Broad City

Dude, I have always wanted to do this...

"Heart and Soul" in Washington Square Park.

Speaking of hearts and souls,

you know the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory over there?

Okay. 1911, 146 immigrants...

mostly women, of course...

were working in a factory inside.

A fire began.

They were trapped. They were locked in!

If they weren't incinerated alive,

they jumped out the windows, plummeting to their deaths.

Sucks.

Okay, cool. What's next on the list?

Whoo! Yeah.

Where to next? Let's go!

Cool.

What an exquisite park.

It really is.

Made only more exquisite if the Central Park 5

hadn't been wrongfully accused of rape and thrown in jail

for their entire young adult lives,

for no other reason than being black and brown boys.

Ugh, the '80s, when wrongful conviction was still a novelty.

L.O. fully L!

Come on.

Okay. Yikes.

Well, well, well.

14 West 10th Street.

Oh, my God, dude. Mark Twain lived here!

I've read, um, like, a bunch of his stuff.

It's an historic landmark.

It's also known as the "House of Horrors"

'cause in 1987, this lawyer Joel Steinberg

and his girlfriend, Hedda Nussbaum,

adopted a girl and beat her into a coma

and blamed it on freebasing too much coke. Yeah, right.

And get this... They both roam free today!

Steinberg lives in Harlem, with a garden!

A garden! The fucking nerve!

Right?

C'mon, we got a ferry to catch.

Man, I'm really gonna miss that skyline.

Takes my breath away, you know?

It's nuts that the whole damn thing

is really just one giant burial ground.

It's like beauty-beauty-beauty, bodies-bodies-bodies!

Yeah.

Swindled from the Native Americans for just $24.

Same price as this breakfast.

Oof!

- Only in New York! - Only in New York!

- Hey! - Hey!

Yeah, so, this is nuts, right?

I mean, it's finally starting to sink in.

One week left, dude.

Yeah. One week left.

Wow.

God, Ilana, your nose is bleeding, dude!

Oh, my God. I didn't even feel it.

- Are you okay? - Whoo!

Oh, yeah. No, I'm fine. I'm good.

- You sure? - Yeah, yeah.

Okay, let's sell. Your. Shit!

It's not like a dorm-dorm, it's a like a building

for grad students and... Artists in Residence.

- Take a break? - Yeah.

- Legs. - Legs, legs, legs!

Legs, aah.

Okay. Since we only have one week left,

I have planned a surprise!

Okay, please tell me it's not tickets to the musical

- about Jimmy Fallon's childhood! - "Born to Giggle?"

No, Ilana.

We are going to see...

Lil Wayne.

Yasssss!

Oh, my God!

What a sweet, goddess-like gesture.

Thank you, girl!

You been taking supplements?

No, why do you ask?

So, Ilana, one more thing.

This is big and kinda scary but so fun.

Okay, so, I'm bring a friend with us tonight.

And her name is... Molly.

- Okay, break? - Okay.

- Legs, legs. - Legs, legs, legs.

I just have been under the impression

that we were gonna wait until we were in separate states

to make new friends.

No, dude... Molly, like MDMA.

Who are you, Molly dang Cyrus?

- I've never done Molly! - No, I know,

and I've only done it the one time where I stole the van.

One week before you move 1,972 miles away,

I finally get to meet Perfect Abbi.

You must've looked that up, huh?

- Legs. Legs. - Oh, legs.

Legs.

- Got it? Right over there. - Yeah.

Wait, cool.

- Legs. Legs. - Legs.

- Legs! - Legs!

Damn, we carried that, yes!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's not trash! You can't take it!

I will not be bullied!

It's Trash Day.

Can you believe he thought this was trash?

What?

Okay, the tickets for tonight were a little bit expensey,

- so we gotta sell. Yeah. - Yes.

Well, this couch is gonna be an easy sell. Look at her.

But, dahm, Danielle, we have some freaking memories on this thing.

Yeah.

First time we split those two whole pizzas.

Oh, my God. And the hurricane!

That time I made out with Bevers... ly.

- What? - Beversly.

Do you know Beversly? Ohh, she's, like, weird

and, like, quirky, - and, um, queer and fluid,

and, um, you know, just like, mixed race,

and, um, I saw her on the street,

and I brought her back up and made out with her on the couch.

- Beversly. Hmm. - Well...

Um, I know that we just, um, carried the couch

- down three flights of stairs. - Yeah?

But, um, I kinda wanna keep it

now that we're looking at it and talking about it.

Ilana, you should keep it, dude.

- That would make me feel better. - It would help.

Okay. So, we'll just leave it here for now,

and we'll figure out how to get it back to your place before the concert.

That'll be a problem for "later us."

Yeah, "they'll" figure it out.

Sir, this is pre-fall 2010 CB2

Resort collection?

Have a nice day.

Damn, you are seriously good at this!

We were just, uh,

carrying the couch down three flights of stairs.

And I was thinking, imagine if these cushions could talk.

They would talk about, uh, lost coins

or, um, hot farts,

or people who've unexpectedly made out

after one of them - opened up his relationship.

I thought we weren't supposed to talk about that.

- Shut up! Shut up! - Shut up! Shut up about that!

Nobody know dat!

Hey, hey, hey. What are you guys giggling about?

- Nothing. - Nothing!

- No. - What?

No! The couch!

No-o-o-o!

Shit! What do I do?

I know a cut-through! Come on.

Yes.

Come on.

Got it. We got it.

Gotta go. Yeah?

What the fuck are we doing?

I have no idea, dude!

Okay, dude. What about this, um,

scooper, compressor, crusher thing?

- The couch is gonna be killed! - No, no.

The compactor only works when the truck is static.

The dudes'll have to come out to grab cans,

and we'll contact with them then!

Are you, like, - "in your element" up here?

There was a moment in time where trash was very comforting to me.

Well, I'm glad you're comfortable.

We'll just wait here until it stops,

and then we are on our way to see Lil Wayne!

Whoo!

Okay, it should stop soon, right?

That's what garbage trucks do,

They stop every half a block and hold up traffic,

and then you're stuck in a cab on 10th street,

you end up peeing in a Slurpee cup and paying double the fare.

Some... Sometimes. Some people do.

Actually, the stops are totally dependent on districts.

It's all zoned out by zip codes.

It's like... It's pretty organized.

- It's pretty awesome. - Are you a Garbage Pail Kid?

- Tell me. - Or... Or I'm not sure.

I'm not sure.

Wait, hold on.

What?

That is insane. What do you mean,

Corn Flakes were meant to curb masturbation?

I mean exactly what I said, Ms. Abrams.

Dr. Kellogg's - of the Kellogg's Cereal Empire

was a bizarre white man who was aggressively anti-sex

and feared that bold flavors would make people horny.

So he invented Corn Flakes to stop people from getting it on.

I always wanted Frosted Mini-Wheats, so I steered clear.

Ding ding, dawg... That's fucking Kellogg's!

Oh, my God. The truck stopped!

I literally forgot we were on it.

Go, go, go.