Till Death Do We Rot

Hi, yes.

I was wondering if I could talk to someone

about my recent purchase?

Yes, I'll hold.

Yes.

Uh, the flu department?

Yes.

Yes, thank you.

Hi, yes.

I was wondering if you

were the right person to speak to?

I have some concerns over my recent purchase.

Okay, yes, thank you.

This is Sunny Smith.

Yes.

Yes, uh, just this morning.

Now, your brochure says restore to, you know, former glory,

and, you know, my husband was one of those flu victims.

You know, that, uh...

Yeah.

Yeah, a zombie.

That's what they're calling them.

Mm-hmm.

So, you know, we don't have any kids or anything,

so I wanted to remember him by more than just a picture,

and I believed this brochure when you said

you know, that they'll look...

Okay.

No.

Well then, that's false advertising.

So okay, so you mean like, how they looked when they died?

Well, you know what?

No, this is just really hard and...

Okay, transfer me.

Yes, this is Sunny Smith.

No, like I told the last representative,

my husband died from the flu virus.

He came back as a zombie,

and then your brochure said

that you would put him back to his former glory,

so that he looked like he was.

This is not my husband that I remember.

This is not the husband I spent my last 10 years with.

We have no kids, do you hear me?

Well yes, I would love a full refund,

but I also would like you to take this away,

and make it look like my husband.

No, next Friday doesn't work.

You're coming back this afternoon.

Okay, bye.

What am I gonna do with you?

This is 1200 bucks I can't get back.

I just felt like it was never gonna end.

I'm so glad it's Friday.

- Cheers. - Thank you.

Yes, it's been coming all day.

Thank you, baby girl. - You're welcome.

- You know who I saw this weekend?

Who?

That girl Joyce.

- Really? - Yeah.

- You're kidding me. - No.

She had her husband with her.

She keeps him around even though he's gone.

- How can she bring him out in public?

It is disgusting. - I know.

- I find it repulsive, if you must really know.

I mean, living with that thing?

She goes about her life like nothing's changed.

How could she do that?

It's disgusting.

I mean, she keeps that thing around like it's a pet.

It's so disgusting, but I mean, just look at her.

She's disgusting herself.

- Yeah, she looks like some biker gang dropped her off,

and then left without her.

So, so wrong.

- But does she have sex with him or something?

Oh, see that is wrong!

This is why the good Lord has punished girls.

These crazies, they think they can do anything they want,

go against his word.

Mm-mm, that's what happened with Sodom and Gomorrah,

that what's happening now.

That's why God has taken away all our men!

We are being punished.

She thinks she can do whatever she wants with that thing.

It's gonna pose more problems for us.

Okay Kat, thanks for the lesson.

I bet she does have sex with him.

You think so?

Well, she does live with him,

and she looks pretty demented herself.

- She sure seems like someone that would do it.

Defiling the corpse.

It's just so wrong.

So wrong!

On so many levels.

Well, what do you expect?

She's the town dumpster.

When everyone's moved on with their life,

she just stands there by herself,

and thinks she can go on all by herself.

You know, when the virus took my George,

I knew it was his time. (sighs)

I wasn't gonna fight it.

I mean, if only I got the vaccine in time, you know?

But I'm not gonna dwell on it.

It is what it is, honey.

It's God's will at this point.

Thanks, Kat.

You know it is!

It is.

Of course.

You all be careful.

All right anyways, more wine?

- Yes, please. - Okay.

I'll top you off there. - Thanks.

There you go.

See, this is what Father Dave

was talking about all this time.

You would know if you attended the potluck brunch at church.

Okay, y'all need scriptures.

- All right, cheers ladies. - Yes!

- Thank goodness. - Mm-hmm.

I love this new wine I got.

It really has a kick to it, doesn't it?

It sure does.

Yeah, I actually got it for like $12.

It really won't last though, that's for sure.

It's not as good as the church's.

- I think there should be some law against it.

Wait, what?

Against wine?

No!

You idiot, keeping your dead husband around.

Oh, I do too.

What's that word when you have sex with it?

What's it called?

I know it's like necro?

Necrophilia.

Ah yes, that's it.

Can he even get it up?

I mean, like, what is there to take

for that when you're a zombie?

Well, I mean, I bet she's on top.

Jesus.

Jesus, girls, I guess they don't teach Corinthians

at community college, huh?

This is what happens when you miss

the last 18 sessions of Sunday School.

Pastor Dave is not thrilled with y'all.

You and Pastor Dave.

- What about it? - What's going on?

- You better watch what you're talking about.

You better watch it!

Vanessa, Vanessa! - Ladies!

All right!

We're running out of your, your meat.

You're gonna have to take it easy on this one.

Well, you're gonna have to!

It's getting harder to go out these days.

You know how those twats are looking at me.

It's like I have two heads.

Use the fork!

Use the fork!

You really are something, you know?

You're lucky I love you.

If I was one of those judgmental cunts,

I would've offed you by now.

Here we are.

Take it easy.

Robin!

Slow down.

Listen, smart ass.

I'm just trying to be careful.

We'll run out of meat and then you'll starve.

Can you hear me?

Is that one tasty?

Hey, you are lucky that I love you.

All right.

Come on, we're done eating for now.

I have to rotate you.

Come on.

Here you go, Robin.

She's the last one.

Wake up, you Casey Anthony bitch!