The Mysteries of Laura

She would never come forward on her own, but...

I'm her mother and when I saw the bruising...

Well, I had no choice but to report it to you.

My little girl is being terrorized.

-She's just seven years old. -You're doing the right thing.

No child deserves to be treated like that.

I just want it to stop.

And it will. I'm promising you right here, right now.

I will bring those boys to justice.

-Really? -Oh, yeah!

-They're so grounded. -Thank you. (SIGHS)

I have been a wreck.

Zoey is so afraid of your twins, she wants to quit tae kwon do.

That won't be necessary. I am all over this.

That little girl is adorable.

How could our boys pick on her?

You can't imagine how adorable I was.

And yet, believe it or not, even I was bullied.

I believe it. The twins cannot continue to harm that little angel.

This calls for drastic measures.

Agreed, military school.

I was thinking a verbal ass-kicking and no technology for a week.

Or that!

What? Oh, this egg is bad.

Actually, I'm off eggs. That's tofu.

What? Why?

Uh, my blood work came back from the insurance.

My cholesterol is high.

How could your cholesterol be high? Your body's amaz...

Go on.

A maze of

veins and arteries and...

Why are you changing the subject? What did the insurance company say?

Nothing, just that if I don't get my numbers down, my premiums are gonna go up.

Our premiums. We still share a policy.

I retest in three days. Don't worry about it.

Your morning glazed donut, sir.

-My contribution to the cause. -(PHONE RINGING)

Broderick, go ahead.

The boys need a shadow at tae kwon do.

I volunteer as tribute.

The last time you watched the boys, the guinea pig's hair was dyed blue.

It was more of a teal. Thank you for noticing.

Call Alicia, tell her that she cannot do a drop-n-roll,

that she has got to stay

and eyeball their every move.

On it!

I got it. Not so fast.

I got a missing person, I need you and Billy to check out.

That's farm team stuff. Send Meredith and hair-plug Hal.

No, this is big league, comes from the mayor.

Apparently, his golf buddy didn't show up this morning

and the guy's wife is freaking out.

Name?

Dr. Karl Foster. Karl with a "K".

What kind of medicine does he practice?

-Reproductive Endocrinology. -Fertility doctor.

Any financial troubles at home or the office?

Money isn't a problem.

Karl and his partner, Dr. Lens have the busiest clinic in Manhattan.

Any problems at work? With the partner or any disgruntled patients?

No. Dr. Lens and Karl have been friends for years. And their patients adore them.

-Talk us through last night. -He was right here in his office.

I was in bed, watching The Biggest Loser...

Ah-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. No spoilers. I haven't watched yet.

Although, I think Dolvett was in my dream last night.

You and me both.

So, then what happened?

I fell asleep and when I woke up this morning,

I knew something was wrong, Karl's side of the bed was still made.

He never came in.

Mrs. Foster, I hate to ask you this, but...

Is there any chance that maybe your husband was having an affair?

Karl used to joke and say that he didn't have time to have an affair.

But the truth is, he's devoted to me. There's no way...

I know I seem like a gullible housewife, but you don't know Karl.

He just wouldn't walk out. You have to believe me.

Would it be okay if we just took a look around?

Please.

Ooh! Wow!

The hydraulics on this thing are amazing.

I bet this chair is more expensive than my car.

Hidden calendar!

Look like Dr. MIA might have been keeping something from his wife after all.

Really?

Every two weeks, he has an appointment with someone by the initials B.B.

Barry Bonds, Bob Barker, Bilbo Baggins, Big Boobs...

Please, stop guessing.

And next week, he has a Bahamas cruise scheduled.

Ah, Dr. Foster! And I was hoping you were gonna be different.

Did you find anything useful?

Is this your husband's handwriting?

Yes, but I think he uses the calendar on his phone.

Mrs. Foster, do you know this woman?

No.

I'm sorry, I need a minute.

-So, are we done here? -I don't think so.

Cheating or not, a rich doctor doesn't just pick up and leave everything behind.

Things are just not adding up.

Check out the name on the back.

Beautiful Becky?

Big Boobs works, too.

Wait a minute, I recognize that logo on her uniform.

It's from Pierpont Downs.

And we're off to the races.

Let's see if we can find this Becky woman.

Or someone who recognizes the doctor.

Okay. (SIGHS) Ticket taker, concessionaire.

Argh!

-Concessionaires! -Two out of three.

Get candy!

Do you know this guy?

I'm sorry, lady, I only take bets.

I'll bet that I have a badge.

Have you seen him around here?

Place your bet and move your butt.

I'm placing a bet, rude!

-Have you seen him? -Yeah, I've seen the guy.

He's a big bettor, not a good bettor but a big one.

What horse do you want?

Oh, um, uh, one...

Okay, one dollar on Hawkish Priest.

Put me down for a five on Harder Baby Harder.

I'll give you "harder". My butt and I are still betting.

Okay, what about the woman in the photo?

Becky, does she work here?

Here, just, put it all on, uh,

Harder Baby Harder.

Okay, we got 64 cents and a ninja on Harder Baby Harder.

Eh, yeah, I think the girl works here. Try the VIP Lounge.

This is the VIP room, I'd hate to see the SOL room.

-A lot of men and their... -Nieces?

Oh, is that what they're calling them these days?

Ugh! Poor Mrs. Foster!

She had no idea what her husband was doing.

-Or who. -(SIGHS)

Hi, we're looking for the man in this photo.

And I am looking for another amaretto sour.

Sorry, Trish, you're cut off.

Who do I have to sleep with to get one more lousy drink?

Please, tell me it's you.

So, do you know him or not? His name is Karl Foster.

Uh, I don't think so. Can I get you a drink on the house?

Sweet, but I'm on the job.

How about you take another look?

Sorry.

We get a lot of wives in here asking questions.

We try not to get our regulars in trouble.

-Is Karl a regular? -He's in here every couple of weeks.

Bets a lot, drinks a little.

Did he have a thing going on with her, Becky?

That's Jenna.

She was a concierge here until she got promoted a couple of months ago

to Santa Anita.

It's Harder Baby Harder pulling up to Idiot Savant.

Harder Baby Harder?

He's pushing inside for the home stretch. It's Harder Baby Harder followed...

Oh, yes!

Go, Harder Baby Harder.

Here comes Bahamas Cruise with a last-minute break.

Go, go, Harder Baby Harder.

Harder Baby Harder! Harder, harder!

And it's Bahamas Cruise for the win followed by Harder Baby Harder.

Argh!

That's Bahamas Cruise for the win.

-What's up? -Did you catch that?

-Catch what? -Bahamas Cruise.

Uh, excuse me?

Did Beautiful Becky race today?

Um, I'm not sure. You can check the form.

Beautiful Becky isn't a woman. She's a horse.

Uh, why the face?

I don't love horses.

-"Don't love" as in scared? -No.

You're scared of horses?

Your dad never took you to a pony ride?

Oh, God, no! He's deathly allergic to horse dander.

He has gambled on just about everything.

My clarinet recital comes to mind.

-But, never horses. -(WHINNYING)

Probably saved him a lot of money. Beautiful Becky.

He always said that nothing good happens at the race track.

I think this guy would agree.

Lividity puts time of death between 10:00 p.m. and midnight.

It could've been a heart attack. But look at this.

Multiple puncture wounds to the chest.

Tiny ones. Injections?

Could be any kind of poison. We'll know sooner if we can locate that weapon.

So basically, what we're looking for...

Oh, no. Do not say it.

...is a needle in a haystack.

Oh, and he said it!

-(SNEEZES) -Bless you.

Okay.

-(SNEEZES) -Bless you.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, no! Horse dander.

I thought my dad never gave me anything. Oh, God!

All right! Okay, look...

You go on ahead, I got this covered. Just go anywhere.