Prank

Seeing that this is the first scene,

can they understand what they're about to see?

Focused?

This is not a confession.

This isn't... he said she's dead.

This is the truth.

We're not murderers.

We're not monsters.

Your turn, Chunk.

What?

Okay, Jordan.

When I said I wanted to make a movie,

this is not what I meant.

Uh, you said video and correct me if I'm wrong

but who doesn't like...

funny faces, right, Chunk?

Huh?

How are funny face videos going to get us...

Continue.

Girls.

This is our last year of high school

and I don't want to be remembered

as some girlfriendless loser.

Chunk's a girl and she likes funny face videos.

Right, Chunk?

See?

I mean real girls.

No offense, Chunk.

Well, if female companionship is the ultimate goal,

then there's only one video we shall make,

a frame by frame remake of 1979's.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

I, obviously, will be Captain Kirk.

Jordan "Spock", Chunk "Scotty."

And I have all the costumes, so I mean...

Okay, my dad didn't buy me

that camera so that you could get a hard on playing Spock.

You're Spock, I'm Kirk.

But, pray tell,

what kind of video would you like to make, Jordan?

I'm getting a girlfriend this year.

Period.

Happy birthday.

Dang.

Dang, what?

Something came up.

Dang!

Connor?

What did you do here?

I'm trying to fix it.

Fix what?

It's brand new, Chunk.

Brand new junk, maybe.

You're vociferating like a... Romulan.

I'm not voc... okay,

I don't even know what that means.

I think angering him.

Okay, yeah.

I was voc... because I told you not to bring...

Fascinating.

My expertise says,

"Captain, there's something wrong with this bloody thing."

Yeah, like no color, man.

Fuck. Fuck!

Your camera will be repaired, okay?

Finish your video.

Hey, we're here for you.

Copacetic?

Tell me a time I've ever let you down before.

All right, can you hurry?

Eve's birthday is tomorrow, so...

Eve Goodwin?

We're doing all this for Eve Goodwin?

Here's the receipt.

Don't lose it.

You're paying for that,

even if it means selling every ounce of blood in that

extra grande body of yours.

It's not broke no more, man.

See? Dang.

The only thing that's broken is my nose, my glasses,

and my dream of breaking John Meringer's record

of 12 Star Trek Adventures in a row.

Wait, but I thought the doctor said

that your nose would be good in, like, 2 months.

True, but my mother's making me pay for new glasses

from my own bank account which means no money,

no convention, no collectibles, no justice.

Quit it.

Just making sure we're good, man.

Dax hit this pretty hard before Connor caught it with his face.

What?

Dax Gaiman did this?

What was he doing at an electronic store?

Cutting in front of us in line.

Snatching your camera away,

appeasing his demented sense of humor.

So Connor says something.

Dax says something.

So Connor shuts up.

I was weighing my options.

Then Dax yells "catch" like Connor's face

is a baseball mitt or something.

Ugh!

The good news is, camera works great now, man.

What a dick. I'll pay for your glasses.

I appreciate that.

The only person that should pay needs to pay.

How, man?

He'll just steal our wallets again like he always does.

I'm referring to emotional compensation.

It's time we right some wrongs, gentlemen.

How, man? He'll just beat us up again.

Chunk.

It's true.

He's a Jesus freak.

They're sadists.

They like it when everyone suffers.

Then we need to demonstrate how our brains

are mightier than his brawn.

Is this somehow humorous to you?

What is this?

The Wild-Wild West?

I mean, do we look like vigilantes to you?

We couldn't even scare ourselves.

Okay, maybe Chunk could.

Let it go, all right?

He's one bad apple.

An eye for an eye only makes everyone blind.

The correct adage is one bad apple spoils the barrel

and you know as well as I that

this barrel's been rotting for years.

It's ripe for some change.

Okay, there are kids starving in Africa,

dying of malaria, genocide,

I mean, God knows what...

what am I doing debating Mr. Drugged out

Frank Castle over here?

Besides, we have Eve's video to finish.

Myopia also occurs in people

who think they've fallen in love.

Huh?

That's Mother.

Tomorrow at the park, 2:00 p.m.

We'll clarify the mission further.

What mission?

Kill Dax Gaiman.

Coming, Mother.

Metaphorically, of course.

Wait, wait, wait. What about Eve's video?

As your best friend, I suggest you move on.

How can I without your help?

Live long and prosper...

Connor, seriously, you promised.

I can't run the rube and film it by myself.

This is lame!

Really fucking lame.

Yeah, so we saw Dax, he was...

Turn it off.

Okay, but we saw... Turn it off!

As you might have deduced,

I was in a bit of a carefree state

when I authored this last night

but hopefully, you got the gist of my email which is,

this mission, I hope to accomplish the following.

And immediately after,

so that everyone, and I mean everyone sees

that we boldly went where no man or woman has gone before,

besting Dax Gaiman.

And with the anticipated amount of views, we'll...

So in a nutshell,

our next Star Trek convention will be completely subsidized.

Thanks, Dax.

What's that look for?

What look?

It's how I look, deal.

He's angry because we didn't help him

finish his video. I offered to help, but...

Okay, you is what made it unfinished,

and that's only part of the reason.

Pray tell the other.

You've lost your fucking mind.

I mean, what happened to all that Star Trek

crap you're always blabbering about?

Logic and non violence to solve life's problems.

Sound familiar?

This is logical and non violent.

But if you're inferring some sort of hypocrisy,

need I remind you, 3rd grade, Miss Miller, Dax and I,

20 minute pow-wow.

5th grade, Principal Skyler, a one hour discussion.

8th grade, Dax's parents, my mother,

a two hour intervention all of which leads us to here.

Now Dax and us and everyone

that pumps a little Klingon blood,

a little warrior spirit.

In special circumstances like this,

one needs to channel it as long as one controls it.

Yeah, well, you have more than just a little.

Um, guys?