Warehouse 13

Previously on Warehouse 13...

So...our own Warehouse Doctor, huh?

You like her. Ask the woman out.

Do you wanna come with me for a little walk?

I'd like that.

- Who was Hugo Miller? - A brilliant man.

He's...Retired.

Artie, half of his brain is burnt out.

Time to set things right.

- Thank you, Agent Nielsen. - I'm so glad you're back.

Hello there.

Sally Stukowski, FBI.

You've done well.

Another one? What is this?

She's in P.E.A. Down two minutes.

BP's 90 over 50. Pulse ox has dropped to 82.

- Amp of EPI. - Page Hillard upstairs.

Damn it! Just like the others.

- She's in V-fib. - Charge the paddle to 50.

Okay, and... Clear.

What the hell?

I've never seen anything like it.

It's why I called the CDC.

You did the right thing to call us.

I'm gonna bring in a consultant.

I think he'll be very helpful, I'm sure.

- Thanks. - Yeah.

Artie, where are you going

in the middle of the night?

Ah...Ha ha.

Nowhere. No place. Why?

Is that the coat I got you?

This coat? Uh...So what? Yeah.

- Is that a clean shirt? - Uh...No, it's not.

Um... Did you trim your eyebrows?

Hmm? No.

What's that smell?

What? I don't... Smell anything.

Exactly. You primped.

You're going to see Dr. Vanessa!

Who's...Dr. Vanessa?

- No one. - Oh, wow.

I have never had a lie hurt before.

She's the Warehouse Physician.

And...Artie's...

Girly girlfriend.

Uh, yeah. Dr. Calder feels

that there is an artifact

that may be causing trouble

in a hos...

...pital in Utah.

And she has asked me, a colleague, to consult,

and that is it!

And now, if you will excuse me!

Did I not leave enough food in your bowl?

- I'm coming with you. - Why? No. Why?

A hospital, Artie? There will be blood.

When you faint,

someone's gonna have to break your fall.

Ohh... Fine. Fine.

All right.

- Are you wearing spanx? - Stop looking at me.

What are you do--just--

oh! Hi.

We came as quickly as we could.

Yeah. That's record time.

Oh, blue scrubs. They quite...become you.

I mean, it brings out the blue in your eyes and--

- Oh, thank you. - Cough, cough,

said the uncomfortable young person.

So...Uh, what brings us to the great Salt Lake...

Oh, a series of very unusual deaths.

They called us, so called you-- I'm sorry.

They know about the Warehouse?

No, no, Vanessa was also on staff at the CDC.

- Sorry. - Oh, oh, I get it.

So the CDC is your Bruce Wayne daytime face,

but you spend your dark knights with the Warehouse.

- I gotcha. - She takes great pride

in making references neither of us will ever understand, so...

Riddle me this, Batgirl.

- Is that a heart? - It was.

I don't get it. She smoked five packs a day?

Why is it all... cracked and dry?

I sent a tissue sample to my lab.

One of the technicians

who spends his weekends as an amateur botanist

made a really strange discovery.

The heart muscle has actually metamorphosed

into diatomaceous earth.

What?

Uh, kidneys, spleen, lungs...

All this woman's organs have turned to clay.

Clay? And...you say there are others?

We may be facing an artifact outbreak.

- Aah! - Aah!

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

- Aah! - Aah!

- Artie's bedroom! - Ho ho ho ho!

Why are we in Artie's bedroom naked?

I don't know.

Why were you in bed with me?

I was not in bed with you! You were in bed with me!

Naked! You're naked too.

And why are you blonde?

I'm not blond! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, I'm blond! What did you do?

No! Hey, don't blame me! I mean, I'm good,

but I've never changed a woman's hair color.

Pete, we--we--we did not...

We did not do it, did we?

I don't remember.

- Did we get drunk? - No! No.

No. I-I know hangovers,

and I do not feel hung over.

There...must be some simple explanation

why you and I would be in bed.

Together.

Naked.

With Artie's toothbrush.

All the victims are female?

So far, yeah. I-I ordered a DNA analysis,

but that's gonna take a few days.

Days we don't have.

But what we do have is...

Or, is that her original DNA sequencer?

- Yeah, it is. - Whose?

Well, Watson and Crick, they won a Nobel Prize

for their proposal of the double helix nature of DNA.

But all of their work was based entirely on the research of--

Rosalind Franklin, my personal hero.

- Brava, doctor. - Thank you.

Oh, it's like watching Golden Gossip Girls.

I'll go do something.

Thank you.

Artie...

I really enjoyed our walk.

The one we took-- Me too.

It was probably the best walk I ever...walked.

In fact, it was such a successful promenade

that I was thinking perhaps...

We should take it to the next level?

A jog?

Well, you know, I-I could buy shorts.

Artie, I was kidding.

I think dinner would be nice.

Right.

When we get to the bottom of this.

Of course.

Of course.

This will prove that we didn't do anything.

- You got it? - I know how

the durational spectrometer works.

No, it's--it's the-- okay. All right.

Right? And this--okay.

There ya go. Fast-forward, will you?

Okay.

Okay, so far so...

You know, we're just... Great.

Oh...Look, we're--we're spooning.

No. We're not.

I'm fast-forwarding. All right.

- Are you drooling? - That's sweat.

Look at you. You're, like, wrestling.

You're a bed hog! I know.

Ooh! Almost saw one of the tetons.

Well... This is not funny!

Could be. Could be.

Were you making a phone call?

Uh, yeah. Maybe I ordered a pizza.

Well, nada on the nooky.

But this only shows the last five hours.

I mean, stuff could have happened before...that.

Okay, but who did I call,

and what does Artie's toothbrush mean?

Artie. What's going on there?

- Nothing! Nobody had sex. - What?

Nothing. Just me jokin' around!

Jokin' around!

- Why are you calling? - I'm returning your call.

We didn't call you, Artie.

That wasn't Pete singing the Pina Colada song

on my voicemail at 3:00 in the morning?

Oh!

That! Right. Yeah.

- Yeah, well... - Well...

Do you like... taking walks in the rain?

It--

Myka, did you do something to your hair?

No. It always looks like this.

Artie, um, does your toothbrush mean anything to you?

In the sense that it fights plaque and gingivitis,

it means a great deal to me.

You're--hello?

There is only one explanation for all of us.

Aha! Several disturbances in the stacks.

See? It was an artifact that affected us.

All right, well, let's check 'em out

and see if one of them whammyed us into...

Whammying each other.