Robot Chicken

It's alive!

Shh, shh.

I think it's a Velociraptor.

No. It's a Veloci-rapper!

Yeah, Jurassic Park all day! West side raptor!

- Mother... - World star!

Meteors. We out.

Tim, get up! You got to wake up!

Dr. Grant, the dinosaur didn't even touch him.

Ah, the Veloci-rapper simply shreds

all of its victims with dope lyrics.

Sorry for your loss, homes.

Harry, how can you be so relaxed?

Snape's potion test is tomorrow!

Oh, because I'm the chosen one.

Nobody said I'm the "chosen as long as

he gets good grades" one, eh?

And the chosen one's friends should be exempt

- from exams, too. - Will you be quiet?

I need to be well-rested for our big potions test tomorrow.

Why don't you just write the answers

on the back of those cucumbers?

Nobody's doing anything gay in here, are they?

Because that would be okay with me.

Oh, Dumbledore.

Can anyone play goalie?

You! New guy. You're up!

Yeah, new guy is the balls!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

- Boo! - Boo!

Aah!

Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it!

New guy! New guy! New...

Ah, can anyone play goalie?

Can you describe the attackers?

Well, they were these giant humanlike turtles

that were doing all kinds of karate, and...

I don't know. They...

Maybe they were teenagers or something.

- They had weapons. Ninja weapons. - Anything else?

They smelled like pizza, and they said "Dude" a lot.

Oh, dude, they had this rat with them!

I don't know if he was their pet or, like, their master

or whatever, but, like, they had something going on.

I don't know. I'm just speculating.

- Did you get a look at their faces? - No, Officer. I didn't see it.

They had these colorful little masks over their eyes,

so I'm like, "What do they look like, man?"

I don't even know.

Without the faces, we've got nothing!

Come on, Abe. Show us what's under that hat.

We want to see why it's so tall.

I wanted a tall hat. That's it, honestly.

No one needs a hat that tall.

What are you hiding under there, freak?!

I'm not hiding anything! Now, if you'll excuse me...

Not so fast, Abe! Rip!

- Aah! - Aah!

You must not let this happen again.

Yes, my lord.

A girl is ready to join the game of thrones.

- She must choose a face. - That one.

Perhaps a girl would like a face more like this?

No. I want that one!

Ugh. No. Not this one.

A girl wanted the one next to it!

Come on.

Man really needs to rethink the design of this place.

Every mascot has their own truth.

I just danced my heart out to "Whoomp!"!

What more do you want from me?!

Real mascots are racist caricatures and animals like Hunter,

not fuzzy blobs like you.

I was the best mascot in the world at one time.

Now I can't stand the face I see when I look in the mirror.

They don't care. No one cares.

I wasn't a perfect purebred mascot like the others.

Not me.

Did you just hit me in the knee with a crowbar?

Couldn't feel anything. Thick padding.

I, uh... No!

Ha! Huh!

- Ha! Huh! - Why?!

Why?!

- You always hated Hunter, didn't you? - I didn't do it.

But we all watched it on the JumboTron, didn't we?

That could've been anyone!

America, they want something to love.

You never loved me.

You tortured me into greatness.

That's how I love, stupid!

But they also want a gigantic orange nightmare creature.

Showtime! I'm Gritty.

Thank you so much for hiring me

as your assistant, Nostradamus.

What can I do for you?

Please, go to the market and fetch me some ink for my quill.

- Yes, sir... - God damn it! You're gonna buy brown ink!

I wanted black! I'm sorry I yelled.

I've just got a lot of prophecies to write, and I'm stressed.