Midsomer Murders

I had a friend tell me about a friend of his,

someone he knew really well.

No word of a lie, this.

He saw The Wolf Hunter last week. In the flesh.

Well... flesh and fur.

Half man, half wolf.

All trouble.

You see, he lures us humanfolk

into them woods out there,

and he slashes at your face with his metal talons.

Then he finishes you off with a silver bullet to the skull.

What a load of utter cobblers.

Thank you for that, Mr Everett.

If I could just say sorry again about the hot tubs.

I know the two of you were really hoping to use them this afternoon,

but I am hoping to get them up and running.

Maybe I could offer you a glass of prosecco...

Still no luck? I just don't get it, Row.

It's not an airlock, filter's fine, temperature sensor is working.

I just can't figure the problem.

I'll tell you what's wrong with that!

It's a bleeding hot tub, that's what's wrong with it.

As advertised, Mr Everett, this is a glampsite now.

Been coming here decades. Never seen the like.

What's that smell?

Sage. It gets rid of bad energy.

Ronnie, she's doing witchcraft now. Is she, love?

Marvellous. Your cod in butter sauce is ready.

Praise the Lord.

At least there are some things you can still rely on.

Thankfully, they're OK about the hot tubs.

They're coming around to the idea of being off the grid.

Good, that's something, then. Mm. Turns out he's a banker.

Told them we were looking for investors, so you never know.

Still here, Jez? Looks like it.

Actually, I best be off. I'm meeting someone.

Am I OK to leave my tools here? Of course. See you tomorrow. Yeah?

Try stopping me.

Brandon. Jez.

Hello?

Is that you mucking about?

Morning, everyone.

Hi, Mel. Morning, Mel.

Please tell me you're late cos you finally got a life.

I think the chances of me getting a life around here are pretty slim.

That's why, first sign of an acting job, and boom, I'm off.

Idiot! How old are you?

Old enough, sweet cheeks. I'm heading to the woods, you coming?

Let me think about that. No.

You loser!

Oi, wait. Leave it, Kel.

OK, one sec, everyone.

Right.

So I've sent off my self tape for that audition,

and I've narrowed down my list of agents.

So fingers crossed, I'll be out from under your feet in no time.

Oh, I can't wait. You'll miss me when I'm gone.

Yeah, like a hole in the head. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, Paddy, get out. Go on.

You know I'm not the biggest fan of trick or treating,

but can't I just help with eating the sweets?

No, you can't. It's to raise money for the school.

It's not till next week, and I said we'd go.

As what, though? I thought I might go as a witch.

Don't.

Real question is, who are you gonna go as?

Well, as someone befitting a man of my status,

so, um, distinguished, stately, imposing.

Little Red Riding Hood! Ooh, you found it!

Yes, Winter.

The victim's Jez Gladberry, in his 20s.

A local handyman and blacksmith.

Next-of-kin's his father, he's been informed.

Who confirmed the body? Local lad, Wade Andow.

Said he was riding his dirt bike in the woods when he found him.

Whoa! Stop right there, my lovelies.

Boot prints, not the victim's.

Heavy boots, by the look of it.

And...

..canine prints.

Canine prints? If pressed, I'd say wolf.

Not a real one, obviously.

Unless, of course, it's a wolf with one leg.

The impression from the base of the cane, right?

Exactly. Claw marks across the chest, puncture wounds to the neck,

and a bullet to the head. Silver?

Smart money says so.

Time of death, last night between eight and ten.

I'm sorry, what are you both talking about?

Are you saying this man was killed by a wolf with a gun?

The Wolf Hunter, actually. It's all part of a meme.

A meme?

Sort of an idea spread through social media and the internet.

In this case, The Wolf Hunter.

Little Worthy ran a competition, the idea was to create

a Midsomer urban myth and The Wolf Hunter won it.

It's really taken off.

What exactly does this Wolf Hunter do?

He wears a wolf mask,

he carries a cane with a wolf's paw at its base,

and a gun with a silver bullet.

His hands have metal claws, and he lures people to their death.

It's a lot like what we're seeing here, sir.

Who ran this competition?

The Hub. It's in internet cafe in the village hall.

How did you hear about it? A friend entered.

Sadly, I didn't make the shortlist.

I'm surprised to hear that. Did the victim have a phone on him?

No, I'll contact service providers, do a trace.

Now, I notice there's a campsite just the other side of these words.

Actually, it's a glampsite, sir.

I'm aware of what they call it, Winter.

I'm quite happy with the vocabulary created before the year 2000.

Why don't you get over there and see if anyone saw him?

I want to pay a visit to this "Nub".

It's, er, Hub. Indeed.

I'll see if I can pick up an urban dictionary on the way.

Good, all right, boy?

I heard about Jez, Eric. I'm so sorry.

So am I, Annie.

You sure now's the time?

Yes. More than ever.

Oh, it's top-notch entertainment, is this.

Come and have a look, Robbie.

Better than your la-dee-da treatments.

Actually, love, I rather like the look of this one.

Steam sauna followed by a hot stone massage.

40 quid? You can buy a lawn mower for that.

Are you familiar with a Jez Gladberry?

Of course. Terrible news, isn't it?

You already know about his death?

Everyone does. His workshop's just down there.

Everyone's really upset.

He was just such a... all-round lovely bloke.

I'm sorry, but how exactly does everyone know?

It was posted on The Wolf Hunter forum first thing this morning.

Presumably by the person who discovered the body, Wade Andow?

Do you know where I might find him? Yeah, he's just inside.

No, listen to him, man. Listen to him.

Got all the chat, innit, Wade?

The Wolf Hunter strikes. I was cool about it.

I mean, it's just a body, right? The question is, who is next?

Actually, the question is, did you post news about the death online?

No. I left the woods and called you guys.

I've only just got here. Anyway, so, this is Josie.

She's our expert. She updates The Wolf Hunter website.

You know, trying to make sense of everything.

The Wolf Hunter has certainly captured everyone's imagination.

Tell me about it. Even kids like to dress up as him.

Well, not now.

Um, Kel, you want to take a break?

No, I'd rather just be busy. Thanks.

Your cafe is very popular.

That's because we give them what they want. Connectivity.

Which is something of a luxury around here.

Poor internet, it's a rubbish Wi-Fi connection.

I wanted to create a nest,

a sort of haven where I could bring everyone together.

I see from your sign there's an exhibition.

Yes, it's just through here, do you want to follow me?

Jez left just after eight, said he was going to meet someone.

Did he say who? No.

I thought it was odd, though.

He got a text and headed towards the woods,

but the village is over that way. So he had his phone with him?

He didn't when we found him.

Well, maybe he dropped it on the way.

After he left, what did you do? Had a little Barney, didn't we?

Trouble in paradise, eh?

Pat Everett. Pleasure's all yours.

And I said to Ronnie, "Ronnie," I said,

"We've been coming here 30 years plus, no trouble."

36.

This year, with all their newfangled gadgets, total mess.

It drives Rowan's mum, Annie, mad.

She runs the pub.

It'll all end in tears. Mark my words, my lad.

Let the officer speak, Pat.

Battenberg? Oh, no, thank you.

Right.

Um, what were Mr and Mrs Yarrow arguing about?

Jez, I reckon.

He'd come to fix the hot tub - again.

Ooh, good cup of tea, love. Could trot a mouse across that.

Did you see where they went after?

Aye. They both stomped off, didn't see hide nor hair of either of them

until late this morning. Could either of them

have gone to the wood? Well, I went for a walk

and I saw Rowan headed that way.

Oh, um, could you just excuse me? Thank you.

When The Wolf Hunter went viral, we felt obliged to stage this.

People come from miles.

Is the gun real? No, it's a dummy.

Is this place locked at night? Absolutely.

This cane.

In fact, all these items, I'll need Forensics to check them.

Are there others? Yeah, for sure.

Jez made them to order.

He got himself quite a sideline making all sorts of artefacts.

Quite a character.