the sex you were born with, then you're cis.

But then cisgender is just normal.

Saying "Normal" is extremely offensive to people who aren't in that group.

Trust me. You don't want this hot potato.

Just let him use the girls' room.

But this isn't a hurting, confused child we're talking about.

This is Eric Cartman.

Nobody else is gonna know that.

You better just give him what he wants.

So Eric Cartman just has us in some kind of bathroom checkmate?

Actually...

It's more like a royal flush.

- Gerald Broflovski? - Yes?

Brandon Carlile, reporter, Spin magazine.

I was hoping you could help me make sense of something.

I understand that you had a very large party in your backyard

last... Last Sunday was it?

That's right.

My son and his friends threw a party for a kid with diabetes.

I also understand that the very famous pop artist

Lorde was the entertainment at that party.

Oh, yeah, yeah, the kids were pretty excited.

Well, it... it's just a little curious, you know?

Why a hugely popular, top-20 artist would play such a...

Well, no offense... but such a humble venue.

Sorry. I don't think I get your...

You understand, we deal with a lot of fake stories at Spin.

We're just wondering how the boys got someone like Lorde to play.

From what I understand,

she's the niece of someone's co-worker here in town or something.

- You wouldn't know who? - No.

Does it really matter?

Lorde is an incredibly talented and down-to-earth young lady.

It would be a shame if someone was... having fun at her expense.

- Randy, whose are these? - I don't know. Why?

Why? Because there's fishnet stockings inside your jeans!

In my jeans?

Randy, do you have something to tell me?

Yeah, I do.

Come on! You've been in there for 20 minutes!

Yeah! Recess is almost over!

There's two more stalls in here, gals. Go ahead.

- Not while you're in here! - Oh, my God.

You guys are so cisgender.

Sorry I'm different, but you can just suck my clit and my balls.

Eric, there are people actually struggling with their gender identity,

- and all you're doing is... - Okay, okay, okay, you guys.

You know what? You know what?

That's what.

Suck my clit and balls.

Erica, I believe we have a solution to this little problem.

I don't have a problem, principal Victoria. The cisgenders have the problem.

If it is agreeable to you, Erica...

We are going to clear out the janitor's closet and remodel it...

Into a private bathroom just for you!

Excuse me?

Are you talking about my own special, executive bathroom?

Would that be agreeable to you?

- Oh, my God! - That isn't fair!

- Wendy, just go with it. - Yeah, just go with it, Wendy.

Cisginger bitch.

Of course, being forced into my own isolated bathroom

will probably be somewhat traumatic for me.

I might have to approve certain aspects of this solitary location.

Yeah, so, I'm thinking a water feature here... you know,

get the sound of running water and kind of zen it out.

Uh-huh, well, why don't you put the water feature on this side?

Oh, on that side?

You know, because you've already got A/C over here and

that leaves this open for some nice, big piece of art on this wall.

Oh, I like that. That's gonna look nice, yeah.

Yeah, listen.

I don't know if I can keep doing this.

My wife is starting to suspect something.

I had to tell her I just like the way fishnets feel!

I know your wife means a lot to you, Randy,

but you can't leave us hanging.

You've got the purest shit out there and it's worth a lot to us.

You think you're gonna get a good product when I can't even think?

How many times have you said, "I think I've lost it,"

- and everything turned out to be okay? - Every time.

Every time. Come on.

Get back to work and see.

- If you get panicked again, call me. - Yeah.

Yeah, I will. Yeah.

- You wanted to see me? - Sit down, Ron.

What do you know about one of our artists, Lorde?

17-year-old girl from New Zealand.

- Great songwriter, humble. - Wrong.

She's a 45-year-old man living in Colorado.

What?

He writes the songs, sends us the demos, we futz them,

sell him as a brooding 17-year-old girl

way ahead of her time. Nobody knows the difference.

Huh. Holy shit.

He makes good stuff. Stuff that sells.

But he's getting itchy feet.

I want you to keep an eye on him.

And if anyone around him seems like they're close to finding out the truth, well...

You know what to do.

Ah! I thought you were at the grocery store.

I was. Can you help me unload the car?

- Randy? - Sorry, sorry, yeah.

Coming.

What is that?

That's Cartman's new transgender bathroom.

- Cartman's a girl now? - He's not a woman.

He's not a man. He is something that you'll

never understand. But he would die for me.

Is it done? It's all ready?

All right, all right, move aside everybody, move aside, please.

I gotta go!

Oh, oh, this is gonna be so awesome. Ha!

Lock. Privacy.

Oh, this is gonna feel so good.

Perfect.

Yeah, you're gonna take it.

You're all alone now, toilet. Nobody can hear you scream.

Yeah, you're gonna open wide. You're gonna take your punishment!

That's right! Get ready!

Oh, my God! This is so awesome, you guys. It's just like at home.

- Peter Nelson? - Yes?

Brandon Carlile, reporter, Spin magazine.

I understand you work at the... U.S. Geological Survey.

Yeah, that's right.

I also understand that you're the Uncle

of the amazing and talented songwriter Lorde?

All right, look. I'm not her Uncle.

- I just work with her, okay? - Work with her?

How?

I like Lorde. She's really nice and really talented.

- But she lives a double life. - How's that?

Lorde isn't just a singer. She's also a very talented

scientist who specializes in fluvial geomorphology.

- A what? - She just showed up one day at

the office, started filling in for a guy who started working

part-time. She's a good geologist.