Police Academy: Mission to Moscow

And ready, here we go. Five, four, three, two...

Good evening. Tragedy in Taiwan.

Disaster in Denmark. Mayhem in Malaysia.

Those stories and more coming up later.

Tonight's lead story: the computer game phenomenon...

distributed by alleged Russian Mafia leader Konstantine Konali...

has taken the world by storm. Out of the cold climates of Russia...

comes the hottest computer game sensation...

simply called "The Game." Ed?

- Ed, what are you doing? - You gotta try this game. It's great.

Not now, Ed. In the past six months...

"The Game" has generated over $1.5 billion in revenue...

- breaking all previous records. - Get him, you miserable bear!

What makes this game stand out? This is the first time that a video game...

- has appealed to a youthful... - Ed!

as well as a more sophisticated market.

- Oh, sh... - "The Game," available in cartridges...

as well as floppy disks for computer, has everybody playing.

Take it, Lindsay, take it.

The creator and mass-marketer of "The Game" is Konstantine Konali...

- allegedly head of the Russian Mafia. - No, no, no!

Konali and... What is he up to in Moscow?

Get your hands off it.

- Get your hands off the game! - I want that game!

I'm not giving you my game! Give it to me!

- You're through at this station. - You're through.

Misha, take care of Skippy.

Ay.

Leonid, Leonid, Leonid.

Enough living in the shadows.

Someday...

this will all...

be mine!

- This crime problem is out of hand. - Yes, Boris Nikolayevich.

We need help.

I can recommend a man I met during the international conference.

I understand he has already had dealings with Konali...

when Konali was in America.

I will make this very clear.

Can he help us get Konali?

Yes, Boris Nikolayevich. He is just the man for the job.

Keep me informed.

Ah.

Oh.

There you are, son.

How are the new recruits doing?

It might be the best class ever, except for one man.

- He's afraid of heights. - See what you can do for him.

I find that sometimes the least likely cadets make the finest police officers.

Commandant Lassard, throw us the ball.

Off the scoreboard...

off the floor, off the wall...

off the redhead.

Nothing but net.

- Not bad. - I love this game.

Connors. Where's Connors?

Thanks, Connors. You fixed it.

That's a classified police file.

"The academy has assembled a special team for a mission to Moscow."

I'd kill for that job.

Webster's on the list. Why him?

Because he graduated first in our class.

Yeah, well...

can he do this?

Yep.

Can he do this?

- Yep. - That's all I got.

What are you doing?

- Well, I've never been to Russia. - Okay, now put it back.

Connors. Sergeant wants you.

- Yeah. - Now.

I'm so very, very glad to see you.

The Moscow police have asked us to assist them...

- in apprehending Konstantine Konali. - Russkies?

The godfather of Russian organized crime.

Men...

Six years ago...

Konali helped to establish a branch of the Russian Mafia here...

in our country.

Nearly got him then.

Unfortunately, he slipped through our fingers and escaped back to Moscow...

where he continues his criminal activities...

aided by his brother Mikhail and pet snake Skippy.

Home run!

Now we get another chance to apprehend him.

Man, what a wimp.

Connors, get down here. You're never gonna pass the test.

I've gotta pass. My father was a cop.

His father was a cop. His father was a horse thief.

- You got vertigo. Let's go. - Vertigo. Ha!

I don't have vertigo.

Yo, Connors, you want a doughnut?

- Not bad. - Connors, let's face it.

You don't have what it takes to be a cop.

Take this to Commandant Lassard's office.

- He'll sign off on your dismissal papers. - Bummer, dude.

Now, I want you to meet...

a new addition to our team.

- You must be Cadet Connors. - Hi.

I'm very, very impressed by your file.

- Cadet Kyle Connors. - Mm.

Top grade average in the class.

Sir, I have to tell you something.

Congratulations.

Thanks, but I'm not really the man in that file.

Oh, I know what you mean.

These reports never do give an accurate picture of who we really are.

- Hm? - Yes, but...

Ow!

Ooh!

What the hell is this?

Uh-huh.

Come on, come on. Come on.

- Let's all pull together. - Okay.

Okay, all together, on three! One, two, three!

- Oh, God. - Sir!

Ah! Captain Harris, our expert in surveillance, will be accompanying us.

Team, we're all off to Russia...

to kick many, many butt-skis.

Ah, Alexander Nikolaivitch.

Men...

this is the honorable Commandant Alexander Nikolaivitch Rakov.

- Sasha. - May I say it is an honor...

to have the great Commandant Lassard visiting our country?

- Yes, you may. - May I kiss you again?

- No, you may not. - May I escort you inside?

Yes, you may.

It is really wonderful to have you here in Russia.

Please say hello to your lovely wife...

and tell her I'm sorry she's not here with you.

Yes. Lieutenant Yuri Talinsky.

Head of our organized crime unit.

Please, don't underestimate the power of the Russian Mafia...

the most sadistic organization in the world.

Katya.

This is Sergeant Katya Sergei.

She has been handpicked to be your guide and translator.

Lieutenant Talinsky, I hold you personally responsible...

for the comfort and safety of the Americans and Commandant Lassard.

- Yes, sir. - Now, Americans and Russians...

we must grab Konali like the insect that he is...

and we must then crush him!

- God. - Make way. Jones. Jones.

- Jones. Make way. Make way. - Oh!

I am Captain Thaddeus Harris and in this case...

I have state-of-the-art American surveillance equipment.

I'll have this Konali business wrapped up for you in a few days.

Excuse me, Ricky. I must go to the toilet.

Yes, of course.

- Pardon me. Which is my car? - The one in front.

The one in front. Oh, yeah.

- What did he say? - Well, he said that you had...

a marvelous attitude and you're a pleasure to work with, sir.

I'm going to keep my eye on you.

The red zone is for Communist parking only.

The one in front.

The red zone is for Communist parking only.

Oh, hello.

Lieutenant Talinsky didn't tell me his family would be here.

Very nice of you to come and greet me.

Katrina, I want you to think of me as America's goodwill ambassador.

And you think of me as translator and guide.

Stop! Stop!

Ay! Ay-yai-yai-yai-yai.

I'm in deep borscht.

Captain Callahan, 511. Sergeant Jones, 513.

Sergeant Tackleberry, 514. Cadet Connors, 520.

Captain Harris, 515.

Not exactly a four-star hotel, is it?

Well, we spend our police budget on fighting criminals...

not on pampering out-of-town visitors.

Your government brought us here.

They also bring in monkeys for zoo...

but we don't put them in four-star hotel either.

Well, I just go check on Commandant Lassard.

Lassard. Lassard. You!

You.

- Hm-mm. - You.

I have job for you.

Again. When you hear door, you say:

"I'm in the bathroom. I'll meet you there."

"I'm in the bathroom. Meet me there."

Again.

"I'm in the bathroom. I'll meet you there."

"I'm in the bathroom. Meet you there."

Come in.

Again!

"In the bathroom. Meet me there."

Excuse me. Is the commandant in?

Well, I just saw him. He's very tired and enjoying moment of rest.

Ah. Thank you.

I have to get to next level. Eh...

- Looking for something, captain? - Bugs. You can never be too careful.

- Call me paranoid. - You're paranoid.

I'm down to one life. I can't make it.

Can I show you a little trick?

Watch. You just want the bear to go back three spaces. Right?

See?

It makes it to next level.

- I made it. Thank you. - Game.