The Mighty Ducks

... The Minnesota Pee Wee Championship is up for grabs.

Both teams playing like there's no tomorrow.

Duluth, in the Hawks' zone,

looking for a chance to win it. Only a few seconds remain.

There's a pass out to the blue line. Intercepted by Gordon Bombay!

Bombay! He's got a breakaway.

Across the blue line all alone for a chance to win the game!

He's pulled down from behind by Fox of Duluth.

Fox definitely pulled him down from behind and this could be...

Yes, the referee calls for a penalty shot.

What a game!

Hi, Gordon, it's up to you.

I don't wanna see any goats around here after the game.

You got it? Now, you miss this shot...

you're not just lettin' me down, you're lettin' your team down too.

A pressure situation he's in now.

The 1973 Pee Wee State Championship

now rests on the little shoulders of number nine, Gordon Bombay.

Gordon! Gordon!

Gordon! Gordon! Gordon!

Let's go, son! All right!

He hit the goalpost, with a chance to win the game!

What a heartbreaker!

Little Gordon Bombay had the chance...

All my client did was attempt to give you what you wanted!

Isn't that right?

This man put his neck on the line for your greed.

Objection. Your Honor?

Will both counsellors approach the bench?

What's he doing?

I don't have anything to tell you.

I just wanna make them wait.

So nod like I'm saying something important.

- Mr. Bombay? - Gordon, what are you doing?

- Get out there and be my lawyer. - Perfect.

This drives him nuts and I love it.

Nice tie, Frank. You wore that yesterday, didn't ya?

Oh, Mr. Bombay, I'm so glad you could make it.

Please restrict yourself to a relevant cross-examination!

Your Honor, the applicability of societal intent,

vis-a-vis individual action is well established.

I'm citing Minneapolis V. Higgins,

in which the appellant court overruled a judge

who disallowed similar testimony.

Now, if I'm not mistaken, that was... you.

Wasn't it, Judge Weathers?

I stand corrected, counsellor. Objection overruled.

Oh, you really stooped to an all-time low on this, Bombay.

I'm insulted by that, Frank. You have no idea how low I can stoop.

I mean, I don't mind losing. I would just like to lose fair.

Losing fair is still losing, Frank. Gotta go for the "W" every time.

And what about justice? That man should be in jail.

It was your job to put him there. Don't take it out on me!

Next time, do your job, Frankie boy.

- 30 and 0! I remain undefeated. - What about the Frazier case?

We don't count that one because I scored with the court reporter.

The one you said had the intelligent body?

That's the one.

- No calls on the Duck phone? - Not yet.

What's he waiting for? I saw him in the back of the courtroom.

How about some kudos here, huh?

Mr. Tolbert dropped off ringside seats for tonight's North Stars game.

Hockey? Forget it!

Gordon, here's the research for the Pearlstein Project.

- Can you get started? - Jane!

Can't you see I'm reveling here? Today I'm 30 and 0!

- 30 and one. - Type, Jeannie, don't speak.

Mr. Bombay's office.

Yes. It's Ducksworth. You're right. He wants to see you.

Ha-ha-ha! Thank you very much, Mr. Ducksworth!

It was nothing, Mr. Ducksworth. Quack, quack, quack, Mr. Ducksworth.

Gordon, another fine job today.

- Thank you, sir. - Just one thing.

Score. Don't spike.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean, sir.

This is a business. It isn't a game.

Next time, a little restraint might be in order.

Hey, man, get off my back

I'm doin' the best I can, yeah

You bust my neck Cut no slack

Forget your fellow man Yeah, yeah, uh-huh

Pull your vehicle over to the right, now!

This is not good.

- Hey, man, whoa yeah yeah - License, please.

- Could you turn down the stereo? - Sure.

I guess it was a widdle noisy.

A "widdle"?

Okay, I'm taking you down to precinct.

Breath, blood or urine?

No, thanks, I'm full.

Okay, out of the car. Now.

The charges against Mr. Bombay are driving under the influence,

driving with an open container and reckless endangerment.

And to think I almost stayed home this morning.

I assume you're representing yourself?

Twelve moving violations in three years?

How do you still have a license?

Okay, let's talk business. What am I facing?

Suspension of license? Fines? What?

Yes, unless the D.A.'s office

will allow you to plead guilty to lesser charges.

But that's solely up to the prosecutor.

The city of Minneapolis does not wish to pursue a plea bargain

in this case, Your Honor.

- Hmm. - Gotta go for the "W," right, Gordo?

The defendant is released on his own recognizance.

Mr. Ducksworth. What are you doing here?

I own the place. How about you?

Just goin' over a few cases. RICOH Statute stuff.

Oh, I thought you might be researching your defense

against D.U.I. and reckless endangerment.

Did you think I wouldn't find out, Gordon?

There was no reason to concern you with it, sir. They have no case.

Frank Huddy just wants my scalp.

I found a loophole. I'm gonna plead not guilty...

Gordon, stop it. There's not going to be a loophole.

There's not going to be a trial. I am not going to have you drag

this firm's good name through the mud.

I've talked to Judge Weathers

and he has agreed to suspend the disposition of your case.

Under what conditions?

Probation, suspension of your driver's license,

and 500 hours of community service.

And a leave of absence from the firm.

A leave of absence? He can't do that.

- He can't stop me from working! - He's not. I am.

That was my condition. Gordon, you need a break.

- You're too wrapped up in your work. - But, sir, my work is my life.

That's just my point.

The community service will do you good.

It'll teach you compassion, a sense of fair play, how to fit in.

- Community service? This is horrible. - You'll get used to it.

And hopefully, you'll come back a better person

and a better attorney,

which is why I'm keeping you on salary

and have arranged a driver for you.

You know, in the early '70s,

I drove the tour bus for The Grand Funk Railroad.

Man, that was the life. Chicks, parties,

amps cranked up to about eight jillion decibels.

Doctor said all that loud music damaged my hearing,

but I got no regrets. Except for the '80s.

How could he do this to me?

Community service... coaching hockey!

I found one! I'm comin' out!

Karp, you finally found something for once in your life.

Dumpster Dave comes through!

What do you think?

Lovely, Karp, it goes with your eyes.

You gonna take that from him, Karp?

No. Remind me to bust your head, Averman.

- Thanks, Peter. Thanks very much. - Did you get it?

- Yeah! Right there! - Yeah!

Here, Petie. Here, boy.

A little chili to keep you warm, buddy.

- Oh, yeah, that's nice. - Oh, yeah, look!

I can't believe he ate the can too.

He sniffs.

He sniffs again. Looking for that perfect place.

He sniffs some more. He stops.

I think this is it! He's turnin' in a circle.

- He squats! He scores! - Yes! We did it!

Full load.

Stinks!

Come on, come on, give me the dollar!

- Hurry it up already. - I'm hurryin', okay?

- Go, go, go, go! - Yeah! All right! Let's do it!

Oh, come on. Stop!

- Yes! - Okay! Here we go.

Yeah. There's more inside.

He's takin' off with it.

This guy deserves what he gets.

Oh, guys, he saw us.

Oh, my!

Rink's gotta be around here someplace.

Just look for a sign that says "Personal Hell."

How could he do this to me? I hate kids. They're barely human.

Come on! Over here!

Keep it down, please!

Hey, please, come on. There's no need for this.

Let's talk, come on. I'm your friend, aren't I?

Come on, Goldberg, at least try to stop it.

I'm getting tired of chasin' the puck.

Be careful, man. It almost hit me that time.

Goldberg, you're the goalie. It's supposed to hit you.

Does that sound stupid to anyone else?

Good God. That's the hockey team.

Drive out on the ice.

It'll be all right.

I ain't scared. Come on.

- You don't know what you're doin'. - Shut your face, Karp.

- We'll get in big trouble. - Chill, all right?

- I'll take care of it. - They're drugs, I just know it.

Yo, dude. You obviously in the wrong hood.

This is my dominion.

This is a drug-free zone, you understand?

We ain't buyin' nothin'. I'm feelin' generous today.

So I'm gonna let you get your sorry vanilla bootie outta here

before we be usin' your eyeballs as hockey pucks.

Thanks, bro, but I'm not goin' home 'til I take care of business.