Libre Et Assoupi - Nice And Easy (Libre et assoupi)

It's weird because usually I hate reality.

It's gloomy.

Reality is boring.

But right now I need it.

As imagination and fantasy peak, I need reality.

I can't do it thinking of a stranger.

When I masturbate, I need a slight chance

that my erotic fantasy might actually come true.

That's my thing.

To think I could sleep with the girl.

All the women I honor are women I know.

No actresses or models that I stand no chance of meeting.

Among them, you find women like Vanessa...

Samia... Virginie... Lou, Virginie's sister...

Amel...

Mrs. Hénin, Ludovic Hénin's mom.

I was at high school with Ludovic.

I honored Mrs. Hénin for ages after.

When I thought of her, I used a sort of mental ageing software.

I'd age her a little, making sure she stayed hot.

I gave her up a year ago

on realizing that if I jerked off to Ludovic's mom,

some pals must do it thinking about my mom.

That left me limp.

Anyhow, when I watch porn videos,

I link the girl in them to someone I know.

That's how I can define the actress of my masturbatory script.

I watch the whole video, I memorize the girl's physique

then add the face of a girl I know and honor her.

Thinking of someone while I do it is a form of tribute.

It's my way of awarding her a medal.

Got it.

I'm on the right, telling Bruno about a passion of mine.

You'll meet Bruno later.

But first, my love of masturbation.

You'll realize it's a tricky subject.

I'll talk about it now so I won't need to later.

You're leaping to the conclusion that I'm a jerk-off.

Not at all.

I just prefer dreaming life to living it.

So let's get started.

My name's Sébastien. I'm 29

and the two words that define me are...

Nice and easy

Success doesn't interest me. I'm not the ambitious type.

All I've ever wanted to do is nothing.

Just be happy. At peace and left in peace.

We sleep a third of our lives. But, at 29, I'm way over the average.

Lying down is one of my passions. I love stretching out.

That's my ambition.

Be a stretched-out person at peace.

The most important thing in my life: the bed.

As I lie down so much, here's my usual view:

the ceiling.

My old beds...

The one I was born in...

My name's Sébastien Morin

My crib...

I loved that one. It was like being in a starship.

My favorite ceiling...

My first big bed...

Sébastien, get up. It's midday.

The hospital where I had my appendix out.

Unpleasant memory but pretty ceiling.

Marie, the nurse... She's still in my catalogue.

Each time, my fantasy begins with her saying...

Sébastien, I'm going to shave your groin.

Don't worry, it won't hurt.

Sébastien, get up. It's 12:30.

My university dorm bed. The ugliest

but where I first made love.

Sébastien, it's 1 PM. Get up now!

Have you made your mind up? What'll you do in September?

Nothing.

Meaning?

I'll take some time to think.

A sabbatical year or two.

Time to think?

But it's time to make a start in life.

10 years of university must lead somewhere!

No job really interests me.

Instead of just anything, I'll stay here.

And take my time.

- You'll do nothing with your life? - I hate that cliché.

You're defined by what you do, not by who you are?

If you do nothing, you're nothing.

Aren't you a bit old for the angry teen act?

Your theory's all well and good

but in the real world you need a job.

There's no job I like.

Work isn't pleasure. It'd be called leisure if it was.

How'll you live without a job?

Well, since I'm the fruit of your loins...

you could help me.

Right.

We'll help you, of course.

Then Mom said it was for my own good and that I'd thank them one day.

Those two ideas mean trouble.

It's tough but I'm glad you're here.

Brittany is nice but Paris is where things happen.

I want nothing to happen.

- Known each other long? - Three years.

We did our master's together.

- You dated? - No.

Sébastien never hit on me, even for fun. No innuendos...

- Are you together? - No!

Bruno and I are just roommates.

Sex would complicate things.

But a couple is two roommates who have sex.

Who are in love.

Of course. Love...

This is my room.

With my desk where I work.

Very pretty. It smells nice too.

This is my room...

It needs airing.

A lot.

It needs airing a lot.

Bathroom.

The toilet.

One rule: no more than 15 minutes at a time.

OK?

The bathroom too.

I'm a girl, I need more time in there.

The can's a guy's bathroom.

We need more time.

I don't know what secret bond links guys to the can...

I met Anna at Rennes University.

All the guys were mad about her and we became friends somehow.

Afterwards, she invited me to share a place in Paris.

A friend's dad rented it to her.

It was expensive

but I was lucky to find such a great place to live.

The key element of our cohabitation...

The fridge.

We all buy our own stuff.

- Potato chips in the fridge? - I love them cold.

But we have a kitty for cleaning products.

One last point...

No walking around nude outside your room.

The intimate stays intimate.

I forgot, ok.

You tend to forget a lot!

Shall we carry on?

Cleaning products...

I wanted a free, solitary and sleepy life

but now had to listen to rules on nudity and toilet use.

Worse, I had to hear words like "kitty".

As depressing as "No sweat",

"seeya" instead of "see you"

or "Hey, want a brew?"

- An aperitif? - Want a brew?

I have PhDs in modern and classic lit,

masters in sociology, philosophy and psychology

and degrees in English and Chinese.

- What about Art History? - That too.

Wow. You're Study Man.

I like learning.

But not working?

- Do you two work? - Yep.

Well, internships.

Intern's a real job now. There'll soon be masters in it.

It's the Western translation of Chinese kid.

Did you know that?

I'd like to be a sports journalist.

It's tough so I signed on with a job agency.

After 86 rejections, I start tomorrow.

- I told you? - No.

Hearse driver.

Isn't it hard being in a car with someone dead?

It's like taxi-driver but for customers who aren't alive.

So less of a drag.

But it must be hard to take all the grief and wailing,

the tears...

I'm used to it. Dad's Jewish.

Remember I wanted to be in publishing?

- I'm an intern in a publishing firm. - Cool.

I'm on re-editions of erotic novels and thrillers

but they're still books.

That's great!

I'm not keen on getting a job.

You have rent to pay now. You need to make a living.

Hold on, you're over 25.

Minimum benefit's your lifesaver.

Yeah...

I've never liked prunes.

- Why buy prune yogurt then? - Money back offer.

Yogurt as an aperitif?

Yeah, I like it.

Here's to your new life, Sébastien!

Cheers!

- What's up? - You sleeping ok?

Yeah, but why are you here?

I know your game, the poor kid excommunicated by his parents

turning to Anna for love.

Get this... Anna's for me, ok.

Fine. I don't care about Anna.

Not your type?

She's beautiful but it wouldn't work.

You a virgin?