The Lone Ranger

Step right up.

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen,

and come with us to yesteryear.

Witness the Wild West as it really was.

The greatest show on Earth.

Fun and educational for you, young sir.

Step right up to another time

of mighty beasts and hard-hearted outlaws.

-(CRIER CONTINUES TALKING) -(VENDORS CONTINUE CALLING)

Kemosabe?

Who? Me?

You bring horses?

I think you made a mistake, mister.

Mistake?

Make trade.

Trade.

Who did you think I was, anyway?

Never take off mask.

Why not?

You sure about this?

Mmm.

Dead man strike fear into heart of his enemy.

All right.

Let's do this.

Easy!

Ladies and gentlemen,

my colleague and I will be making a withdrawal.

I understand this bank is insured, so...

...nobody move.

What's with the mask?

See? I told you. I feel ridiculous.

I guess I didn't make myself clear!

This is a damn bank robbery!

Wait a minute.

You're saying you're Tonto?

The Tonto?

There is another?

But the Lone Ranger and Tonto were good guys.

I mean, they didn't rob banks.

Did they?

Come a time, kemosabe...

...when good man must wear mask.

Run that next rail!

More rocks! They need more rocks right there!

Rail down!

Shake a leg, chums!

My friends and citiZens of Colby,

I've asked you here today so you can see at firsthand

what I believe to be the single most

important enterprise under God.

The unification of this great country of ours

by iron rail.

-(APPLAUSE) Hear, hear!

To the Comanche,

I say you have nothing to fear.

As long as there is peace between us

all land treaties shall be honoured.

But to the outlaw, those who prey upon the weak,

make no mistake, law and order

has come to the Wild West.

Which is why I am bringing

notorious outlaw and Indian-killer,

Butch Cavendish here to Colby to hang for his crimes.

The future is bright, ladies and gentlemen,

and it's just around the bend.

Ride 'em out! Come on!

Whoa, girl!

Run a man all the way to state line,

put him on a train and ship him right back.

Don't make no sense.

Guess they run out of hanging rope in Oklahoma.

Mr Cole wants to make an example.

Word is, Cavendish is looking for payback with you, Dan.

Reckon so.

They say Butch Cavendish ate a Red-Legger's heart

in the Missouri wars.

Swallowed it whole.

I heard it was the eyes.

Man told me he ate part of his own foot

just to win a bet.

Hell, he did.

Which is it, Dan?

Don't see how it makes a difference.

What's the matter with him?

It's not Cavendish he's worried about.

Like Daniel entering the lion's den,

we shall stare down the beast.

Amen!

And purge this Godless land

of the poisons of sin and licentiousness.

Hallelujah!

Dear God, grant us thy mercy and wise judgement.

-Amen! Amen.

Thy equanimity and singleness of purpose,

so we might prove thy stalwart and worthy servants

in our war against sin. Amen!

Amen.

Catch.

Baby, baby, baby.

-Care to pray with us? -(GIRL CONTINUES CRYING)

We're Presbyterian.

I'm much obliged, ma'am, but this, here, is my bible.

(SINGING) Shall we gather at the river

Where bright angel feet have trod

With its crystal tide forever...

It's almost hanging time, Butch.

Do you hear what I said, boy?

I'm gonna enjoy watching them wipe that look off your face.

It's broke, Injun. Can't you see that?

Very pretty.

For you.

Oh. No, I couldn't.

For you!

She's right.

It matches your eyes.

I didn't think you'd make it out, Mrs Reid.

Well, I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

And, um, what do you think of our endeavour?

Looks to me like just a lot of men digging in the desert.

Danny, one day soon,

you'll be able to get on a train right here in Colby,

travel all the way to San Francisco

eating New York oysters packed in ice.

Then you can sail to China.

Come back around the other way if you want.

That true, Mama?

Well, I'll believe it when I see it.

Here, let me show you.

You see that?

Now you try.

Oh, I expect on a lawman's salary, quite a lot falls on you.

We do just fine.

Thank you.

Oh, I mean no disrespect.

They don't make men like your husband any more.

In fact, I envy him.

A fine family.

A son to carry on his name.

I just hate to see a bird in a cage.

Well...

That is right about on time.

Shh!

Piss break, boss.

Grace our spirits will deliver

And provide a robe and crown...

Afternoon, ladies.

There's no need for violence, my son.

-(SCREAMS) -(ALL CLAMOURING)

Fifteen hours, I watched you feed that bird.

Gets on a man's nerves.

I do not fear what comes next.

Nothing comes next.

Nice suit.

Time has finally come, Windigo.

Do I know you, Injun?

You know me.

You know me by the screams

of my ancestors in the desert wind.

As you will know their cries ofjoy

when I remove your evil seed from the face of Earth.

That won't be necessary.

As District Attorney,

I'll see to it that this man is prosecuted

to the full extent of the law.

What kind of a lawman don't carry his own gun?

Believe me, where this train's headed,