Wingman

we are being watched.

The government has a secret system,

A machine that spies on you every hour of every day.

I designed the machine to detect acts of terror,

But it sees everything,

Violent crimes involving ordinary people.

The government considers these people irrelevant.

We don't.

Hunted by the authorities, we work in secret.

You will never find us, but victim or perpetrator,

If your number's up, we'll find you.

Nypd.

Ohh.

Oh, my god. What happened?

What the hell are you doing?

Catching the bad guys.

Yeah. We had three rmp's coming.

You know, a little thing called backup?

You know, sometimes we wait for it instead of shooting people,

'causing mayhem in the middle of manhattan.

It's hot as hell out here.

Figure i'd save us all some time.

Listen, you're not a lone wolf anymore, pal.

You're a cop, and you need to start respecting the job.

There are rules and regulations that come with that badge.

Like you haven't bent those rules before?

Yeah, well, i don't anymore.

You know who else doesn't? The new captain.

Well, that was novel.

Shooting a perp in front of hundreds of witnesses?

Subtle.

The guy's probably gonna need crutches

For the rest of his life.

What is that, the third or fourth guy

You kneecapped this month, riley?

Fourth, ma'am.

I suppose i should give you points

For being such a good shot.

You were supposed to be working the bowman homicide.

What the hell were you doing

Chasing a druggie smash and grabber in midtown?

We were working a developmental.

Into what, an early grave?

We got c.I.'s all over town.

Those c.I.'s help you close any cases yet?

The compstat numbers are an embarrassment.

Homicides are up 20% in the last two months.

I'm ready to fire me.

What's going on, gentlemen?

It's a heat wave, captain. Tempers flare.

The city's taking a turn for the worse.

We need to do a better job

Of getting out in front of this thing.

I need to know, are you guys working with me or against me?

We just want to do our job, captain.

So get your asses out there

And show me what you can really do.

Yes, ma'am.

Hey, you in the fancy suit.

You're part of a team now.

No more narco cowboy nonsense,

And try not to shoot anyone for a few days.

You hear me?

Loud and clear.

You heard what she said. We got work to do.

Relax, lionel.

Listen, mr. Fabulous.

I got a mortgage, alimony,

And a kid going to college in a few years.

You see this place?

This is my livelihood.

And it's filled with too much bureaucracy

And not enough direct action.

This is my real life, detective.

Not some superhero cover identity.

Okay.

I hear you.

Yeah.

No, i'll work on it.

I've spent the past two decades

Learning how not to color inside the lines.

May take me a second or two to figure it out.

Riley.

Detective riley, we have a new number.

Now's not the best time, professor.

I'm at work.

Circumventing suspicious employers

Is part of our new challenge, john.

Please hurry.

go get it, bear.

Go get it. Go get it.

Go get 'em, bear.

Go get 'em.

ms. Shaw, please.

He doesn't need any more encouragement.

Don't you want him to catch it?

Not if it involves finding rat entrails in our new office, no.

Bear, hier.

While the machine may have given us a place of operation,

It didn't account for our financial situation.

I'm afraid your meals and rent are going to have to start

Coming out of your actual paychecks.

Well, it's a good thing i'm working two jobs.

The makeup counter pays like crap.

And do you know how expensive a nice pair of heels are?

What a racket.

Until i access some auxiliary funds,

We have no choice

But commit to our identities' socioeconomic status.

Copy that.

Ramen and two buck chuck for the rest of the month.

We'll need to make this fast.

I'm on the new captain's hit list and my partner's.

What, did you shoot somebody else?

You have to be more careful, john.

The identities that the machine created for us

Are precious commodities not to be taken for granted.

It was hot out.

Never mind.

Let's hear about that new number.

Andre cooper.

Born and raised in the bronx.

Former longshoreman turned professional social liaison.

A social what?

A professional wingman.

He's the guy people hire

When they can't pick up women on their own.

Why leave a union gig

To teach desperate men pick-up tricks?

I suggest we get close to cooper's operation and find out.

You mean go undercover as a client?

Not it, finch.

Oh, don't worry, reese.

Harold and i decided

That we needed somebody

With a few more people skills

And a little less hair gel.

I have a phone. Not that one.

Use this.

Where the hell is this guy?

Relax, fusco.

He's probably just some con artist who's in over his head.

Have some fun with it.

You're not the one pretending to need professional help

To get a date.

And when was the last time you had a date, lionel?

Looks like professional help just arrived.

How you doing? Fusco.

Your friend harold didn't warn me

What i was dealing with here.

Could have been a little more up-front.

Excuse me?

He bought you a two-day package.

This is more like a-- like a five-day situation.

Maybe seven.

You're in insurance?

Yeah, that's right.

Is it like an online business?

Hey, look, i don't need to take this crap.

Come on, come on, come on, sit down.

Think about meeting women

Like you're selling yourself.

All right?

They need to feel like you've made an effort,

That you didn't just roll out of bed

And throw on yesterday's suit with a new shirt.

Holy crap. That is yesterday's suit.

I am here to teach you

How to earn a woman's affections,

Not trick her into it,

And you, my friend, you need to do better.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

'cause if this is you dressing to impress,

Well, i am not,

And the ladies aren't gonna be either.

He's got a point.

What's wrong with what i'm wearing?

I don't even know where to start.

The faded color. The fireproof fabric.

That sad tie.

If you're going for the least modern man in this room,

Congratulations, you have won.

I've also won a few boxing matches, too.

You want to go a few rounds?

Come on.

Let's get to work.

Where are we going?

Shopping.

I hope you have a decent line of credit.