The Big C

Previously on The Big C...

I've rushed into doing it. It's kind of ruined stuff.

- Is that cool? - Yeah, totally.

We did it once.

I have a girlfriend.

So stop leaving notes on my locker.

You're an asshole.

Your position is no longer required.

Am I being fired?

Now I got to worry about--

about finding a job and getting insurance again.

- Oh! - Oh, my God.

Why is he laughing?

Oh, look who it is,

my would-be assassin.

Shut up and let me fill out my goddamn paperwork.

I'm guessing this is your first clinical trial.

Right now cliques are forming.

And nobody wants to be friends with the mean blonde girl.

Imagine you are healthy and strong,

and you are ready to fight your enemy--

cancer.

Visualize your cancer in front of you

and prepare for battle.

You have great reserves of inner strength.

Reach inside yourself and harness this power.

Your courage empowers you.

Your endurance sustains you.

You are filled with confidence and light.

You are not sick.

You will be triumphant...

Because you are stronger

than your canc--

canc-- canc-- canc-- canc-- canc--

"A," good morning.

"B," help yourself to anything but the lasagna.

That's for dinner.

I'm looking for a-- like, a baby-sized pot roast

or something of equal heft to test my creation.

Okay, I'll bite.

What creation?

Ah. Introducing...

The tolkey tot tote.

It's a sling for baby Cathy.

- She is gonna rock it. - Well, it is...

Admirably homemade.

Ah, it's cobbled together from dish towels,

couple of old pot holders.

Hey, check it out.

It works. Ha ha. I'm brilliant.

Has Rebecca seen this?

No, she's on a pharmaceutical boondoggle,

which is why I've had time to nurture my creative side.

Oh.

Granted, further testing is in order.

Um, I'll get right on it.

Remember, babies are fragile.

Every time Adam does something stupid,

I wonder if it's because I dropped him

- on that skating rink. - Oh, no.

He does stupid shit 'cause I dropped him on the driveway.

Thanks for the balanced breakfast, sis.

Really, Daisy?

Our insurance is covering the appointment

where the doctor ordered the MRI for my wife,

but not the MRI itself?

How convenient...for you.

Oh, don't you worry, Daisy.

I will resubmit the claim.

You have a lovely, well-insured day yourself.

Bye-bye.

What's the damage this time?

1,800 bucks.

Now I-I really want to fuck her up.

No fucking-upping. You let me handle it, okay?

You just chillax.

Whoa. Is that a new iPod?

Damn, I want one.

No, it's my old iPod. It's broken.

I'm gonna take it in.

They're either gonna fix it,

or they're gonna give me a new one.

Am I sensing some tension here?

No, you're sensing $1,800 is a lot of money,

even when we had two incomes.

This is just a blip on the economic picture, I promise.

Did you follow up on those job interviews from last week?

They were both steps down-- bad moves, big picture-wise.

We need a better picture, Paul.

Remember my old friend Jimmy Lund?

- Plaid shirts? - Striped.

He called.

The company he works for is hiring.

We're gonna have lunch to talk about the details.

I feel really, really good about this one, Cath,

really good.

So the unemployment tide is turning.

Up high.

Oh, yeah.

You really have to leave,

because I have to leave.

Come on.

I still think it's better if we go slow,

like we decided,

and not do stuff.

Okay?

Mm-hmm.

Call me tonight?

- Yeah. - You promise?

- Yeah, totally. - Okay, cool.

- See ya. - Later.

If I catch you without your helmet one more time,

no more bike.

I was just with Mia.

Most accidents happen close to home.

Read the statistics. They're horrifying.

How is Mia?

Fine.

She had to go visit her 1,000-year-old grandma.

So I have to go to the clinic and then run a few errands.

Dad's gone, too, so you are on your own

until 5:00 or 6:00.

If you get hungry before then, feed yourself.

How?

There is money in the cash drawer.

Order a pizza.

Make sure you finish your English paper

before I get home.

You even know where your helmet is?

Yeah.

It's-- it's in the garage, where I left it.

Next time, put it on...

And keep it on...

Until you're around 25.

Hey, wait up.

Do I have to walk in front of your car again

to get your attention?

Want to find out? I'm going to my car now.

You know what's great about you?

You have the face of a cheerleader

and the attitude of a bouncer.

- I like it. - Hmm.

Oh, Saturday drug run?

Is there anything in there to make you nicer to me?

Nothing that potent.

I'm just picking up refills

from that pharmacist with the dubious hair plugs.

Didn't think I'd see you today.

I was just teaching a meditation class

to the oncology nurses.

They are a tense bunch.

It wore me out.

You want to get lunch? I'm starving.

- You're buying. - How very generous of me.

Hmm. No, I think I'll pass.

I have errands to run.

Wow. What's with the jewelry?

Did you rob an old lady with questionable taste?

No, I'm just getting rid of a few things.

Well, hey, you can't take it with you.

No, but I can take it to the pawn shop on Washington.

Wait. This Washington?

No, no, no. I should come with you.

No, it'll be boring.

I'm bored, and it's my jewelry.

Seriously, I ran past that place

the other day, and trust me,

running is the way you should pass it.

Let me, um, check that I have my rape whistle.

Hello, fellow parents.

Um, I'm wondering if you could help me

with a little paternal predicament I'm having.

I need to do a real-world test-drive

of my tolkey tot tote.

That's right-- total baby comfort,

zero environmental impact.

Pretty sharp, huh?

Looks like a bunch of rags.

Well, you say potato,

I say repurposed items from my home.

I just need to try it out on a real baby

before my baby's born and things get crazy.

So can one of you just slip this on

and put your little one in it--

That thing is filthy. I can actually see the dirt.

Oh, no. No.

It's perfectly clean.

It just hasn't been pummeled by harsh detergents.

So just...

Tuck your little fella in there

- and give him a bounce. - Are you nuts?

No, not anymore.

And I suppose you think spending hundreds of dollars

on pimped-out strollers and witless toys is sane.

Let me let you in on a little secret.

Babies don't give a rat's ass

about accessories.

You're just being manipulated by corporations

into buying mountains of shit

that makes you feel good.