Scrubs

So there we were. Elliott about to get married.

Me about to have a baby with Kim. careening toward to kiss.

We're both terrified because either one of us could back out the last second,

leaving the other kissing the air, and feeling like a fool.

Ah, the point of no-return. The closing of the eyes. Time to dive...

Elliott?

JD, what are we doing?

How the hell d'she do that?

Look, what almost happened in there is not about us.

Of course not. Please... Us?

We were both just on the verge of making giant commitments,

- and as usual we are freaking out. - You're right, and you know what?

We can't let fears screw our relationships.

- Who wants to end like Snoop Dogg intern? - Hey!

- Sorry, Snoop Dogg resident. - Hey!

- Snoop Dogg attending? - That's right, baby.

All right. The point is he hasnt' told Josephine

that she gives him wowsers in his trousers.

Hey, be cool, be cool man. I'm working on it.

I'm with you dog, just keep it real. What do we do now?

Nothing. Nothing happened, so we never have to speak of this again.

Hey!

- Keith? - Keith?

Keith?

Wait, I was alrady surprised out loud?

I was lonely at home, so I decided to come by and say hi.

Oooh!

And then I had one of those weird, crystallizing moments

when everything becomes so clear.

I mean, I should've been relieved that Keith haven't shown up earlier,

and walked in on JD and me. But I wasn't.

I wished he had caught us. 'Cause the truth is...

I don't wanna marry him.

- Shut up! - Uuuuuh!

Honestly I think...

I let it get this far because of how much I wanna be married, you know.

- God, I wanna be married. - Baby...

Hey, I'm sorry for barging in so late,

I hope I didn't interrupt anything important...

- Oh... - Actually, since I'm diabetic,

Carla only lets me eat one candy bar every 6 months,

so she was helping me choose which one to go with.

First, we cut out all candy that sounds remotely racist, which includes

all jerk chocolate, and I know this sounds weird but,

JoojooBees.

Then Carla was like "What about Junior Mints?", and I was like... "Junior Mints?"

Baby, if I want my candy to freshen my breath,

I'd just lap some toothpaste on'em... watch him to call and ball

and go to town on that bad boy, you know what I'm saying?

She knows I'm changing the subject 'cause she's sad.

Come here, come here, Elliot.

Hmmm, hmmm.

No.

Ok.

What did he ask you?

Oh, he just wanted to know if there's anything I needed.

Elliott?

He asked me if they still make Mars bars.

Come on Bob, there's an empty table right there.

I'll leave for 10 dollars.

Pleasure doing business.

Hey, friends.

What, are you bored up there?

- So, how did it go with Keith? - I haven't told him yet.

His whole family's in town for the wedding,

and so my house is filled as a freaking Rafters with the Dudemaisters.

You know how my college girlfriend, Stacy, broke up with me?

She arranged it so that when I came home from class,

I was able to see her riding in pleasure beneath a big, brown butt.

How many times do I have to apologize for that?

I still have nightmares about your cheeks, Turk,

just bouncing, and bouncing. Can't sleep.

Ok... now or never.

Keith!

Hey there, future Mrs. Dudemeister!

Actually I'm not sure we decided whether or not am I taking your last name.

You know what? That's not important... Keith,

we need to talk.

- What's the matter? - I don't even know how to start this...

Keith, I've been thinking...

- I don't feel right watching this. - It's not just us...

That's it. It's over.

Aww!

Aww!

- JD! - No, Snoop Dog attending,

finally told Josephine how he feels.

Aww!

Hey, everybody, look. A rainbow.

Aww!

Scrubs 7x1 My Own Worst Enemy

It had been a while since my near kiss with Elliot

and the dust was finally starting to settle.

- Daddy's home! - Come here,

check out these big pregnant hyppo feet.

Wow! Those are truly disgusting.

Right? I missed you.

Elliot had broken up with Keith and everything looked great from me and Kim,

still, to see how we got there, I have to go back a week.

One week earlier

So, how's Keith?

Carla. Pig whore.

Better actually. Used to be "Stupid Pig Whore".

It's only been a few days and he's already dropped an adjective.

Wow! Maybe by the weekend you'll just be "whore".

Hey, Kim. I know because I work we haven't seeing in a while,

but do you mind if I grab a drink with Turk, tonight?

Tell'er my dad died.

Go have fun with your friend. I'm gonna stand in and eat.

Thanks, babe. Bye.

See Turk? Now we can see that dad dying thing

and go to see the new panda baby at the zoo.

- Oh, It's to late for that. She died. - Not Ming Ming?

- Her mama sat on her and then ate her. - Stupid nature.

I can't believe I almost messed things up with Kim. What's wrong with me?

You're an annoying, whining man-child.

- That question wasn't directed to you! - What question?

Mr. Hotneck, I see here you were admitted for swollen lymphnode and abdonimal pain.

- I'm also having heart palpitations. - Oh, I think I can help you with that.

Well, you see, I'm very, very handsome.

I was gonna say.

Beardface, what you say?

It's Beardface'! Why did you people insist on calling me Beardface!

- Ehm. may I? - Go for it.

Well, I-I just got here, but if I had to guess

I would say it's 'cause your face is... 5/6 beard.

Damn you!

Carla, which resident ordered a CAT scan on Mr. Herschlossning?

That would be me, pig whore, it's on the note. Oh, can't pig whore read?

Ah, Pig Whore Reid!

See, your last name is Reid, so it works two ways.

Keith's been totally unprofessional,

And you were supposed to marry him, last weekend?

Speaking of which, I gave you a very hied cappuccino maker,

and seeing is there aren't going to be any nuptials...

- Yeah, yeah. You'll get it back. - Great.

Keith and I have to work toghether. How am I supposed to fix this?

You can't. You just gotta let him hate you you for a while.

No, we can get through this. I'm gonna talk to him.

Hey, wait a minute.

We've only got one cappuccino maker and it was from my brother Barry.

Worth the shot.

Sorry, you gonna answer me or not?

Come on, man. You know why you almost screwed things up with Kim,

- don't make me say it. - Hi fine. The hard truth rule is in effect.

Only hard truth on me, so when you lay one on me you won't feel guilty.

- JD, we don't even... - When you sweat a lot, you smell like eggs.

That's not even true!

- Did Carla tell you to say that? - No, why, did she think that too?

No.

All right, fine. You wanna know why you are almost blew with Kim?

That's because your knocked her up on your first date,

and before you could get to know her, she betrayed you.

Now you don't have strong feelings for her

and the only reason why you guys are still together is because there's a kid envolved.

Which means you gonna stick it out with her till the end whether you love her or not.

I don't know man, I don't think that's true.

I don't think it's about her. I think it's about me.

I've sabotaged every relationship I've ever been in. Look at it.

Mole-butt, Tina two-kids, Rumple-fuggly, Gift-shop Girl.

None of those girls were good for you anyway. Except for Mole-butt.

- I didn't even know Rumple-fuggly was a girl! - Stop it! Fug was awesome.

Lyme disease and... how on Earth

could I possibly have figured out such a tough diagnosis so darn quickly?

Because I'm that good. One more time for emphasis...

I'm that good. Wooooo!

Now I'm gonna have this incredibly fun-size intern

give you quick body-check for tick bites, tip-toes?

Oh, she-she's cute.

And once she has found the telltale bullseye shaped mark

we'll be able to start trigging you. How does that sound, Mr Hotneck?

Please... call me Joe.

- Gotta get that guy out of here. - Why? Is he a jerk?

No, I... I think I like him.

- What smells like eggs? - Nothing sir, you're imagining.

- What's wrong with liking a patient? - I'm not you.

I don't get to introduce myself to patients, do a minor surgery,

recommend a good mortician to family and that just be on my way.

I have to treat people, and If I like them

well, that makes me wanna work harder much harder.

Really... who has time for that, right?

Seriously...

Am I having a stroke or is someone making an homelette?

Hey Keith.

You came to your house while I'm packing all my stuff,

even though you promised not to be here.

Awesome.

Well, you know you can't take my word. I mean, I also

promised to marry you last Saturday, right? Right?

I know... too soon. I'm sorry.

But, come on. We loved too-soon jokes.