Ally McBeal

Previously on Ally McBeal.

Have you ever met anybody that you think would be, you know, right for me?

- No. - Nobody?

- Have we met before? - I don't think so.

You-You were looking at me like, um-

It's him. I just have this feeling.

I swear there was something, and the way he looked at me-

Has anyone ever told you how incredibly beautiful you are when you get cross?

- You're handling me. - Is it working?

What are you thinking?

I have a boyfriend.

Oh, this is one of my favorite songs ever.

I wonder why Renee didn't tell me she was gonna sing it?

Maybe it's a surprise to celebrate a special occasion.

- What special occasion? - Well, I have a friend, um-

He's in love with a woman. They've been together six months...

but he desperately wants to spend the rest of his life with her.

- Does she love him? - Mm-hmm.

- So why doesn't he just ask her? - Well, that's what he's planning. Hence, the special occasion.

He's taking her out as we speak. He's arranged it...

so her best friend can sing her favorite song in the background.

He planned to order an expensive bottle of wine, be holding her hand...

and while she was preoccupied...

slip a sapphire ring on her finger.

- Think it'll work? - Well, it certainly sounds romantic, but-

Ally McBeal?

Yes?

Will you... move in... with me?

- You seem stunned. - Well, that's because, um, I am.

This is unbelievable. Wow.

- So, what's your answer? - Sorry?

You haven't answered my question. Will you move in with me?

Brian, honey...

sweetie...

I have to think about it.

It's not that I don't want to move in.

I've been ready to. I want to, but-

It would mean you'd have to stop sleepin' with me.

Maybe.

I can't tell you what to do.

For these kinds of decisions, there's only one person who can know the answer.

And we both know who that is.

A therapist.

First up. Ringer et al versus Keebler.

- John, all set? - I am.

How exactly did you get an annulment proceeding in front of a jury?

I convinced the judge it was indeed a question of fact...

and that the litigants deserved a day in court in front of their peers.

Are you nervous?

I am not nervous, thank you. That whistle was deliberate.

- I intend to throw it on occasion during trial. - You plan to throw your whistle?

I am up against Dick Raditz. Add to that, I have an extremely tenuous cause of action.

What, you're gonna make it seem like it's coming out of someone else's nose?

Never mind.

I gotta see this. I-

Move on, Richard.

I have an announcement to make.

And it might come as a bit of a shock.

Brian has asked me to move in with him.

- Really? - Wow.

- Great. - He's so boring.

- He is not boring. - Well, are you going to?

I haven't decided. But if I seem...

a little distracted over the next day or so, just-

I know I will be.

$700,000?

Yes. I think we should consider it.

You know, under the law, he's entitled to a lot more... Only if we were married.

Well, you-you were married for six years.

- It was a sham! - Well, which we will argue. But if we don't win here-

- You have to win, John. - Yeah. What I'm saying-

- No, let me finish. - Let-Let me finish. I started first.

- No, you didn't. - I most certainly did.

- You didn't! - I did, damn it! I said, "Under the law."

You then cut me off with, "Only if we were married."

I interjected with, "You were married."

You then cut me off again with, "It was a sham."

When I tried to wedge in a word about winning, you shot out, "I have to."

And when I tried to respond to that, you bellowed out, "Let me finish!"

And that brings us current.

You don't have to get snippy.

- Maureen, $700,000 is a lot of- - I won't let this-

Can I just talk, damn it? Maybe the man walked out on you just to complete...

one lousy sentence.

I apologize.

I walked out on him, if you remember.

You and I are very old friends.

- Getting an annulment here will be very difficult- - You made it to a-

And?

You made it to a jury. I'm sorry. Please finish.

In order to win, you will have to endure...

some very unpleasant things being said about you.

I will be forced to argue some unpleasant things.

The opposing attorney is a very mean man.

He and I-

As somebody who cares about you, and I do...

I am suggesting you think about settling.

That man stole my dignity, John.

I need to walk out of that courtroom-

I've resigned myself...

to being called fat, ugly...

even lonely.

I will not resign myself to being a fool.

Help you?

I'm looking for Tracy.

Ah. She doesn't work here anymore. She moved to Foxborough.

Foxborough?

She didn't tell me she was moving.

You wouldn't be Ally McBeal, would you?

Yes. I would, actually. How did you know that?

She took all her files, except one.

Ally McBeal. It's a catchy theme song. By the way, I'm Larry Paul.

- She took every file, but she left mine? - Yeah, with a note.

Um-"If it's an emergency, tough."

This is an emergency. Now, please give me her number.

She didn't leave it. I promise. What's the problem?

Well, there's, um-Well, it's-There's-There's a guy-

- Mmm. - That I've been seeing.

And he asked me to... move in with him.

Bastard. My advice is don't do it.

- Why? - The guy obviously doesn't want to marry you.

- How do you know that? - Did he ask you to marry him?

What makes you think I want to marry him?

You don't seem like the mistress type. If you're gonna move in with a guy you have...

- no intentions of marrying- - I never said I had no intentions.

- Are you a mistress? - No, I am not a mistress.

- Then why live with a guy who's afraid to marry you? - How do you know he's afraid?

- Because he didn't ask. - Look, I am here for my own indecision, not his.

- How's the sex? - Excuse me?

With your friend? The sex?

Well, I don't care to talk about that.

Ooh, it's that good, huh?

- Look- - Ally.

None of my business, but-

Every relationship will eventually come down to sex. Why?

Because men and women are different animals with different interests.

Don't believe all that communication crap. No matter how much in love...

men and women eventually run out of things to say to each other.

And when that happens, all you'll be left with is sex. If it stinks, you're done.

I don't need to tell you that. That's why you're here. The sex is lousy.

Well, it-it could be better.

- A lot better. - O-O-Okay.

- A lot better. - You need to tell him.

- How do you tell a guy that he's terrible in bed? - Oh, he's terrible now.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no-

No. He's-It's just he's-he's-He's not great.

All right. Listen to me. This is important.

It will be devastating for him to hear it. The key is to leave him...

with something positive to hold on to by the end of the discussion.

- And how do I do that? - I would start by telling him he's terrible in bed.

- Then upgrade him to "not great." - I don't think that'll work.

- Do you love this man? - Yes.

Then you owe it to him to be honest.

You gotta let him know how inadequate he is.

If you do get married, you'd be tellin' him that for the rest of his life anyway.

Am I wrong?

- - Tryin' to help.

However much I know otherwise, part of me has always felt...

that life has no real meaning until you get to share it with somebody.

Maybe that's what I'm afraid of-

my life suddenly taking on meaning.

Or suddenly becoming void of it.

Ally?

Hi. Hmm.

What are you doing?

Just daydreaming. Picturing my life with Brian.

It looked really exciting.

We're not supposed to chase excitement, Elaine.

The goal is contentment.

Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.

Ally, it's not like me to ever give you advice-

Which works out well, doesn't it, because it's not like me to ever ask you for it.

Here's the thing. There's very, very few decent guys out there.

And in this day of sexually transmitted diseases...