The Marriage Ref - First Season

Nathan Lane...

I've taken an immediate dislike to these people.

Kathy Griffin...

We like it actually when you just stand in our presence

and then we can boss you around and judge you.

And Tracy Morgan.

You look like sexy chocolate to me.

Okay, you know what? Time.

We have a man down!

Repeat! Man down!

Don't eat it!

Your teeth are gonna fall out!

Stay oyour path, shante!

Not until you identify the me!

A complete collision of culture,

gender, and sexual orientation.

You're gayer than I am.

I know, so.

I just want to point out that Tracy

has hit on every wife in the story and now a statue.

You better be careful, Nathan lane.

You might be next.

Ooh.

We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen!

Yeah!

Now here's the marriage ref,

Tom papa.

Thank you.

Hi and welcome to the marriage ref.

I'm Tom papa.

You know, there's nothing more fun than watching

a married couple struggle with a problem

that's got nothing to do with you.

So why not sit back, relax, and watch someone else

grind it out?

Well, panel, thank you for being here.

Welcome, welcome.

We're gonna watch some arguments.

We're gonna have some arguments

and then I'm gonna end it all

by making the call, so here we go.

Let's emerge from our chrysalis

and flutter into the butterfly capital of the world,

coconut creek, Florida...

It really is.

And meet the hankersons.

Rosalyn wants to play a lonely game,

but doesn't want to be alone.

I met rosalyn through her brother in the army.

I've always had this thing for men in uniform.

You know, we made each other laugh.

I didn't wait for him to propose.

I didn't want him to get away.

So I proposed to him and he said yes.

What does "solitaire" mean?

It's a one-person game.

It's a one-person game?

Yeah.

Why would you call me in the room with you

to watch you play a one-person game?

I told you how I feel about when I'm playing solitaire

and every single time you take over the game.

Solitaire to me is a single-person game.

What you're saying don't make sense.

It don't make sense.

I would consider putting the game away, cregg,

if I felt like you was serious about spending time with me.

I think you have other stuff on your mind.

Are you a psychologist?

I never knew these things about you.

I never knew that you could ask a question and answer it.

You're sitting, playing solitaire.

You're asking me to come in there

and spend time with you.

"Hey, why don't you come in the room with me?"

I sit next to you. "Hey, what you doing?"

"Oh, I'm just playing this game.

Huh, huh, huh."

"Hey, ros, why don't you put

the 4 or that 5... "

"hey, don't help me!"

I want you in the room with me to spend time with me.

Get it?

I get that you try to spend time with solitaire.

- Because... - Why? What is that?

Solitaire is a one-person game!

So here's the issue.

Should he have to sit and watch her play solitaire

because she considers it spending time together?

- She wants him to stand there? - Stand there.

I'm really trying to...

Is there any help for them?

- Stand there? - Stand there.

Yeah, we like it actually when you just stand in our presence

and then we can boss you around and judge you.

Thank you.

You got to keep moving.

But why, Kathy? Why do they...

Women always want the man in physical view.

Yeah, we want you around.

If we could, we would put some lojack

or some sort of tracking device on you.

But why do you want us around,

'cause that's the only time you absolutely know

we're not cheating?

- Right. - Yeah, we don't trust you.

At all.

And you need the whole guy there.

You got to see all...

We want him there and we want him

paying attention to us but not really bothering us.

Not that dude.

What do you mean?

Not that dude.

- Well, he's a little... - who he's gonna cheat with?

They been married for 17 years.

Well, you know, it seems a little passive-aggressive

that she is insisting he join her at solitaire.

It just doesn't make any sense whatsoever, but...

But I did like the trampolining at the beginning,

'cause they were kind of spooning and trampolining.

We also like that.

We like if you stand behind us

and bounce on something with a lot of play and Springs.

Or is that just me? Is that just me?

All right.

Do you have a favorite game

you play on the computer?

Well, porn and...

Uh, you know, and then just checking out the news and...

Is there any more to this tape?

Yes, there is.

Before we go any further, we just saw the hankersons

argue through a card game.

Now they've got bigger fish to fry.

You go fishing every single day.

If you have 20 minutes before work, cregg,

you're fishing.

If you would only go fishing,

you would be a happier person.

I don't want to go fishing.

Fishing, it just relaxes me.

It's rough out here in this world today

and, you know, different people turn to different things.

If Charlie sheen like fishing...

If Tiger Woods like fishing...

If they were fishing instead of doing what they were doing

when they got in trouble, they wouldn't be in trouble.

What woman have to always tell their husband

she wants to spend time with them?

You should be taking me somewhere.

I'm trying to take you somewhere.

- Where? - Fishing.

I hate fishing. I don't like it.

- It's hot out there. - You like to eat fish.

So?

You just made me right.

You could be out ió mother nature,

enjoying the nature, looking at the water,

the birds flying by.

You could be so happy.

I want us to be back where we were

when we first met.

That's what I'm telling you.

I don't sleep with the fish.

You may as well.

You gone enough.

You know, I'm gonna show you that I'm not neglecting you.

I'm gonna give you some fish in a few minutes.

I'm gonna feed you.

Cregg, everything goes your way.

I might be watching lifetime or something.

What do you do?

You pick up the remote...

I am not sitting there

watching those man-bashing shows, no.

Lifetime is real-life stuff.

Fishing is real-life stuff.

It relaxes me.

It gets my mind off all this other stuff

that's going on in the world.

So you're saying fishing makes you feel better than me then?

I'm not saying that, but...

But if I was fishing right now,

I wouldn't be arguing with you.

Am I crazy or is this the exact same issue

with the other spouse and a different activity?

Yes.

"Why can't you watch me play cards?"

"Why can't you watch me fish?"

So I'm assuming they've never heard

of the game go fish.

There's no woman that wants to watch him fish

or join him fishing.

There's no fun in fishing.

I'm not married anymore

because of solitaire and fishing.

Those are signs, cregg!

They say the number one reason for divorce is money,

but it turns out it's solitaire and fishing.