How to Kill Monsters

Jamie.

- Jamie! - No!

Jamie, no!

Jamie!

Jamie! Jamie!

- Please, no, don't do that, please.

Oh, my god!

Jamie!

Jamie!

- No! No!

Jamie! - Jamie, no!

Jamie!

Jamie.

No.

You gotta stay with me.

It's over.

We made it.

I'm sorry.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Miss, put the weapon down.

Put your hands up.

- Jamie, can you tell us anything

about what happened tonight?

Who was that?

Jamie.

Jamie, can you tell us anything about what

happened this evening?

Miss.

It's over.

- We're here on the scene of a brutal massacre, which

has left four people dead and a community rocked by grief.

What began as a Halloween party in this cabin in the woods

ended in a bloodbath, with police responding

to a call made by sole survivor identified as Jamie Lancaster.

It was outside this peaceful cabin

that Ms. Lancaster was taken into custody just moments ago,

leaving behind a harrowing mystery.

Police investigators are now combing the crime scene

for clues as to what really happened on this fateful

Halloween night.

I never thought the world would end

I thought our love could last

I'm sorry all the things I promised

Never came to pass

Excuse me.

- Miss, suspects are advised to refrain

from speaking until they have been formally processed

at the station.

Suspect?

No, there's been a mistake.

I'm the victim.

What?

- Interview commencing 10:46 PM on Monday, the 31st of October.

Suspect's name is Jamie Lancaster, aged 32.

No previous record.

Ms. Lancaster, you are here because you've been arrested

on suspicion of mass murder.

I didn't kill anyone.

Mm-hmm.

The bodies of four victims

were found at the crime scene.

All but one of them were eviscerated.

Two were even missing their heads.

Jamie, I'm just here for the truth,

no matter how strange or bizarre it is.

OK?

OK.

What the hell was that?

You just said--

- All right, let's just start from the beginning, OK?

Ah-- before the screaming.

Got it.

- Hey. Ooh.

Hey.

You got a little--

Yeah.

A little-- you're welcome.

So was I right?

About what?

About you having fun tonight.

- Playing Spin the Bottle with your old college friends

at a rundown cabin in the woods?

It's not exactly my ideal Halloween.

OK, sorry.

Then what's Jamie's ideal Halloween?

Well, how about you and me--

Mm-hmm.

- --curled up on the sofa, pizza, plus some wine,

and a really shit low-budget horror movie?

OK, yeah.

That does sound good to me.

All right!

Listen up.

Firstly, thank you for coming and showing your beautiful

faces here tonight.

It has been too long since the old gang got back together.

Fuck yeah!

- Secondly, thank you, Daniel, for bringing your rather

wonderful girlfriend, Jamie.

She really is perfect.

Now, on to the big reveal.

Wait, what's going on?

- It's OK. It's OK.

It's cool.

- Just a little privacy so we can get on

to the real reason we're all here tonight.

The Eldritch Blade.

Holy shit, Danny!

You actually pulled through!

Hey, hey, be careful!

That's 500 years old.

I need to return it to my guy at the university

first thing tomorrow morning-- without a scratch

is what he told me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It looks kind of fake to me.

Are you sure you didn't get duped again, Danny?

Oh, it's the real thing.

Let's summon a monster!

Seriously.

You're not telling me you actually went along

with all of this, right?

Fuck off.

Ah!

- No, I'll pass. - Jamie--

- No. - --come on.

No.

Daniel, it's fine.

Jamie has a different part to play.

Wait, what do you mean?

No!

Daniel!

No!

No, Daniel!

No!

No!

Sorry.

One moment.

Come in.

Did I miss anything?

- No, we were just getting to the good bit.

Continue.

As I was saying--

No! No!

No!

Help me!

Daniel!

Run!

Run!

999.

Hello?

Can anyone hear me?

Hello?

Jamie?

- Time to send you back to hell, you ugly son of a bitch!

No.

Stay with me.

It's over.

We made it.

I'm sorry.

OK.

I think we've heard enough.

Wait, what?

We already know the rest.

No need to go over what happens next.

That's it?

We've got everything we need.

You said you wanted the truth.

I've told you what really happened.

And it's a great story.

But it's not very original, though, is it?

A cabin in the woods?

A ritual that summons some kind of monster which conveniently

disappeared.

Oh, and a chainsaw.

I mean, come on.

It's been done.

This isn't a fucking joke!

Those people tried to kill me tonight.

Now they're all dead, torn apart by something

that I will have nightmares about until the day I die.

And the man I love, he sacrificed

himself to save my life.

If you don't believe me, then believe this.

Whatever power--

--brought that monster into our world is still out there.

More will come.

And if we don't stop it, we are all going to die.

Oh?

I'll take it from here.

Yes, ma'am.

Can I get you a drink--

tea, coffee, anything?

There are four dead, and the door was locked from the inside.

You were covered from head to toe in blood.

Forensics have already confirmed matches to all