Superior Donuts

Oh, no, forget it.

Great. The guy at the marina said my motor just burned out.

I forgot you had a boat.

I told you I go motorboating every weekend.

I thought that meant something else.

It's gonna cost me $2,000 for a new one, hmm?

Now, how am I gonna come up with money like that?

Why don't you raise your prices?

You haven't done that for a while.

She's right. Your prices are almost as low

as the free donuts at the homeless shelter.

What? It's on my way home from work.

When was the last time you raised your prices?

I think it was during the Bush era.

Which Bush?

Father? Son?

Burning?

No, I'm not doing that.

I-I'm afraid I'm gonna scare away my customers.

But the neighborhood is gentrifying.

These new people can afford it.

They have money to burn.

Just around the corner, they opened up a new cheese store.

So?

It's for cats!

I-I got to think about this pricing thing.

I'll be back.

Good morning. What can I get you?

I don't know.

- What's good today? - Huh, let's see.

Well, if you're in for something sweet and chocolaty...

I am very uncomfortable with this level of customer service.

Oh, my bad.

Hey, everybody, meet Tavi.

She's a grad student at the art department at Dearborn.

Wow.

Smart, beautiful, artistic.

What you doing with this guy?

You must be Randy.

Franco's told me all about you guys.

You must be Tush, and...

you're the greedy slumlord.

Hey.

I'm also a greedy dry cleaner.

Here you go. So, uh, what we doing tonight?

'Cause I was in the mood for something free.

Ah.

Tempting, but I'm busy.

I bet I could think of some way to make it up to you tomorrow.

What, with, like, sex and stuff?

Fine.

I'll walk you out.

What do you guys think "stuff" is?

I think it's nachos.

Okay, I've reached a decision.

I'm gonna raise my prices.

Oh, well, that's progress.

Next step, stop referring to Wi-Fi as "witchcraft."

What kind of price hike we talking?

Well, everything's just gone up 20 cents.

All right, ten cents.

A nickel.

Hey.

Would you come with me next time I buy a car?

Look at this.

They found another head on Lake Shore Drive.

I wonder if it matches the torso over on Clark.

Or that ear they found on Sheffield.

Yeah, it's like a bloody Mr. Potato Head.

Hey, morning, Tush.

- The usual? - No. Swimsuit season's coming,

so half my usual.

Three glazed, coming up.

Oh, Tush, uh, that'll be another 15 cents.

Remember, I raised my prices today?

Oh, right, no problem.

Can you spot me 20 cents?

Oh. He only needs 15.

Well, I don't know about you, cheapskate, but I tip.

Hey, Franco.

Tavi.

Hey, Sweatpants, Arthur, Sofia, meet Tavi.

Hi. Sofia.

I love the blue in your hair.

Thanks. I love your green.

Oh, that's kale.

I lost the lid on my blender.

So, we were in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd swing by

and show off my new man.

- (chuckles) - Patrick, Jasmine,

- this is Franco. - What's up?

Hello. Oh, don't be offended if Jasmine doesn't speak.

She's taken a vow of silence for her performance art project.

How do I get my wife into performance art?

Hi, um, I'm Arthur.

Tavi, doesn't he look

just like the groundskeeper on your parents' island?

What... your parents have an island?

And a handsome groundskeeper?

So, what, is your family rich or something?

Well, my dad's done pretty well.

He runs a hedge fund.

My dad had a hedge fund.

He was saving to buy clippers to trim our hedge.

Yeah, we had a hedge.

Oh, don't forget, uh, my art show starts tonight at 7:00.

7:00 it is.

P.S., we also had a shrub.

Hey.

Sweatpants, all right, it's kind of a big deal, all right?

Not just anybody can get in.

Oh, no, he can come.

It's just a preview. You know, collectors, friends,

and whatever you are.

Oh, well, last night I was the guy at the Genius Bar,

and you were a girl with a very dirty iPad.

I got a role for you to play.

You're the employee who sweeps up the very dirty kitchen.

Thank you, Arthur.

If I ever need to last longer in bed, I'll think of you.

All right.

Ooh.

A three-dollar donut hole?

I'm intrigued.

Ooh, damn it.

Oh, the printer made a typo.

Yes, they did.

It's supposed to say $30,

but because Arthur cares for his customers,

you pay only three.

Fine, I'll take half a dozen.

But no more.

Swimsuit season's coming.

That'll be 18, uh... dollars...

Isn't that a lot of money for donut holes?

This pressed juice cost $12.50.

I'm happy to pay for things that are authentic.

Well, no one is more authentic than Arthur, over here.

Yeah, these donut holes are artisanal, uh,

small-batch...

cruelty-free.

I can taste the craftsmanship.

This flour is definitely locally sifted.

People should know about this place.

Gramming it!

Well, enjoy your holes.

I can't believe that I got away with that.

You know, Arthur,

honest businessmen don't usually refer to a sale

as "getting away with it."

And when we said to raise your prices,

we didn't mean, like, a thousand percent.

She makes a good point.

Hey, it's called capitalism.

You charge what the market will bear.

He's right.

It is called capitalism.

No, it's called taking advantage of people.

Which I hate. It's disgusting.

Taking advantage? He was happy.

And Arthur needs a boat motor.

He's way too old to paddle.

Y-Yeah,

you know what? Fawz is right. I mean,

if they're willing to pay, who am I to stop them?

I'm just saying, you're gonna regret it.

You'll thank me later.

- Hey. - Yo.

Tavi seems cool.

Mm-hmm.

Too bad it won't last.

What the hell are you talking about?

We have a lot in common, man.

She likes skateboarding, kung fu movies,

and we're both tired of white people talking about Hamilton.

Franco.

She's rich.

Really rich.

And you're not.

Really not.

So?

So all rich girls go through this phase.

She just wants to slum it up with a bad boy.

I'm not a bad boy.

You grew up in the hood, you're a tagger,

you've been arrested.

To a rich girl, you Tupac.

I think what Sweatpants is talking about

is virtue signaling.

You bet I am.

But you might want to spell it out for these folks,

in case they're not as bright as we are.

Well, it's when you hang out with someone

of a lower social status so that people can think

you're more open-minded and progressive.

That's the definition I use.

Okay, that's not what's going on here, all right?

So I'm not letting you and Sweatpants get in my head.

Enjoy your coffee.

So, Sofia, you think Tavi is using Franco?