Cobra Kai

All right, ladies and gentlemen,

this is the moment we've been waiting for.

The presenta---

Daniel LaRusso's gonna fight?

Daniel LaRusso's gonna fight!

Isn't this what it's all about, folks?

Turn. Kneel.

Ey, Johnny, you're a cream puff!

Sweep the leg.

You have a problem with that?

No, sensei .

No mercy.

Two points, LaRusso. Lawrence, nothing.

Ready?

One point, Lawrence.

Point, Lawrence. Two, two.

Get him a body bag!

Warning for illegal contact to the knee.

Whoever wins the next point will be our new champion.

Finish him!

The new champion:

Daniel LaRusso!

Hey, I'm Miguel.

My family and I just moved into 109.

Great. More immigrants.

Actually, we're from Riverside.

Anyways, were you having trouble with your water pressure?

Our sink's being weird now and...

Oh, bottles go in the blue bin.

Listen, Menudo...

I've lived in this shithole for over ten years.

Pipes don't work. Fountain's full of piss.

Only good thing here is not having to talk to anybody.

So nice knowin' ya.

Okay, well...

Have a nice day.

I guess.

You got to be kidding me.

Not another one.

Hey.

Creep.

Ugh. Sick.

- Hey! - Got you!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell is this?

Don't worry, it'll be level. I'm just lining it up.

You put it on the wrong wall.

I said the wall across from the door.

This is the wall across from the door.

Not that door, idiot. The door.

Just move the TV. I have company coming over.

Wait, hold on.

I'm gonna have to fill the holes, re-measure, match the paint.

- The hardware store is an hour away. - Not my problem.

I'm not the dummy who put the TV on, literally,

the only wall in the house a TV would not go.

Why can't a TV go on this...

Look, I'll come by first thing in the morning.

Put everything the way you want.

- I just can't do it now. - Well, that's just great.

Not bad enough you took a shit in my powder room.

- You said I could to go there. - I didn't know you'd do that.

Okay, okay. We'll figure this out. All right?

Just quit bitchin' at me.

What did you just call me?

No, no. I didn't call her a bitch.

I said she was bitchin' at me.

There's a difference.

You're firin' me because of that bitch?

You know what? I hated this damn job anyway.

You better pay me what you owe me, Mike.

Mike?

Banzai.

I'm Daniel LaRusso.

And at LaRusso Auto, we kick the competi--

That one.

Aren't you gonna wear gloves?

Can you put that on a plate?

My grandma's not feeling well.

Didn't ask.

C'mon, what's Spanish for "just give me my damn slice"?

What did you just say?

- What did he say? - You don't wanna know.

It's something bad. Just tell me.

Uh, he said you have a tiny...

He said I have a tiny wang?

Tell him he has a tiny wang.

I speak English, asshole.

Oh, really?

Yo, Brucks, let's get the light beer.

Gotta cut weight for the meet.

- Hundo P, son. - Damn right.

Man, you should get condoms too.

Finish up and then beat it.

- Excuse me? - This is my mart.

You ain't hustlin' no coin at my mart.

I'm not hustlin'.

I'm not homeless.

That's my car.

What the hell are you doin'?

Why you gotta blow up my spot?

He thought we were college, dumb-ass.

I didn't know you wanted to buy beer. Sorry.

- Yes, let's go. - What the hell are you doin'?

- Ooh, what do we got here? - Yeah, what do you got?

Pepto?

Oh, man. Someone has frickin' diarrhea.

Hey, we should call him 'Rhea.

Give it back, dude. It's for my grandma.

Oh, it's for your grandma.

Ah, I'm sorry, man.

You want it? You can take all that. Take that.

Bitch.

Asshole.

What'd you say, 'Rhea?

I didn't say anything.

Oh, that's brute, Ky.

Oh, what? You crying?

Where are you going, 'Rhea?

Hey!

Watch the car, man.

Who's this dude?

Just leave the dork alone.

You see this guy?

Eatin' his dinner at the mini mart like a bum.

Wait, I think I know this guy.

He's the jerk-off that cleaned my dad's septic tank.

That explains why he smells like shit.

Trust me, you guys are pissin' off the wrong guy on the wrong day.

- Really? - Really.

Get the hell out of here, loser.

Let's get him.

Holy shit, how did you...

What's the matter?

Having trouble breathing?

Is that all you got, ladies?

- Come on, Ky. Let's go. - Ge off me!

What's the matter?

Having trouble breathing?

Hey, get off the kid!

Hey, hey! It's not his fault!

Hey, I just wanted to say thank you.

Well, you said it.

Last night, was that Tae Kwon Do or jujitsu or MMA or something?

It's karate.

Old-school karate.

Do you think you could teach me?

What? No.

When school starts, those guys will make my life miserable.

It's not my problem.

Look...

If I just knew a little bit of what you knew, I'd be...

Forget it.

I don't do karate anymore.

All right? Besides, I need to find a job.

Well...

- You could open your karate school. - It's called a dojo .

- You could open your dojo . - I'm gettin' into this with you.

I'm not sure I'm allowed to be around kids now.

You want my advice?

Stop being so annoying.

Maybe you'll stop getting your ass kicked.

Okay.

You got Encore?

Who the hell are you?

You know those little red stickers

that say "further reduced"?

That means spoiled. You know that, right?

You're eatin' bad meat, boy.

What the hell are you doing here, Sid?

Oh, that's some thank-you.

Who do you think bailed you out? Again.

I never asked you for anything.

I'd think that little incident at Applebee's

would've taught you to keep your hands to yourself.

You know...

When I met your mom,

she really knocked my socks off.

Beautiful.

Blonde.

Tan.

Tight.

Little did I know I'd be taking care of her schmuck kid forever.

Yeah, Sid, you were the stepfather of the century.

Well, high praise

coming from a world-class daddy like you.

How old is Robby now? 15? 16?

When did you see him last?

Just get the hell outta here, man.

I'll get the hell outta here when I'm goddamn ready.

- Sid. - What?

Blood pressure.

Keep watching your bullshit judge show.

Will you, Rhonda?

And stay outta this.

Jesus. God.

This is why I'm here.

What's this?

You know, I told your mama I'd take care of you always.

But, in this case, I think even she'd cut me some slack.

I'm buying you out of my life.