Riam Sing (อีเรียมซิ่ง)

Where is Riam?

-Ram! -I'm talking to you. Where is Riam?

Ram.

Spit it out!

Where is Riam?

All right, I'll tell you where she is.

ONE MONTH EARLIER

Toh, the Flying Shield.

Sorn, the Homicidal Hammer.

Mor, the Herb Doctor.

Riam, it's just training. Why so serious?

My eyes are bad, and you're going to kill me!

You told me not to hold back.

But you don't have to squash us like we're tadpoles.

-Hurry up. They'll be here soon. -Yes, ma'am.

-Waew, are you done? -I am.

Give it to me.

Your mung bean sweets look delicious.

They could look even better.

Don't be so modest.

Your sweets are well-known from Bang Namkroi to Bang Kapi.

Thanks, Mom.

Well, where's my youngest daughter?

I bet she's at the temple with Sorn and the gang.

Pumpkin!

Yes, Mom.

Go get Riam.

Why me?

Because you're my boy. Go.

That was quick.

She's already on her way.

Oops.

Stop right here.

I told you not to hang out with Sorn and his gang.

Why can't you be a lady like your sister?

Martial arts are not for girls.

No guy will want to look at you!

Go clean up and put on your best clothes.

The chief and his son are coming.

Ram, Jam, let's check on the desserts.

-Yes, Mom. -Go.

Quick.

-Come on, Auntie. -Okay.

What are you standing there for?

Why should I put on my best clothes?

The chief's son won't even look at me.

He'll only have eyes for her.

So why don't you make him look at you, huh?

Well…

your sweets are second to none.

Everything we serve you

was made by my daughter Ram.

Wow, she would make the finest housewife.

Listen,

my son, Kem, has just finished school in the capital.

It would be nice if he could get to know your daughters.

So that one day we may become one big, happy family.

I heard you have two daughters, right?

Then my son will have to choose one of them.

But where's your other girl?

Riam!

What the hell are you doing?

You told me to clean myself up.

Out here?

Do it in the back!

But I like it here.

No! Get out of here!

No need to yell at me, Mom.

I told you to get ready to welcome Chief Aum.

Don't worry.

I have prepared a show for him.

Go.

We're ready.

Great. It's a circus.

Want a spittoon?

Just swallowed it.

Whoa.

-Let's pay our respects first. -Just a minute.

Who are these people?

The mustachioed one is Sorn, an ex-soldier.

That guy is Toh, an ex-bandit.

The one with glasses is Mor. He sells wild herbs.

What a motley crew.

An odd and crazy crew. They live in a temple, or so I heard.

Good afternoon, lovely ladies and dishonorable men.

Ladies and gentlemen!

We are proud to present a modern Thai ensemble,

the likes of which you've never experienced before.

Other bands offer only music,

but ours offers comedy as a bonus.

Overture, please.

Hold on.

Why don't you play the instruments?

This is fusion music.

What is that?

A combination of opera, a cappella and spirulina.

Isn't that seaweed?

Seaweed that evolves into a xylophone.

One more time.

Our ensemble has a long and reputable history.

In the old days, we were called the Kickapoo.

We traveled across the sea to perform for Qin Shi.

Emperor Qin?

Only for his Terracotta Army.

But they couldn't hear you!

Our next song is "Horse Dance."

The Kickapoo sailed across the Mediterranean

and performed before Queen Elizabeth.

Her Majesty was very pleased and gave us lots of pounds.

-Pounds sterling? -Pound cakes.

There's still some left. Wanna try?

Must be stale by now.

Next is "Hopping Hare."

The Kickapoo took a train to Japan.

The Shogun loved us so much, he gave us a gesture.

-A thumbs-up? -The middle finger.

-Damn! -That means you sucked.

The first song sucked, but later he gave us lots of fish.

-Sashimi? -Fish bones, because we sucked.

They're still stuck in my teeth.

I get the picture.

Next is "The Burmese Axe Dance."

After Japan, we went to Bago in Burma

where we played before King Peter…

-It's King Prae. -King Peter was one of his five siblings.

A big family, I guess.

Then we crossed the ocean again to Scandinavia.

Enough with the history. I want to see you perform now.

You just saw it. We've already done five songs.

You're done?

Already? I must have gotten carried away with your jokes.

You enjoyed it, right?

Well, your youngest girl seems a bit silly.

I think you just blew your chance.

Ram, can you play any instruments?

If you don't get him, your sister shouldn't either.

My dear sister, please come here.

Go ahead.

Come here, please.

What do you want, Riam?

Ram will perform with us.

What are you doing?

You're a girl of many talents. You can do this.

We'll perform this song with no instruments.

It's called "Lao Duang Duen."

Ram will give us some music.

Ready?

Oh, my beautiful moon…

Ram, what are you waiting for?

Beatboxing. You know what it is, right? Let's try again.

Oh, my beautiful moon

I am serenading you, my love, my moon

It's late, I have to say good night

My heart aches for your moonlight

Oh, my beautiful moon

I am serenading you, my love, my moon

It's late, I have to say good night

My heart aches for your moonlight

Wow! Amazing!

Wow! Amazing!

What incredible skill!

So have you and your son decided?

My son prefers a soft and sweet girl.

Ram was supposed to be the one,

but we were taken aback by her fierce beatboxing.

Oh, that was a prank Riam was pulling to discredit her.

Really? Her dubstep was pretty intense.

Okay, then I'll go for…

Riam.

I mean Riam should stay away from my son.

And Ram will be my daughter-in-law.

What about your cousin here?

You're a bright young man. Don't you fancy my Riam?

I have an urgent meeting. I'll see you another time.

EVERLASTING HARD-ON - MOANING LADIES THE GREAT BENGAL TIGER

Candy.

Yo!

-Do you like to suck? -What?

-Wanna suck? -Huh?

Lollipops?

No.

This song is fun. Can you dance?

I'm the best dancer in the mountains.

Why so sad? Let's dance.

Come on.

Dance, dance.

Let's dance together. Come on, dance.

Show me what you've got.

You won't dance or you can't dance?

Hey, that's an insult!

Challenge accepted.

Come on.

Hey, keep dancing.

Keep it coming. Keep dancing.

What moves! Marry me!

What was that?

You had a bizarre dream.

Who is he anyway?

I don't know. I'm still upset about the chief.

Why does everyone like Ram?