Wrecked

Previously on "Wrecked"...

Pack, you're a sports agent, right?

Yeah. Very successful.

I killed a Nazi.

You killed a guy who happened to be a Nazi.

Same thing!

We're pirates, mother

Danny Wallace?

His family's worth billions!

I am The Barracuda... and this is my island now.

We'll call your father,

and after he sends the money,

we'll have you picked up here.

I'm so sorry, but... my father's dead.

Dad's dead?!

There's been a setback.

We're just going to have to learn to live together.

Hey, guys. I know that we're all

feeling a little uneasy about the pirates, right?

We don't know, you know, what they're doing

or how long they plan to stay...

Yeah! What are they doing!?

And how long do they plan to stay!?

Well, Chet, it's like I literally just said,

we don't know...

And how come they have so much gear?

- Why? - And why do they have tarps?!

I'm pretty sure that the tarps are just to cover things.

I don't think we need to fear the tarps.

If it were up to me, I'd say we steal those tarps,

string 'em to some boards and boom...

We kite surf right outta this shithole.

- Todd's right. - We should do that.

- Yeah! - I've seen it on TV.

We could try, at least.

Okay. Hey, guys!

Why don't we just think of the pirates

as our new heavily-armed neighbors...

If we leave them alone, they will leave us alone.

Oh.

We're taking your beach.

Wh... Seriously? Where are we supposed to go?

Oh, we'll want you close.

You can live down there.

- Down there? - That's a terrible place!

- Where we all shit? - Burnt tires and stuff!

That's, like, the worst part of the beach!

It's covered in trash and broken glass...

- And dead birds. - See?

I didn't even know about the dead birds.

Okay. Guys, new plan.

Let's grab our stuff and move down the beach.

- What do you think? - Oh, I hate grabbing my stuff!

Are you happy?

And I want your shirt.

I'm sorry?

Your shirt.

Take it off and give it to me.

Why does she want his shirt?

She can have my shirt.

Okay. All right.

I know what you're doing.

You're big-doggin' me.

You're trying to show everybody

you can make me do whatever you want.

Okay, let me just explain something to you,

uh, The Barracuda.

I am putting my foot down.

Okay, see this foot?

I am putting it down.

Yeah. I'll just take... I'll take it off now.

It's sweaty, so it's hard to come off.

Ow! Dammit!

God, there's broken glass everywhere!

Admittedly, this is a setback.

But on the plus side, Bruce did let me

borrow one of his shirts...

Don't stretch that, now!

At least it can't get any worse.

What the hell is that noise?!

God bless.

They're partying.

I don't know, but Bandana gets up.

This is insane!

Why is it so loud?

They're probably just blowing off steam.

They can't party all day.

What are they gonna do?

Party all night?

Oh, my God. They partied all day...

and they partied all night.

Why is this happening to us?

Are we... dead?

Dad, I know I wasn't able to

be home for your funeral, but...

Oh! Who wrote that?

"Dick" Wallace!

I don't think you're a dick.

Some people do, but not Steve!

No! Steve, it's not for me, it's for my dad!

Oh. Yeahhh, him.

He is a dick...

No, I built it!

It's for... I was...

Wait a minute... People think I'm a dick?

Who thinks I'm a dick?

Oh, just, you know, some people

because if your parents loved you more,

we'd be going home right now.

Hey, hey. I didn't...

I mean, that's the truth, but I...

Look, both of us have done things we regret.

You bringing the pirates to the island,

me not killing that Nazi sooner...

You murdered someone, Steve. It's not the same.

- Oh, it's pretty similar. - No.

Anyway, the others... They hate us for it.

You can feel the jealousy.

I think you and I should team up.

What about this... We get off the island

and go into business together!

We make a billion dollars

and we shove it in their fat faces!

I mean, with my brains, and your money...

Put it this way, I've got a lot of good ideas!

Are you about to "Shark Tank" me?

Please don't "Shark Tank" me at my father's grave...

I don't know what that means, but picture this.

Oh, Jesus. I'm a man.

I've been hard-working all day.

I've just got home. What do I need?

A big bowl of steamy, creamy risotto.

But who's got time for all that stirring?!

Oh, kids will be home soon.

I give you "RisoGurt."

It's like Go-GURT... but for risotto!

You think people want hot, portable risotto?

- Also, is there yogurt in it? - Of course not!

It's one-hundred percent steamy, creamy risotto.

Then why is it called "RisoGurt?"

I've got other ideas...

I'm gonna walk away now.

Well, mull it over!

We'll crack it, you know!

This is ridiculous! They're using our shelters!

- They're eating our hot dogs! - They're not our hot dogs.

They're on our island. They're our hot dogs.

We rule this realm!

Hi.

Hi!

What?

Guys, I'm worried about Florence.

I think that the lack of sleep's

- starting to get to her. - What's happening?

That's it!

I'm getting this shit turned down!

What? How?

Uh, I'm an agent, remember?

I'll negotiate.

Uh, they have guns.

And I've got the magic mouthpiece, baby!

Trust me.

I was trained by the best.

Does the name Greta Liebowitz mean anything to you guys?

Seriously?

"Game On" Greta?

Oh, crack the trades, you guys!

Greta Liebowitz is the single

greatest sports agent of all time.

No, I'm not mad. I'm furious!

She taught me everything I know...

Let me work my magic.

I'll have 'em eating right out of my asshole.

I don't think that's the phrase at all.

What's up, bros?

Oh, hell yeah!

You know, I love music.

What do you want?

I just wanted to come by

and say whattup, you know.

I am loving these jams.

I'm back there like,

"I should be chin deep

in some strip club titties."

You guys know what I'm talking about, playboys?

No.

O-Kay.

I just wanted to see if you guys

could just keep the vols on your speaks

down where they are now.

You know, not for me, you know, I love it, you know?

It's like pump, pump, pump it up!

It's more so for my friends, you know,

they're just a bunch of narcs and pussies...

Not gonna happen. My men deserve some R&R.

Also, I don't like you.

But I do like your watch.

This?

This is nothing, really.

- It's not even... - I'll take it.