Superstore

Hey! Kyle the Cloud 9 Cloud here!

And I'm about to make it rain savings!

15% off all dental products!

You want the tooth?

You can't handle the tooth!

Meatballs with a chance of clouds?

Give me a break!

A dance break!

He killed 14 people

and ate the meat off their bones.

That's what the FBI has claimed about Daniel Hertzler,

better known to millions as Kyle the Cloud 9 Cloud.

Damn, when white people go crazy, they really do it up.

Yeah, we pretty much still have the market cornered on serial killing.

It's one of the last non-integrated industries.

Okay, look, this is not the best in-store viewing.

Amy, could you change it?

Right. Got it.

Um...

Oh. Oh, no, no.

No, that just made it worse.

Yeah, thank you, Jonah.

I'm sorry, Amy, could you just let me do it?

Do you mind if I try? Thank you.

And purchased at a Cloud 9 store.

Oh, no.

All the victims were sawed into

evenly portioned pieces

with their genitals preserved in pickling jars.

- That makes sense. - Oh.

We sell pickle jars?

- No, no. - It's not working.

We're gonna have to drown this out.

Everybody sing, okay?

Come on, what's wrong with you?

Garrett, give me a beat or something.

Anything.

Okay.

Cry it out!

As most of you may have heard, our company spokesman

has been accused of some improprieties.

By improprieties, you mean killing

and eating people, right?

Or is there a tax evasion thing going on as well?

The killing and eating.

I can't speak to his tax situation.

Anyway, does anybody have any questions?

What is the difference between a zombie and a cannibal?

Oh, okay, a zombie is undead,

and a cannibal's just, like, a dude who eats people.

So I kind of meant work-related questions.

But I'm right though?

He is correct.

I have a work-related question.

What security measures are we taking to avoid revenge crimes?

Revenge crimes?

Families of the victims trying to eat us as payback.

I mean, that's what I would do.

Okay, let's not rush to judgment.

These are just allegations.

I'm sure he didn't do it.

Wait, Glenn?

Why are you so sure he didn't do it?

Because, Amy, I met Kyle at a corporate conference last year.

We had a great conversation.

He seemed like a good guy.

Well, that settles it.

I guess there's no reason for a trial.

I am telling you, there is no way that good man

could have done this horrible thing.

Right, Jeff?

Uh-huh.

You know, this was creepy even before he murdered people.

This paint smells like wet dog,

and it's gonna take at least three coats to cover this.

This is the worst day ever.

The worst.

I mean, obviously, Kyle the Cloud's victims...

Yeah. No, no.

Had a worse day when he ate their flesh off their bones.

Terrible day. That was a terrible day.

Goes without saying. Yeah.

Yeah.

Although, at least their suffering is over, you know?

Ours has just begun.

Is it insensitive that I'd rather

be in Kyle the Cloud's basement?

No.

At least you could read down there.

And it would be so dark and cool.

So dark and cool.

That would be so nice.

That's my baby sleeping.

- Oh, cool. - Aww.

Sleeping.

So cute.

- Sleeping. - Like a little angel.

Sleeping.

Oh. Oh, my gosh, this next one's kind of funny.

Sleeping.

Okay, guys, guys, guys, I need everyone's opinion.

Especially you, Garrett, since your brand is telling it like it is.

Oh, thank you for noticing.

Did you guys pick up on any weird tension

between me and Jeff at that meeting?

'Cause I think he might be into me.

Oh, I thought you were joking.

No.

I am so sorry.

Stop bullying, Sandra.

Why do you think he's into you?

Okay, the last time he was here,

he came up to me at the end of the day,

looked me straight in the eyes and said,

"I noticed you."

He said, "I noticed you"?

Ooh, Jeff is slutty.

Okay, it's not what he said, it's how he said it.

It wasn't like...

"I noticed you."

It was like...

"I noticed you."

No, that wasn't it.

It was more like...

"I noticed you."

Ah, that sounded Scottish.

Police discovered a secret

dungeon where the actor would videotape himself

dismembering and devouring his victims,

often while in cloud costume.

Oh, God.

I've said it once, I'll say it again:

You are a terrible judge of character.

Also you have a weak chin and you can't dance.

Additional items found on the property

were a coffin filled with hair

and several small bags of marijuana.

Wait, they found marijuana?

This is incredible!

Oh, no!

Get that weak chin off me!

They found marijuana!

He was high!

I hate him.

So much.

We definitely need smocks

because you make your brushes too juicy.

Hello, Clarice.

Oh, gross, stop.

It's crazy how much Kyle stuff we have to throw away.

Corporate really put their money on "not a cannibal."

Oh, God, they used to make us wear this suit to hand out flyers.

Dare you to put it on.

No. No, thank you.

Oh, okay, fine. No, I get it.

You don't want to put on the cloud suit

because you've already got a big chicken suit on

'cause you're a big chicken.

Oh, my God.

Is that supposed to pressure me into putting the suit on?

You're right, you're right.

Doing awesome things is overrated.

Just go back to painting.

Well, grab an umbrella

'cause there's a cloud moving in.

Psssh.

What does that even mean?

Oh, my God! You're doing it.

Okay, sorry. Say your cool line again.

- Say it. - Well, grab...

no, we're past it.

Isn't that terrible?

Today, of all days, she's dressed like the killer.

Why would she do that?

Hi.

Oh.

Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.

I wouldn't let my kids touch that.

It says on your website that all your rooms

have Animal Planet.

Hey there.

I noticed you were on the phone.

No, it's not life or death, it's just, you know,

at the end of a hard day, sometimes you want to come home

and watch some monkeys swinging around on the trees.

I'm just gonna come back later.

I'm sorry, could you hold on one second please?

Hey.

There's something I'd like to ask you,

but I feel a little weird about it.

Oh, no. Please, please.

- Yeah? - Yep, ask away.

Somebody vomited in the ladies room,

multiple stalls.

Would you mind?

Of course.

Great, thank you. Thanks.

I appreciate that.

Hi, yes, while I have you on the phone,

I wanted to ask you why the curtains were gone