Donny!

Back in five, four...

Welcome back. Today, we are doing a very special show.

All right, Becky, tell everybody exactly what happened.

Um...

I took a photo and I sent it to my boyfriend.

A sext.

A sext.

And, um, I had... I had a bra on.

- So you were covered up here? It's like a - Yeah.

- bathing suit. Okay, okay, good, good. - I was totally covered up here.

- And that was really good. - Okay.

But, um...

I-I didn't have any...

I didn't have any underwear on.

Draw her out, Donny. Every detail.

- Nothing? - Nothing, and I was kind of...

- That... that probably wasn't so good. - No!

And for some reason,

my... my face was kind of...

What... what was wrong with... you have a beautiful face.

Well, no, but, Donny,

- it wasn't beautiful at all. - No? Okay. I'm sure... I'm sure...

I'm sure it was okay. We have more tissues

- here. It's okay. Okay. - It wasn't good. Thanks.

My boyfriend Patrick, um, we... we broke up

and then he sent that photo

- to all of his friends. -

And then it went viral.

- And now I'm... - It's okay.

I'm this meme called... "Psycho Sexter"

- - It's okay.

Okay, Donny, bring it around.

Becky, I need you to trust me.

I do.

And sometimes we have to go

a little further down to get back up here.

So I'm gonna have to put that... the mims up that...

It's a meme, you dumb-ass.

Memes up there. The memes is...

I-I don't... I don't think...

She's helping a little girl out there

who's about to do the same thing.

Of course, there's some girl out there

who's about to do the same stupid thing

and you're gonna help her not to do it.

Tommy, just put really quick...

- Please stop. - Like, "Boom, boom, out." Let's put it up

there, okay?

- Oh, my God. - No, it's okay. It's okay.

- Put the other one on. - You can see it's a bit salacious, but

we've covered up the X-rated parts.

- Big monitor too, Tommy. - I wanna make sure that everyone sees it.

Oh my God. Why does it have to be on that one too?

Just... that's technical TV stuff.

Don't worry about... we're helping somebody out there.

Another five seconds, tops.

- I don't underst... - One Mississippi...

- My job does not define me. - Two Mississippi...

- My job does not define me. - It's coming down.

All right, get it off. Yeah, don't look at it.

Close your eyes. Okay, it's down.

Look, it's "Donny!" Okay, all right.

That's the hard part. Now we do the work.

I want you... that's your camera over there.

- Okay. - Gonna talk directly

to your boyfriend and you're gonna say, "Peter"...

- Patrick. - "Patrick..."

- Patrick... - "You are a coward."

- Patrick... - Up, up, come on.

It's your time, it's not his.

Up. "Patrick..."

- Patrick... - "You're a little boy."

You are a little boy.

"And I am gonna find a man."

- I'm gonna kill you! - No, no, no, stop, stop!

Toss to break. We got a super nut.

Let's break. Break, guys.

We're gonna take a little break.

Great show, everybody!

No sexting!

Holy crazy town. Glad that's over.

- I feel so stupid, you know? - Don't feel stupid.

- What's Donny doing over there? - Do you have a phone?

- I want to text you my number. - Don't give her your number.

- This is my personal cell. - Oh!

You feel free to call me anytime.

- Thank you. - And you are not stupid.

- Congratulations. He's yours now. - I'm gonna kill him.

Single stupidest guest of all time.

I mean, like, who sends out a picture, like, with their face like that? Like...

I don't think it was her face

that was the problem so much as her exposed vagine.

She was, like, definitely a little into me though.

Yeah, no, I saw you give her your number, idiot.

You know, I want to help people.

She was sweet.

She was not. She was crazy.

Listen, if Borderline Becky calls or psycho sexts you,

I need you to do nothing, okay?

No, I'll just talk to her if she calls.

No, no, do nothing.

You worry too much. You're so paranoid.

You know, when you first came in here,

you were like all go-go girl,

little associate producer, all happy.

Now you're a big executive producer and you're all up...

Look, even in your face, you're all uptight and serious.

- Relax. - Our ratings are dipping, okay?

Dr. Phil is digging our grave,

and Ellen is dancing on top of it.

We need the freshest ideas, stuff nobody's done.

- Think. - Bing. Got it.

I am telling you. Lesbians.

You know, it can't always be about lesbians,

and you are obsessed with lesbians.

Okay... cancer.

- Cancer's always good. - Um,

- no. - No, no, we do... Listen to me.

Cancer rates, Robin Roberts.

Got that cancer, her cancer doubled the numbers overnight.

I mean, thank God she's okay, but, you know, wow.

I think cancer's only good for ratings though if

you're the one who's got it.

- Yeah. - And you don't have it.

- It's not like I want to get cancer. - You don't want to get cancer for ratings.

Got it. I had cancer.

- You had cancer? - I had cancer.

- You didn't have cancer. - Do you remember last April?

I had... it was a mole, and I went to the dermatologist.

- Uh-huh? - And she said,

"Had you let this go another year,

it could have been precancerous."

It could have been precancerous.

- You might have maybe had... - Future cancer.

- Future cancer. - So it's still cancer.

- I don't think so. - Don't take my cancer away.

You're the worst.

You think I can't do that?

I don't think we should do that.

- I think that that would end your career. - You're right. No cancer.

I got it. Hot women with varicose veins.

Coco loco.

How's my best girl?

What's going on?

We... are in a mood. What's the matter, baby?

It's nothing.

Jagger! It's my main man. How was school today?

I got several "A"s on several tests.

Several "A"s on several tests.

All right, Mel, let's take these guys home.

Is Galina gone yet?

Can we maybe just have a little fun,

joyful, family...

Is Galina gone yet?

Yes, Galina is gone.

She's on a shoot in Morocco or something.

Dad, are you and Galina going to get married?

Uh, no. We are not gonna get married, um,

but I like her, we date,

and she's a good friend.

Speaking of which, you want to invite any of your buddies over tonight?

- No. - You sure?

I mean, I want to see you with your friends.

- You're always alone... - Dad!

- Just leave him alone. - Okay. I'm just trying to help.

I'm just trying to help him. Are you sure, bud?

Great. Daddy's not gonna talk to anybody.

'Sup, D?

How my Deutschettes today?

Mm, I like Donny's Angels better.

We'll be there in a couple minutes.

Jagger wants some milk. Get me an iced coffee.

- And what do you want, sweetheart? - Two iced coffees.

And a decaf iced coffee for the ice princess today.

Yep, Violet loves making iced coffees.

Hey, and while she does that, I'll just babysit

your creepy Russian girlfriend.

What is Galina doing there?

She's been hovering downstairs for about half an hour

and refuses to sit down.

She's a catch, Donny. I'm really happy for you.

Hey, hey, he's your boss, not your buddy.

I thought we were his only buddies.

W-what's going on there?

Nothing. Delivery guy.

So Pam emailed and said that if Borderline Becky calls,

to hand the phone to one of us so we can play Wrong Number.

Did you seriously give your number to the Psycho Sexter?

All right, relax.

It's not that big of a deal, okay?

I got it. All right, we'll be home in a second.

- Drive safely, Donny. - Oh, honey.

Donny doesn't drive. He has a driver.

Tell the driver to drive safely, Donny.

You are doing a really good job.

So I'd just like to preface this by saying

I'm super excited to be here, but tell me again,

why does he need three assistants?

Well, you want us to fire you?

- Can you do that? - Mm-hmm.