Extended Family

What's the damage?

It's on the house.

- Oh, Dad, I know business has been slow--

$4.50.

Keep the change.

50¢?

That's your tip?

- Well, yeah, that's, like, 15%.

It's 11%.

I'm glad I'm not stripping for you.

I'd have to go home with change in my panties.

Warmer.

Big tipper here! We got a big tipper!

* It's true *

* The marriage that we once had now is through *

* And now we're doing all that we can do *

* To keep us all together as a crew *

* Just do as we say, not as we do *

* We really thought that we were done *

* But we've just begun *

- And that's 14 losses in a row

for the Boston Celtics, a terrible losing streak.

Trey Taylor, upset on the sideline.

Poor Trey.

- Forget Trey. Look around!

This losing streak is bad for my business.

- Maybe if you had a TV that was made this century.

Who can afford a new TV?

I'm thinking about selling the one I got.

- Whoa, Dad, no one's gonna buy that old TV.

Hey, before you go.

It's 50 bucks.

Small dent, but it's something.

- Oh, Dad, please, that-- that money wasn't a loan.

It was a gift. I don't need it back.

- Oh! You don't need three grand, Rockefeller?

Must be nice.

I've never been in debt in my life,

and it's weighing on me. Just take it.

You sold your blood?

- I donated, and they gave me money.

- When you donate something and they give you money,

that's called selling something.

- What else am I gonna do with my blood?

It's just swishing around in my arteries, doing nothing.

- I'm not taking your literal blood money.

- Take it. I wish my body made it faster,

but I can get you more next week.

Things will turn around.

I-if there's anything I can do, just say the word.

Now that you mention it,

I need Trey to do me a favor.

- Dad, we can't ask Trey for money.

I'm not asking for money.

I need him to send a player over here

for a meet and greet.

You said, "Say the word."

- Yeah, but I can't start asking Trey for favors.

- You just now said, "Say the word."

- I should have excluded the words

"Trey," "favor," and "ask."

It'd be good for him too.

He sends a player over, it creates community goodwill.

It's a win-win.

I'd ask him myself, but I can't go hat in hand.

- But it's okay for me to go hat in hand?

It's not you asking.

I'm asking.

Just put the words in your mouth,

you go over there, open your mouth,

the words come out, and they're from me.

- Let me think about it. I don't like

mixing family with...family.

Hey, wait.

That's 3 bucks towards the next 50.

Grace, dinner's here!

You're sure you won't stay for a slice?

- Yeah, Dad, you can have some of mine.

- Mm, thanks, but Dad's watching his tummy,

and I'd rather not watch it explode.

- Mom, I just beat these two at Monopoly so bad.

At one point, Dad had to borrow money from me

so he could pay me rent. - What?

- Yes, your daughter's quite the loan shark.

The vig is 20%.

She now owns my blue cashmere sweater.

So soft.

- When I couldn't pay rent on Marvin Gardens,

she made me bark like a dog.

Please be kind to each other.

- She's not the person you think she is.

Yes, I am.

Sit, Jimmy. Sit.

So how's Trey holding up?

How do you mean?

- Well, Celtics are in the toilet,

and you consoling him has become a meme.

He's fine.

You know, but when he gets here,

let's try not to mention the team, okay?

You know, don't say "Celtics,"

"basketball," "basket," or "ball."

Don't say "lose," "lost," "losing," or "loss."

Don't say "dog," "wallet," "keys," or "virginity"--

anything he's lost.

And don't give him any advice.

- The coach has gotta work on basic skills with them.

Shooting drills, passing drills, and conditioning.

- Thank you, Jimmy, but they're all pretty fit.

- Hey, why don't you just get all-new players?

- I'll give that some thought, Grace.

- Why don't you two be kind, go in the living room,

be kind, finish your pizza, be kind.

Hey, hon. - Hi, baby.

- B-T-dubs, loving that beard, bro.

- Thanks, homeslice. Um...

but it's not for style.

It's for good juju.

So no shaving

until we snap this losing streak.

- I wouldn't get too worried about it.

All teams have unlucky stretches.

- And I've been praying every night

that things will turn around.

Yeah, well, pray extra hard,

because Boston's not happy.

Today, I walked into Dunkin' Donuts,

and they just said, "Nope."

- That shirt is really good on you.

What do you want?

Look, you know that I have

never asked you for anything before,

even though I drove you home from your colonoscopy,

which I was glad to do, you know, for you

and your colon.

Spit it out, Jim.

Okay.

Business has been slow at my dad's bar,

so he wants you to send a player down

for a meet and greet--but hey, it's a win for you too.

Dad gets a Celtic, and you get community goodwill.

Okay, it's in no way a win for you.

The truth is, last month, I threw my dad

a few grand to cover some bills.

It was a gift, not a loan,

but he insists on paying me back.

It's--it's maddening.

If we were Vikings, I would have

pushed him off a cliff a long time ago.

- Jim, I just don't have the bandwidth.

- Look, my dad has been selling his blood.

And I'm not sure how much blood he even has anymore.

- All right, I guess I could send over Yuri Kobilska.

- There's a Celtic named Kobilska?

Does he come on a roll with mustard?

He's a new guy, Slovakian.

I was gonna send him back to the G League,

but you know what, I'll keep him one more week

just for you.

For my dad.

Uh, so his name again was Yuri...

Kobilska.

Done.

- That good beard juju kicked in.

Kobilska's led us to eight straight wins.

Yet still no shaving.

- Obviously, if I shave now, we'd lose again.

I mean, that's Juju 101.

- Syracuse didn't offer a degree in juju.

Yuri, you dominated tonight--

a triple-double, including 14 assists.

- I think we played well as a team,

but all glory goes to God.

- So Yuri's coming. Dad's gonna have a big night.

It's Linsanity all over again.

- We market tested "Yur-insanity."

It looked better on paper.

* *

We messed with the juju.

Honey, I'm sorry.

I just wanted to kiss you without getting lacerations.

- Can you not see there's a causal connection

between us losing last night

and me trimming my beard to now resemble an Amish elder?

- Is that thy carriage parked outside?

Because thy horse has pooped.

It's not funny.

What's the matter with him?

- Trey thinks the Celtics lost last night

because he trimmed his beard.

The juju's been disrupted.

- Don't sweat it. It was one game.

- If I would have just left the hair on my face alone,

there was a clear path to a title.

But no, you wanted a kiss.

I think we're gonna go.

Um, come on, let's get you a donut.

I'm buying. - You're gonna have to buy.

- There's three grand. We're square.

- Wow, you're-- you're pulling in that much?