Traffic Light

Listen to me, you are not coming to the pool

with my family if you're gonna wear that thing.

Okay, that's fine... but just so you know,

in Europe it's considered fashionable.

Yeah, I got to go

with Mike on this one... last time you dove in,

we caught some rough angles.

Adam, you in?

Uh, no, I'm not. I don't swim with you anymore.

Why not? Because the pool does not bring out the best in you, Michael.

No!

- Yay! - Whoo!

You're really still upset about that one time?

Because the rules are so clear.

The mounts are not supposed to touch.

It's only the chickens that fight.

My chicken needed a little bit of help.

Speaking of which, this is my chicken.

I got to take this... you know, her sister's

been staying with us for the last two weeks.

She's really getting on my nerves.

Well, I'm gonna have to recuse myself...

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

we all know you hooked up at the barbecue.

Hey, she was delightful company.

Yeah, delightful on the side of my house.

That's great. I don't want to hear this,

and I'm gonna try to sell some alone time here.

Hi, sweetie.

Hey!

Look, I was thinking that maybe tonight

we could, uh, just leave your sister at home.

Yes!

Really? Okay.

Because she was making me want to kill my...

Totally.

Beautiful.

I slaved.

Isn't she a beauty?

What's happening?

I thought we were going out to dinner!

Yeah, I know. Um, Matt changed his profile status

from married to single, so it's not been a good...

- I'm just gonna start. - Right behind you.

- Stop it! - I will.

- Yeah, we... - Yeah, I got to say,

- this has been great. - Ah, wonderful.

But-but I think that now, we, uh...

- Yeah, we've got to... - Oh, no.

Mm-mm, you two aren't going anywhere.

- Dessert? - No. Better.

Dream board.

You made a collage!

No... no, honey.

I didn't make a collage.

I dreamt a dream board.

Dreamt a dream board.

I got the idea

out of this book... it said, um,

"If you can dream it, you can do it."

This is a rainbow... represents hope,

which I have right there, um, and also

sprinkled throughout are some of my "Action words".

"Survivor"!

"Tranquility"!

"Fashion"!

'Cause I love clothes.

And Brian Williams.

Of course, he's the... dreamiest network anchor.

- Thank you for getting it. - Oh, is that

- an alligator? - It is. Yes.

And this represents me,

because it has thick skin to protect itself.

And also, it can hunker down in the mud for days

and days...

and days, and never move.

She's got to go.

I-I know, but we can't just kick her out on the street.

I'm not saying we put her on the street,

just... just not here, all right?

We'll put her somewhere between here and the street.

Yeah, okay.

Great.

Oh, hi.

I've got something in my eye. That's so cliched, right?

I am not telling her she has to leave.

Can we get her a job or something?

Yeah. That's a great idea, that is a great idea.

We get her a job, and she can start a new life.

Totally!

She can move in to the Rainbow with Brian Williams.

Hey, what about Bloke?

You guys always need floaters, huh?

Kate at the office?

Bad idea.

I know. Look, I already have

to deal with my boss, Kev.

See if you can guess

if this pencil's been in my mouth.

- Yes, it has. - Yeah, it has!

This is her sister we're talking about, you know?

How do I say no to Callie?

No, you don't say no, you do what she asks you to do,

you just, uh, sort of half-ass it.

I do it all the time. Trust me.

Don't trust him.

"Just half-ass it"?

Yeah.

- Got to go. - 'Kay.

That seems like good advice.

Ow! Ow!

You want to have a breath-holding competition?

- Not really, no. - Scared?

Yeah, you are.

'Cause you know my record's a minute, 20 seconds.

So basically, you're like Aqua-Man, then?

Yeah, pretty much.

If there's some form of injustice underwater,

I'd probably be the guy.

Yeah, fighting crime a minute and 20 seconds at a time.

Just saying.

Let's do it.

Ow! You kicked me!

1:21. Nailed it!

What are you talking about? I got 1:19.

- No, it's a new record. - Digital does not lie.

It's going in the books.

Oh, yeah.

Honey, can you change Tommy, please?

Okay.

I need to teach that woman

- a lesson in water safety. - Come here...

All right, racerback,

here I come, and I'm bringing the pain.

Where are you?

There you are.

There we go.

Hey, you having fun out there?

Huh? Whoa!

Dude, that's what pools are for.

Where's the lifeguard?!

Oh, my God!

Nancy, can you hold Tommy?

Did I get her?

Sweetheart, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.

Ow. I just... I got so focused on kicking that bitch

in the racerback, I didn't see the wall.

But then Ethan...

saved my life.

Is this yours?

No.

Hey.

Konichiwa, Kev.

Uh, so, listen, I know we

take on floaters sometimes,

and I was asked to give this to you...

it's just, um... it's my girlfriend's sister's résumé.

I haven't even read it, okay?

So, um...

Gonna put that right there.

And now that we've completed

this silly little dance, I'm just gonna leave,

and if that just, you know, blows off your desk right into the incinerator,

- then, um, it's fine with me, okay? - Adam?

Not now. Kev just found a clutch new porn site.

Great. Great.

Yeah, do that, bro.

Yeah.

God, that guy's awesome.

Michael, for the thousandth time,

saying "thank you" is more than enough.

No, no, no, no. You saved the life of the mother of my son.

Mike, you know, you're my friend.

Lisa's my friend.

I've known you guys

for, like, 15 years.

Nope. Look, I want you to have this football.

It's signed by Al Gore... I was gonna save it for Tommy,

but I want you to have it.

Why was Al Gore signing footballs?

'Cause they were out of hockey sticks.

I'd like you to have my grandfather's watch.

How about that?

I've got a watch.

Y-Yeah, but he killed a Nazi with this watch.

It's a dead Nazi watch.

If you're not gonna

- let this go... - No.

I guess there is something you can give me.

Done! Name it.

I want the T-shirt.

You mean the T-shirt?

- Yep. - You mean the...

Is there any other? The Sproul Hall...

Ping-Pong Championship T-shirt?

You don't want this hanging over your head, dude.

Yeah. You, uh, mull it over while we get

this lovely lady to the hospital.

But I won that T-shirt.