The Way You Look Tonight

I just mentioned it casually to him and he was really pissed off at me.

One minute he's nice and the next minute he's going crazy.

- What? I don't what the deal is. - Right?

- It all came out at once. - You know, I met a girl

- last week in this place. - What? no!

She said she'd absolutely never...

Oh, my God she said that?

Hello there.

Oh, hi.

I like your jacket.

Thank you, uh, I found it at a thrift store.

I got it when I started teaching 'cause it makes me feel like a professor.

But look, someone sewed on patches.

Oh, that's great. Uh, what university do you teach at?

I... actually, I don't teach at the college level.

Oh, I'm sorry, what high school? What subject?

I teach kindergarten.

Oh, well, that's really nice.

Thank you.

Listen, you are also very nice,

but I'm actually supposed to meet someone else here.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Good luck.

Uh, Alex, honey, can you send a bottle over

to those friends at table three please.

It's, uh, their anniversary, thanks.

You got it, boss.

Hi there.

Ellie?

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

- Oh, good luck. - Hey, girl, what can I get for you?

Uh, I will have...

- one of those please. - Sure thing.

So, you like whiskey?

Is that what that is?

I've never really had it before but it looks cool

when other people drink it, so.

Thanks.

That is definitely...

brown.

Hello, lovely, so good to see you.

How's everything tonight? Any trouble getting in?

No, Todd recognized me.

Great, and I see you brought a friend.

Alex, this round's on me.

You guys enjoy yourselves.

Pretty popular I see.

I'm, I'm glad that you could meet up on such short notice.

Well, I just mean that, you know, most people, they,

they don't meet up on the first day that they matched, so.

I am not most people, I guess.

And you didn't seem too scary.

Well I, I can be

tough.

What gno... gnocchi?

The g sort of just rolls off.

I am so glad I didn't order it and sound like a moron.

- Well, I've been saying gnocchi my entire life. - Gnocchi!

How have you ordered it your entire life

and never had a waiter set you straight?

I don't know, well, maybe people

think you won't tip if they correct you.

My Mawmaw always used to call it potato dumplings.

- Is that her? - Uh, yeah.

She is my hero in a lot of ways.

She got her PhD from Yale in educational psychology at 25.

Some lady.

Yeah.

Some lady.

What are you even doing on an app like that?

- I could ask you the same thing. - No, no.

My turn, my questions.

I don't know, it's been hard navigating the dating scene.

Since college really.

Like, how do you even meet people in your 20's?

I always thought I would go to grad school and meet

my soulmate, but practicality set in.

So you want to get your PhD.

- Like your Mawmaw. - Yeah, she was more of an educational psychologist.

Maybe that's how I ended up teaching the kiddos.

I swear, every single one of them is probably worth

their own little case study.

Like Milly, she does this thing, she'll close her eyes.

Okay, and I try to stop this, all right.

She closes her eyes and someone will hand her a crayon.

- Mm-hmm. - She bites into it and she guesses its color, okay.

And she's right, like 100% of the time.

- No way. - Yes, isn't that incredible?

- Oh, my gosh. - It doesn't make sense.

She's got to be clairvoyant or she has cracked

the Crayola color matrix.

Either way, people should know about it.

They should, yeah.

Sorry if that was like, 1,000% more

than you wanted to hear.

No, not at all.

So... what's stopping you from going to grad school?

It's just kind of hard to follow her up.

Or... not the crayon eater, but my mam.

I don't think she would think that.

Maybe, it's just a lot of pressure,

- if it doesn't work out. - Mm.

What about you?

Uh.

I went to school online.

For various reasons.

What about high school?

My mom home schooled me.

She wouldn't let me leave the house.

But sometimes

when she went out I would walk around

the neighborhood, it was me and Dad's secret.

People would look at me like a stranger,

but I'd been watching them my whole life.

She found out, though, one time, it was...

That was bad.

It was her way of showing she loved me, I guess.

I left when I was pretty young,

it was just... it wasn't...

It was, it was better for everyone.

I went by the old house a couple times,

it's on this corner lot in Cleveland and Knox.

My dad still prunes the roses out front.

I passed by him in the neighborhood one time and

he didn't even know, it just...

It's a weird thing to have your father look at you

and not recognize you.

I'm sorry.

I'm just...

I'm just talking about myself way too much.

- I disagree. - Oh, I'm not, like, getting too real with you,

we're not supposed to show the real us on the first date.

And we're supposed to pretend that we don't fart,

and that we really, really like trying new things...

What's the point if it's not the real you?

This is the real you, right?

For the most part.

Good.

I like you.

- Hey, bro. - What are you doing here, Mia?

I thought it was cool to chill here between classes?

- It's Saturday. - I thought you'd be at Mom and Dad's.

Yeah, I have a study group later,

and Jackson texted he was making brunch.

Uh-huh, figured you might need the energy.

Also, FYI the walls

are a lot thinner when you're banging against them.

- Ew. - So, uh, you and the lady want some breakfast?

She's not here, Jack.

- Oh. - Wait, did you see anyone leave this morning?

- Sorry, I didn't get here til nine. - Yeah, prime

ditching hours are usually around sunrise.

- You have statistics on that? - I'm just speaking from experience.

- Hey, where did you meet her? - This mobile app called Arouse.

- Ooh. - Ah.

- Yeah, no surprise there. - Oh-hoh.

What?

Wait, did she...

Her profile disappeared.

What do you expect on a pickup app like that?

Oh, but especially Arouse,

not a great track record,

or dating pool in general.

- So I've heard. - I don't know what you're talking about.

Ellie was great. Okay, the app is fine,

- I've been using it for months. - Look, maybe it's time to change tactics.

Can you just give me a second, Mia.

I seriously thought I had something real with this girl.

The fact that you think that after one night

just shows how emotionally starved you are.

The best thing you can do right now is cleanse your palate.

But, you know, pick from a different menu

to extend the metaphor.

I got to finish these pancakes.

- What does he mean? - A different approach.

Something with a proven track record, an extensive data to draw from,

a fool proof algorithm.

Like two other things.

Hey, you know, I think I might have just the thing.

Yeah.

Have they updated this since 2003?

Whatever. Done.

You 100%?

'Cause that survey's not messing around.

Man, I owe five good years of my life to that site.

And two miserable ones.

- Fucking Karen. - Yeah, all good here.

Well, awesome just drop in a profile pic

and, uh, start making matches.

Remember, shirtless profile pic screams douche bag.

Right. Okay, done and done.

Look at that. What? 98% match.

Is that good?

I mean, yeah.

That's, that's really good.

I've never gotten anything over a 90.

Uh, no, no way, no profile picture.

That is a red flag.

Why don't you try the next one down?

Is that really any better?