Parks and Recreation

[Kool & the Gang's Celebration]

* WHOO-HOO!

HEY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER IN HER NEW PART-TIME JOB

IN THE PUBLIC HEALTH DEPARTMENT AT CITY HALL,

IT'S ANN MEREDITH PERKINS! YAY!

- OH, LESLIE, THIS IS SO NICE!

- I PUT POISONOUS GAS IN ONE OF THESE BALLOONS,

SO IF ANY OF THEM POPS, YOU MAY DIE.

- NO, APRIL, WE WOULD ALL DIE.

GASES FILL THE VOLUME

OF WHATEVER CONTAINER THEY'RE IN.

SCHOOL.

- WE HAVE ACTIVITIES EVERY HOUR ON YOUR FIRST DAY.

10:00 A.M., ANN'S FIRST DAY WAFFLE EXPLOSION.

11:00 A.M., THE START-PAPERWORK JAMBOREE.

00 NOON SHARP

IS THE INAUGURAL D-ANN-CE PARTY.

- WELCOME TO CITY HALL, CUPCAKE!

- HOW MANY OF YOU ARE IN HERE?

- THERE ARE SEVEN. AND YOU HAVE AN OFFICE MATE.

HIS NAME IS STUART, AND HE'S KIND OF A GROUCH.

I HAVE AN OFFICE MATE?

- GET THESE BALLOONS OUT OF HERE.

HI. I'M ANN.

*

- HEY. - HEY.

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW,

I GAVE THE SENIOR CENTER PROJECT TO DONNA.

- SOUNDS GOOD. 00?

YES. CONFERENCE ROOM C.

- OKAY. I THINK AT SOME POINT,

YOU AND I SHOULD PROBABLY MAKE OUT WITH EACH OTHER.

YEAH, GOOD CALL.

THE BEST PART OF ANY RELATIONSHIP

IS THE BEGINNING.

NO PROBLEMS, NO FIGHTS.

JUST WHITE WINE, CUDDLING,

AND CRAZY AMOUNTS OF HISTORY CHANNEL DOCUMENTARIES.

- HEY, WE SHOULD TAKE SEPARATE CARS

TO THE RESTAURANT TONIGHT.

CHRIS IS DEADLY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS--

I KNOW.

I JUST DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT, OKAY?

I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT.

- OKAY. OH, BY THE WAY,

I HAVE A MEETING WITH MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPE.

IS THAT ANY RELATION?

- NO. - OH, OKAY.

- JUST A COINCIDENCE. WE GET IT ALL THE TIME.

WE LAUGH ABOUT IT.

BUT I'VE NEVER MET HER.

SHE'S FILIPINO. - MM.

OKAY, BYE.

- WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL BEN SHE'S YOUR MOTHER?

BECAUSE BEN AND I

ARE IN THIS AMAZING LITTLE BUBBLE RIGHT NOW,

AND THERE'S NO ROOM IN HERE

FOR CHRIS' STUPID RULES ABOUT US NOT DATING

OR MY BALL-BUSTING MOTHER.

OH, LESLIE, I'M SORRY,

BUT I DON'T THINK YOU THOUGHT THIS THROUGH.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO? I SHOULD GET MY MOTHER

A ONE-WAY TICKET TO LONDON, LEAVING TODAY.

AND THAT WAY, BEN NEVER HAS TO MEET HER

AND I COULD VISIT HER IN LONDON.

EVERYBODY WINS.

- WHAT IF HE SEES A PICTURE OF HER ON YOUR DESK?

WHAT IF MARLENE SAYS,

"HEY, HAVE YOU MET MY DAUGHTER LESLIE?

SHE WORKS IN THE PARKS DEPARTMENT."

- STUART, PLEASE, COULD YOU GIVE US LIKE 45 MINUTES?

- IT'S MY OFFICE TOO. - STUART.

BOY, THAT GUY WAS RUDE.

- I FEEL THAT SOME STRUCTURAL CHANGES

COULD REALLY UNLOCK THIS DEPARTMENT'S POTENTIAL.

JERRY. - HMM?

- I BELIEVE YOU ARE CAPABLE OF MUCH MORE.

- I'M NOT. - NONSENSE.

LOOK IN THE MIRROR. - WHAT?

- YOU ARE AN INTELLIGENT, CHARISMATIC,

BEAUTIFUL SUPERHERO.

I'M MAKING YOU HEAD OF PUBLIC RELATIONS,

WHICH MEANS YOU'LL BE LEADING THE DAILY BRIEFING SESSIONS.

EXCELLENT IDEA.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART

ABOUT HAVING A NEW CITY MANAGER.

THEY ALWAYS TRY TO SHAKE THINGS UP,

AND THEIR IDEAS ARE TERRIBLE,

AND IT BRINGS CITY HALL TO A GRINDING HALT.

I JUST GRAB A FEW DONUTS,

SIT BACK, AND ENJOY THE SHOW.

- APRIL, YOU ARE TOO VALUABLE

TO JUST BE RON'S ASSISTANT.

SO FROM NOW ON, YOU ARE A MULTITASKING EXECUTIVE AIDE,

ASSISTING THE ENTIRE OFFICE.

IS THIS A NIGHTMARE?

APRIL, WAKE UP.

TOM, I JUST WANNA SAY

THAT YOU ARE A WONDERFUL EMPLOYEE

AND A TERRIFIC HUMAN BEING.

MEETING ADJOURNED!

- TOM.

I ENJOY YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I ENJOY? YOUR ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT.

- I DID RECENTLY SELL MY CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK DVD

ON eBAY for $10.

USED THE PROFITS TO BUY THE BLU-RAY.

- THAT'S TERRIFIC. I HAVE AN AMAZING PROJECT

FOR SOMEONE OF YOUR TALENTS.

YOU ARE GOING TO DIGITIZE

THE ENTIRE CITY ARCHIVES UP ON THE FOURTH FLOOR.

- NO! I HATE THE FOURTH FLOOR!

LAST TIME I WAS UP THERE,

I SAW SOMEONE BUY CRYSTAL METH OUT OF A VENDING MACHINE.

IT'S A BAD PLACE.

- YOU WON'T BE ALONE. ANDY.

STARTING NOW,

YOU ARE NOBODY'S SHOESHINE BOY.

STARTING NOW, YOU ARE AN ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT.

FOR THREE WEEKS. THEN BACK TO SHOES.

CHRIS!

I WASN'T SUPER PAYING ATTENTION

TO WHAT YOU JUST SAID THAT WE'LL BE DOING,

BUT I WILL GIVE 110%!

WELL, AS SOON AS YOU REPEAT YOURSELF

IN A MORE INTERESTING WAY.

- HEY, BEN. - HEY, WHAT'S UP?

- NOTHING MUCH. SINCE I'M HERE, I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW

THAT MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPE IS MY MOM.

WHAT? WHAT? WHY?

- ALSO, SHE CAN BE CRUEL AND DIFFICULT,

AND SHE MAKES SNAP JUDGMENTS ABOUT PEOPLE

THAT SHE HOLDS ON TO FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

AND SHE'S KIND OF A BULLY.

OKAY! GO IN THERE. YOU'RE GONNA BE GREAT.

both: - OH, GOD. OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD. I'M SORRY. HERE. SORRY!

HELLO.

I'M MR. BEN WYATT. -

LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT SOME SHIRT ON YOUR COFFEE.

- YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?

I SPILLED IT, BUT YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES.

FUN ANECDOTE.

THE COUNTY SCHOOL DISTRICT

NEEDS FOUR NEW SCHOOL BUSES.

I'M BEING STONEWALLED BY THE BOARD,

AND I'M HOPING YOUR OFFICE CAN HELP US OUT.

OKAY.

REALLY? THAT'S IT?

- YEAH. ACTUALLY, NO. IT--

IT'S PROBABLY NOT POSSIBLE.

THEN I'M CONFUSED, BEN,

BECAUSE YOU JUST TOLD ME IT WAS.

FIVE SECONDS AGO.

- I GOT A SECOND BOX OF DONUTS, IF ANYBODY--

WHAT THE IS THIS?

- THIS, MR. DIRECTOR, IS YOUR NEW DESK.

OKAY...

THIS DESK IS THE EPITOME

OF THE SWEDISH CONCEPT OF JAMSTALLDHET,

OR "EQUALITY."

IMAGINE SOMEONE NEEDS YOUR ATTENTION.

SOMEBODY SAY MY NAME. - CHRIS.

SWIVEL!

WHAT IS IT, JERRY?

- YOU TOLD ME TO SAY YOUR NAME.

- AND YOU DID A GREAT JOB, SUPERSTAR.

SOMEONE ELSE SAY SOMETHING.

YOU LOOK LIKE A FREAK.

SWIVEL!

APRIL, THAT IS NOT A VERY GOOD ATTITUDE.

I WILL KEEP MY EYE ON YOU

FROM MY CIRCULAR DESK WHERE I CAN SEE EVERYTHING.

TINY SWIVEL. SEE HOW IT WORKS?

WHAT ABOUT MY OFFICE

AND ITS MANY WALLS?

- THAT BECOMES A NEW PUBLIC WAITING ROOM.

AND WE GOT RID OF THAT GIANT PILLAR

THAT WAS IN FRONT OF YOUR DOOR.

I LOVED THAT PILLAR.

IT MADE IT REALLY ANNOYING TO STAND IN MY DOORWAY.

- WELL, GET OVER IT! 'CAUSE IT'S GONE.

YOU'RE GONNA BE MORE ACCESSIBLE THAN EVER.

- THE FOURTH FLOOR-- SMALL CLAIMS COURT,

DIVORCE FILINGS, STATE-ORDERED DRUG TESTS.

IT'S SOMEHOW BOTH FREEZING AND HUMID.

THERE'S A WHOLE ROOM ON THE FOURTH FLOOR

WHERE THEY STORE THE KNIVES THEY'VE CONFISCATED FROM PEOPLE

WHO WENT TO THE FOURTH FLOOR TO STAB SOMEONE.

- YOU FROM PARKS AND REC? - YEAH.

I'M HERE TO SHOW YOU AROUND.

- OH, NICE TO MEET YOU, MA'AM. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- ETHEL BEAVERS. FOLLOW ME.

OKAY, THIS IS YOU.

- WHOA!

DOUBLE COMPUTERS?

I GET MY OWN OFFICE PHONE.

HELLO, WALL STREET.

BUY MORE STOCKS. NOW.