Vacation

Well, ladies and gentlemen,

this is your captain, Rusty Griswold.

Hope you've enjoyed your 18-minute flight

from South Bend.

We'll be touching down

at Chicago's midway very shortly.

We'd like to thank you for flying with us today

because at Econo air, we're working hard

to win back your trust.

Harry, you mind takin' over while I hit the Lav?

Sure thing, Rusty.

Thank you very much.

Oh, and Rusty.

Mm-hmm. I wanna thank you

for goin' to bat for me last week.

I was happy to do it.

You know, just 'cause corporate says you're too old to fly,

it doesn't make it true.

If anything, you're more qualified than us younger guys.

Means a lot to me.

Sure thing.

- Oh, and Rusty. - Mm-hmm.

I wanna thank you for goin' to bat for me last week.

Yeah.

You bet.

Dad, is that the pilot?

It sure is.

He just came from the cockpit.

Whoa!

Hey there, little guy. Hi!

Is this your first time on a plane?

We were planning on driving,

but Tyler here has been beggin' us

to go on his first airplane.

Oh, is that right? Uh-huh.

Do you think I can be a pilot when I grow up?

Yeah, well, I don't see why not.

You just have to study hard

and listen to your parents, all right?

Whoa! Oh.

O-Okay.

Sorry about that.

Little bit of rough air.

It's okay. Right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, don't, uh, don't worry about it.

Hey. We call that "turbulence," all right?

That's when the plane...

Oh!

Oh, so sorry.

Okay. You folks enjoy the rest of your flight.

Let me give you a hand.

Can you please stay the fuck away from us?!

Harry! You took us up to 60,000 feet!

What're you doing?!

Oh, Rusty.

I wanna thank you for goin' to bat for me last week.

Or the time that pan continental

put us up at the Ritz in Barcelona.

You know, I'll tell ya one thing about the Spanish women...

They, uh, they love them some airline pilots.

They do!

I never took the uniform off except when I did.

Ladies.

All full. You're gonna have to wait for the next one.

But I was... You were what?

I'll catch the next one.

See ya around, Econo air.

It's the third time this month. I know.

You have to do something about him. I will.

He's always picking on me. I know he is.

I'm so sorry, honey. Hey.

Hey. Hi.

What's going on here? Oh, you'll see.

Kevin! Get down here, please.

Look what Kevin did to my guitar.

Aw. Not again.

God. You told Mom and Dad?

You have such a vagina.

Okay, enough. Enough.

Now, young man, we talked about

the bullying of your older brother.

That's right. We don't make fun of someone

just 'cause they're a little different from us.

D... I don't have a vagina!

I'm just saying that even if you did,

it wouldn't be okay for Kevin to tease you about your vagina.

No! Why are you making it sound like I have a vagina?!

I know you don't have a vagina. I'm not doing that.

Kevin, apologize to your brother, please.

Fine. I'm sorry.

Now, go to your room.

I was in my fucking room.

Whoa. Hey, Kevin? Get back down here.

Now listen.

There are a lot of boys who are born with vaginas.

It's very hard for them.

Honey. Hmm?

W-why?

It's a teachable Moment, hon.

Gender fluidity, right?

It's a very serious issue.

I'm not gender-fluid.

It doesn't matter if you are.

The point is, your Mom and I would love you

even if you were completely blank down there.

Okay, that's not... This is not the point.

This... none... Kevin? Just go to your room.

Hey, James, don't get your gender fluid on me.

- Awesome. - Stop!

It's not a fluid!

And what about my guitar?

It... It's ruined.

Let me have a look.

Here ya go. That'll do for now.

Now get washed up.

The Petersons are coming over for dinner.

Mwah.

Okay, baby.

Oh, gosh.

I'll get you a new guitar. Okay?

Oh, use the vitamix. Just grind it up.

The dry bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sheila.

So do you have to work tomorrow?

So, um, S-Sheila.

'Cause I want to go to the movies with my friends.

Sheila.

What?

Do you like school this year?

It's okay.

"So, do you like school this year?"

That's seriously what you sound like.

Just shut up.

God, I'm tellin' you, Russ,

you've gotta get

one of these Go-Kart Kits.

What? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gary and I spent

the last two months building this thing.

We took her out this morning for the first time.

Holy moly.

Fun?

No, no, it was terrible.

Oh, yeah, it was fun!

Hot damn! It's a Go-Kart.

G-Man, get over here.

G-Man, G-Man, G-Man, G-Man, G-Man. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Oh, my God, my G-Man.

I love him.

Get in there. What? Oh, I didn't...

What? What? What?

Get in there. Get in there. Get in there.

Get in there. Blblblblbl!

Oh, man! I love you so much.

Oh. Oh, tell Mr. Griswold how dope our Go-Kart is.

It's got a Zanardi chassis

and a four-stroke Briggs & Stratton engine.

Wow. And you guys built this together? Yep.

We worked on it every day after homework and toothbrushin'.

I love... get over here. Get over here, man.

Aah! Aah!

Work it, sugar Ray.

Come on, sugar Ray. Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!

He's workin' me over.

I'm gonna eat your face!

Kevin, James, get over here!

No.

Come on.

Oh! Oh! There you are!

Ow. Ow.

Whoa-ho! Dad, stop.

Come on, man. What are you doing?

Come on. We're sparring. We do this all the time.

- No. We never do this. - Come on.

Mnh. Ow. Hey! Don't... don't hit your old man.

I don't wanna be a part of this.

Whoa!

D... what are you doing? Aah! Aah! Aah!

This is how accidents happen. Sacrifice!

Aah! Dad!

Let go of me. Stop! Why did you do that?

I'm sorry, man.

Come on. I was just foolin' around.

That wasn't fun. Like we always do.

We never do that. Hey.

What do you say you and I build a Go-Kart together?

If we have to.

Yeah! All right!

G-Man! Get outta here.

Get outta here, G-Man!

D-Did you just steal my son's nickname?

I'm not sure about... Oh, shoot.

Oh. Dang it.

Wow. Your ring is getting loose, there, Deb.

Mm. Yeah. Are you losin' weight?

Yeah. I am. You know what I've been doing?

Spinning.

Yeah. It's a... It's a great stress reliever.

Now, I'm gonna tell you what's an even greater stress reliever.