Melissa & Joey

- Hey. - Hey.

I know you've been complaining that you can't get to your clothes

in the closet, so I weeded out all the stuff we don't need.

Oh, great.

Hey, these are all my things.

Yeah, but it's just records, books, trophies,

family photos. You know, junk you don't need.

Why is all my stuff junk?

Maybe that's a question you need to ask yourself.

Whoa, hey, wait a minute. I'm not getting rid of my CDs, girl.

Have you ever heard of the Internet?

You know, I hear it's really catching on.

I'm sure you can download Bell Biv Devoe, Rockwell,

Joe and Joe... Wait a minute, is that guy you?!

What?

Huh? How about that? It is, yeah.

Stop, stop, stop! Oh, we are so gonna check this out.

No. No, we're not.

Yeah, "Joe Duke and Joe Longfellow"?

Longfellow? Was that your porn-star name?

Okay, after college, I had a brief music career.

All right? Then I got serious, I went to business school...

The best decision that I ever made.

How come you never told me you did music?

Because it was short-lived, and now it's living

at the bottom of a box, so game over. Can I have it, please?

No, wait, wait.

Should we listen to The Depth of You

or Everything I Want is You?

Or better yet, You and You?

Can I have it, please?

Right after you Whisper Me to Heaven.

All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I won't tease you anymore.

Psych! Everybody, Joe was in a boy band!

Hey, guys, guess what I just found out about Joe?

He was a singer in a boy band.

And he was adorable. Look!

- (All laughing) - What is that thing?

Oh, it's a CD. It's how old people used to listen to music.

I know what a CD is.

Hey, if it's cool enough to wear a flannel shirt,

why did you cut off the sleeves?

Yeah, what are you? A lumberjack in Hawaii?

Guys, stop making fun of Joe. Oh my gosh! I can't even!

Okay, laugh it up, ladies. Laugh it up, yeah.

We all know now I had a brief singing career.

All right? But the singing is now over,

so on to somebody else. Dani, it's your turn.

Tell us something we didn't know about you.

I'm a singer too.

- Okay, listen up, people... - Really?

That's so interesting, because I hear your dad was a singer.

Yeah, I used to sing all the time back in fort Wayne.

We had a piano.

I wonder if Dani's voice sounds

anything like Joe's voice.

You know, if only there were a way to hear both voices

and compare them. Hmm.

You're not going to stop, are you,

till you hear some noise coming out of that thing?

All right, hand it over. Hand it over.

- (Disc snaps) - There we go.

Look at that... It made some noise!

Lennox! Lennox, this is unbelievable news.

You'll never guess what happened.

Someone's had way too many energy drinks?

Well, yeah.

And Ivana Robichek loves our web series.

- (Gasps) No way! - Uh-huh.

Who's Ivana Robichek?

This go-getter grad student from the film-producing program

and she wants to turn "Cassandra"

into a live-action short film.

Wait, do you know how much money it costs to make a student film?

Ivana's gonna pay for the whole thing.

I have always loved that girl.

Can I come in?

Oh, I thought your insanely possessive girlfriend Lilah

banned you from ever seeing me again.

No, no, no!

That's so not a problem anymore.

Lennox, this film could be an awesome opportunity for us.

Are you in?

If you're sure Lilah is not going to be a problem.

Absolutely not. Just one... one little thing.

Uh, if you need to reach me, call me on this phone,

not my regular cell.

And if I answer and I say,

"Hola, Pedro," it means I'll call you back in, like, five minutes.

You bought a phone just for me?

That's sweet, isn't it?

Sweet? No! It's a burner.

You bought this cheap phone so you could keep us secret from Lilah.

Yeah, but it'll be fun. It's like we're spies.

Come back after you tell Lilah

we're working together.

I know, but I can't tell her tonight.

Why not?

Well, tonight's super-hero sex night.

She dresses up like Mystique, so she wears nothing but blue eye shadow

- all over that perfect little body. - My fault for asking.

Isn't she a beauty? I got it online from a guy

for 50 bucks because there was a dead cat in it.

But it's all good now.

- And this is for me? - And me!

You know, if I ever decide to drape myself across it

and sing a torch song to a gangster.

Come on, try it out.

Where'd you learn to play?

From my good friend and awesome teacher, Mr. YouTube.

Like father, like daughter.

She could be a pop star.

Wow, she's amazing, right?

Eh, it's not bad.

What does he know?

With the tight t-shirt and judgmental attitude, it's like he's...

Heidi Klum.

I was going to say Simon Cowell, but yours is better.

Joe, Dani's song was great.

And all you have to say is, "eh, not bad"?

You could have been a little more encouraging to your daughter.

Maybe being encouraging isn't really the best thing for her.

Oh, wait, so it's a parent's job

to crush their children's dreams.

Wait a second, I've got to call my mom and thank her!

I'm just saying there's a middle ground,

you know, between crushing their dreams and building false hope.

I mean, nowadays, the message is, you know, "follow your heart,

"follow your heart." Well, you know,

maybe that's not the best thing to do,

'cause if you follow your heart, it can lead you

right into the middle of traffic. You know why?

Your heart doesn't have any eyes.

Does this have something to do with you

and the best decision you ever made, getting out of music?

The best decision I ever made, honey, was marrying you.

Well, I know,

but stop trying to change the subject.

Where is all this negative attitude coming from?

There's something you're not telling me.

Did you change your hair? It looks amazing.

I know,

but stop trying to distract me with the truth.

Dani's just a kid having fun.

You know, you should be encouraging.

Are you just going to ignore her every time she plays?

All right, fine.

From now on...

I'm her biggest fan.

Oh, don't overdo it.

You know, if you're that bubbly,

she might think you're faking it.

- Hey, Len. - Ah-ah-ah-ah! Not so fast.

You're not allowed in until I know you've told Lilah.

That's all taken care of. (Whistles)

Oh. Wait, so you told her we're working together,

and she's okay with it?

Wow. I didn't think you'd go through with it.

- (Cell phone ringing) - You think I'm scared of her?

I mean, seriously, what kind of man is scared of his girlfriend?

Oh my God, it's Lilah! She's face-timing me.

You still haven't told her!

I was this close. Oh, she can't know I'm here.

Uh, neutral wall! Neutral wall.

Hi, hon.

Where am I?

I'm at that, you know, Swedish furniture store...

In the door section. Yeah.

This one's called Haagendorf.

Only $11. (Chuckles)

I don't know how they do it either.

Pick you up one?

Sure.

Okay. Oh yeah. Talk to you later. Kiss kiss. Mwah!

You lied to me!

Yeah, but only about the Lilah stuff.

That's all the stuff.

I wanted to tell her.

I just don't see what you're getting out of this relationship

that's worth sacrificing your dignity.

Sex. Killer, killer sex.

If a guy is sacrificing his dignity,

assume he's doing it for sex.

You're never going to tell her about us, are you?

Well, she'll dump me, and I can't do that tonight

because it's cowboy night.

- She's gonna lasso me up... - Ah! Stop!

Okay, I do not need to know the theme of every night.

You know what, Zander? Forget it.

- We can't work together. - Whoa.

But what about our film?

It's not happening.

Well, could I use your screwdriver?