Jail Breakers

- Well boys, can I get you anything else?

She's pretty, huh?

And a quick learner too, for her first week.

Okay, no problem.

- Got an ass that'd make a priest

kick out a stained glass window.

Mm, mm, mm.

Excuse me.

Two vodka tonics, and a side of Jack, please.

- You're doing fine, Jessie, real fine.

Ah thank you, Mr. Asst.

It's Arst, Arst.

Sorry, Mr. Arst.

- That's perfectly all right, happens all the time.

- No, I should really know the name of my boss.

- Well, don't think of me as your boss, then.

I'm more like your benefactor,

your new best friend, don't you think?

Sure thing, Mr. Asst.

Why don't you just call me Ed?

Okay, Mr. Ed.

- How about you and me later on, we, you know?

- I'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend.

Well, who cares?

It's just a little blowjob in the back room.

I mean, you've done that plenty of times

with plenty of guys, huh?

- Ah, I would rather choke on my own vomit.

- I can definitely make you choke, baby.

Ah, back off, Mr. Creep!

- Keep your eye on this place, will ya?

Sure thing, Mr. Ed.

- It's not nice to call Mr. Arst a creep.

I'm sorry, okay?

You're sorry?

That's all you can say, you insult me in front of my staff,

and that's all you can say, you're sorry?

Oh look, Mr. Arst, Ed,

I really, really need this job, okay?

So, I'm not trying to start any trouble.

- Then you know how you can make it all better,

don't you baby?

- Everybody freeze, nobody move.

You, give me the money.

- Oh my god, it's the Living Dead Bandit!

What was that?

- The Living Dead- - No, say the whole thing.

- Oh my god, it's the Living Dead Bandit!

- I love it when they say that.

You, relax kid.

Give me the money.

Chicks dig me.

I love it.

Okay, okay.

You want some, Mr. Arst?

- Yeah, baby. - Yeah?

You do, don't ya?

Well, I'll give you some right here!

Whoa!

- You sit down, and you won't get hurt.

Hold it!

- What the hell is going on out here?

- It's the Living Dead Bandit, boss!

Ah, no!

- Now, really nobody move.

Except you, you move.

Hold this.

Geez, slow night, huh kid?

Yeah.

Here.

Thanks.

Give me that.

Freeze, police!

Put it down. - Damn it.

- Miss, you okay? - Uh-huh.

- I was at the doughnut shop, I heard a commotion.

Put your hands down, Junior.

And get me a Rob Roy, now.

Okay.

- All right look, Miss, are you okay?

Yeah, I think I...

- You're damn straight she's okay.

I saw this whole thing, this is a setup!

She's his accomplice, and they're in this together.

Are you crazy?

She lured me into the bathroom

so her pal could rip this joint off.

She has been casing this place all week for him.

Miss, is this true?

He's a liar!

He wanted me to suck his dick, but I couldn't find it.

- If I'm lying, may lightning strike me dead.

- Look, all right, you're gonna have to come down

to the station with me, just come on.

- But I'm telling you, I'm being framed!

Just move the doughnuts aside.

And get me a to-go cup now.

Comin' right up.

See you in jail, dyke.

- On behalf of the people of California,

we the jury find the defendant,

Jessie Owens, guilty of the crime of armed robbery,

and sentence her to five years at hard labor

in the State Women's Correctional Institute.

Leo!

Tell me something, Leo.

Are you happy with your work here at Wellworth Prison?

- No complaints, Warden, other than these new

teabag thong underwears you have me wearing.

- Now, now, Leo, you know these are

government inspected teabag thongs.

We're required to wear them by law.

If I can do it, so can you.

Yes, sir.

Right, show her in, will you?

Yes, sir.

He's ready for you now, Miss Owens.

Ah, Miss Owens.

Well, I see your paperwork is all complete,

and you're about to commence serving your sentence.

- I was framed, I didn't do anything.

Well, that's perfect!

Because here at Wellworth Prison,

all the inmates are serving time

because they were framed, just ask them.

Great.

- Well, now let's not be a gloomy Gus,

or a bluesy Bessie, Jessie, hm?

Here, we teach the positive reinforcement of social values,

yes, and good, clean, hard work.

Why, after you've been here a while,

I'm sure that you'll agree

that you will have seen and done quite a bit.

Well, it's not fair.

I didn't get a phone call,

or a public defender to represent me.

I was railroaded.

- Aw, well now, let's not blame others

for our situation, shall we?

After all, you're responsible

for your own situation, aren't you?

Look, I'm here to help you, not hurt you.

At least, I think so.

Is that what I'm here, Leo, for?

Yes, yes sir.

- Yes, to help you, not to hurt you, yes.

And to that end, I have a very special visitor for you.

I hope it's an OJ lawyer.

Ha, no.

Excuse me.

Send in the visitor please, thank you.

Oh, Tommy, I knew you'd come!

- Oh, this is the part that always gets to me.

- I never want to let you go.

I'll wait for you every day,

and I'll do everything in my power

to make sure that the governor gives you another trial.

Oh, a new trial?

- Yeah, a new trial with lawyers, and witnesses, everything.

- Oh gosh, Tommy, that would be great!

Oh, oh wait, did they ever catch that Living Dead Bandit?

I mean, he could tell them that I'm innocent.

- Well no, he's a master criminal.

I doubt that they'll ever catch him.

Aw.

You know, it's just so obvious

that you two kids love each other, head over heels in love.

I wanna help, you know?

I think what I'm gonna do is give you two a little time

to be alone for a moment to say a nice, fond farewell.

That is, before we lead Jessie off,

and strip her down, and do a complete cavity search,

and generally humiliate her.

You think that's wise, sir?

Oh, come on, come on, Leo.

They'll be fine.

They're not gonna go anywhere, come on.

See ya, kids.

Thank you, Warden.

Yeah.

- We've been given a very precious gift here.

I know.

Let's not waste it.

Mm-mm.

- Welcome to your new home, Owens.

Get used to it.

Good behavior here is rewarded with fringe benefits.

I can be very understanding

if you need a soft thigh to cry on.

- Yeah, well, I'll try to remember that.

You do that!

In the meantime, meet your new roomie, Taffy Manson.

Step outta line just one time.

This sucks.

Oh yeah?

Well, you should have my life.

- Well, I'm sorry if I sound like I'm complaining.

- Yeah, well things can go real easy round here,

or they can be real tough.

Yeah, so I heard.