Single Parents

Welcome to Hilltop.

No! No! Pete can't stay!

Through Teachers-in-Service Day!

You know, I don't know who Pete is,

but I do know that you're embarrassing him.

Douglas, our beloved Hilltop parrot

has to stay alone at school over the three-day weekend.

It's cruel. Inhumane.

- Will you sign a petition... - No.

Did you just dismiss my 8-year-old daughter's activism?

Activism? Come on.

Don't be Lollypop Boy.

What does that eve... I'm sorry.

Am I supposed to understand that reference?

No. Honestly, it just got away from me.

- Ah. - Don't you ignore me, Rocco!

Don't be a part of the problem!

Pete shouldn't have to spend the weekend alone,

so Sophie's petitioning Vice Principal Yarble

to let us take him home with us.

Man, I am so proud of that kid's conscience.

Oh, please. You do it because it makes you look good.

- What? - The accolades.

10 bucks says that you're wearing a T-shirt

- with Sophie's face on it. - Pfft.

- Unzip the sweater. Let me help you. - I'm not going to.

- Don't touch me! It's my body! - Okay.

All right, fine, but you know damn well

my resolution was to do more silk-screening.

There you go.

This is about helping Sophie develop a strong moral compass.

And, yes, I've picked out my suit

for the Student of the Year ceremony.

Heads-up, this guy's going with maroon.

It's not a suit if it isn't black.

It's a costume.

She's the next Greta...

something.

Gosh! I wish I could remember her last name.

- She's so important. - I bet.

Will Cooper.

Vice Principal Yarble! How are you?

Terrible.

I was taking a cat nap when your daughter's screams awakened me.

Make her stop.

Let me coast into the sweet embrace

of a three-day weekend.

I already laid out my pajamas.

Oh, she'll stop as soon as you agree

to let us take Pete home for the weekend.

Oh, no.

Then another kid will want to take him home next weekend,

and another,

and soon I'll be running some kind of check-out process.

Don't make my life harder, Will Cooper. Please, I can't take it.

Well, then, I'm sorry to say, Sophie's campaign will continue.

No! No! Pete can't stay!

That's my girl.

Greta Thunberg! Ah, that's the name. I remembered.

Now, that is a face to silk-screen.

Sophie!

Release Rocco from the headlock.

That's not how we want to get our signatures.

Rocco, sign the petition.

02x12 - Welcome to the Hilltop!

And then Pronstroller was all, like,

"Should we just do the damn thing?"

And I was all, like, "Uh, yeah."

And then, bam. Exclusive relationship, wassup?

Happy for you.

And thank you for walking me through

all the physical acts preceding that conversation.

You're welcome.

But, yo, I think I'm in love.

I gave her one of my hats.

Wow. Now, hat's a big deal.

Mnh-mnh. Don't do that.

I was being open and vulnerable with you right now.

Oh, there she is.

She's coming to pick me up. Total girlfriend move!

Mm.

- We enjoy long hugs. - That's hot as hell.

Just got an earful of Miggy love.

Can we talk about anything else?

Let's see, not much going on with me.

I finally tried a Baked Lay. Don't know who those are for.

Mnh.

Poppy!

Oh. Here we go.

Ooh, isn't that Ron's new piece?

His wife, Angie.

Her name's Sharon. You were at her wedding.

You took a million pics together.

- Geez. My memory is garbagio. - Hey, Poppy!

What's poppin', Poppy? What's poppin'?

Okay, we can just start talking, Sharon.

I'm assuming you're here because Ron did something stupid.

Is the accent back?

Oh, no wine for me, uh, because, big news...

we're pregnant!

Get in here. Touch it.

- Mm. - Kiss it.

Say your name to it so it knows who you are.

Wow-eee! Poppy, did you hear that news?

- Yes, Angela, I heard. - And we're happy?

I'm just trying to follow your lead here.

Congratulations, Sharon.

Gonna go neutral. Got it.

Oh, Poppy, you should come with me to my ultrasound today.

I'm gonna find out the sex.

Ooh! Wow! Oh, God, this is a tough one.

I already, uh, promised Angie

that I would hang out with her today.

She's having, uh, gastrointestinal problems.

Yeah, it's just flowing through her.

She's wearing a diaper right now.

Come on, man.

Yeah, it's true.

My doc says that my butt tubes are all out of whack.

Sucks.

Oh. Gross.

Well, next time, then?

Maybe. You know what? So sorry. We have to go.

Yeah, I can tell by Angie's face she's in great distress.

- Oh. - Okay.

Yeah.

Okay, that was big news, and I am here for you,

but we have to discuss why every on-the-fly excuse

- involves me dropping heat in my pants. - Copy that.

Ugh. How am I getting worse?

- Welcome to Hilltop. - Thanks, Pete.

Wait, what?

Sophie Cooper, did you steal that bird?

I saved him.

You told me my moral compass would never steer me wrong.

Oh, boy. That does sound like me.

We'll give Pete a great weekend

and then bring him back before school starts.

I know stealing is wrong, but in this case,

I really believe it's the right thing to do.

Okay, wow. I raised a remarkable young woman.

Great dad!

Did you just say "great dad" to yourself?

- Sorry, what? - Welcome to Hilltop.

Okay. Pete can stay.

It is such a bummer they keep him cooped up.

Poor guy's probably never even flown before.

Pete, it's just you and me now.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Welcome to Hilltop.

That was wild back there, huh?

You know what? I'm gonna be here for you.

Today, I'm Poppy.

Okay, so, your ex-husband is having a baby.

Talk to me. How do you feel?

Honestly? Weird.

I mean, she invited me to her ultrasound, Ang.

I didn't knock her up. Why is it my damn problem?

- It's not! - You know what I think?

It's a generational thing. Sharon's 23.

The youth today have no concept of boundaries.

Millennials. God! I hate them!

No respect.

It's like, this is a society.

We have rules for a reason.

Ma'am, you have to pay for that.

Ang, you know we're Millennials, too, right?

Yeah, but you get it.

Mm. Yeah, anyway, back to Sharon.

What's next? She wants me present for the actual birth?

Gosh. I'm gonna wrap my legs around her,

"Handmaid's Tale" -style?

Uch, hate that show.

I've never seen it.

Hold up. Is that...?

Miggy's girlfriend with a man that's not Miggy.

A smokin'-hot man.

This is s-so messed!

Just today, he was telling me they're exclusive.

- See? - Uh-huh.

- See? - Uh-huh.

- See? - Uh-huh.

- See?! - Uh-huh!

- This is exactly what I was talking about. - Exactly!

We're not gonna let her burn Miggy like this.

- In fact, we're gonna follow them. - Yeah.

- Catch them in the act. - Okay.

- Mm-hmm. - So, just to be clear,

you want to deal with Sharon's pregnancy by...

- tailing Miggy's girlfriend? - You bet your ass I do.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Because I am done letting this over-sharing, milk-hating,

rotary-phone-not-remembering generation get away with it!

You in?

- Let's ride. - All right.

Hey, for the cookies.

And whatever else my friend stole while she was here.

This is it, Pete,

the moment you've been denied your whole life.

It's time to fly!