Ted Lasso

Oh, boy.

Morning, fellas. Sorry I'm late.

Just needed to clear my head so I decided to, you know, walk to work.

Turns out that clearing and walking in a town you don't know all too well

can be a little tricky.

Ended up getting lost but, you know, then I got unlost,

then I got lost again but...

Well, you know, now I'm here, you know. Beard's here, Nate's here, which is great

because the world can be a sad, lonely place, but--

Hey, come on now, let's get to work, shall we?

Michelle.

Which is fine.

You know, it's okay, 'cause it's a great time now for me to,

you know, bury myself in my work here.

And so-- Although, I'm not crazy--

I don't love the word "bury," you know what I mean?

It's just got a negative connotation to it, don't it?

What's another word I could say?

Everyone loves a good bath, right? Just a nice warm bath, right? Yeah?

So that's what I'll say. I'll say, "I'm gonna bathe myself in work."

How 'bout that? That's good. That's good.

Nate, you got a favorite bath bomb, buddy?

No, I just don't really enjoy baths, just 'cause my skin gets really wrinkly,

and I'm deeply worried about aging.

Okay, I get that. What about you, Coach? You got a favorite bath bomb?

Crème brûlée honey.

Honey? Is that an ingredient or something you just called me?

-Ingredient. -Shoot.

I was hoping it was the other one. But that's kind of a fun idea.

Maybe we start calling each other little pet names.

You know? Like "honey" or "babe," you know?

It might be nice, right? What do you think, Coach?

Nate, will you do me a favor here?

Will you just help Coach plan practice for today?

-Absolutely. Yeah. -All right. Thank you, sweetie.

Okay, I'll see y'all in a little bit.

-Is he all right? -No.

All right. Shall we? Sarah, why don't you lead us off?

So, Coach Lasso. You finally won your first match.

How's it feel?

Well, Sarah, I believe you can outscore your opponent and still lose.

Just like you can score less than them and win.

But last week we definitely won, which is pretty darn fun.

All right, next question.

Trent Crimm, The Independent.

Trent Crimm, The Independent.

Is it safe to assume that Jamie Tartt will be back on the pitch next match?

Well, you know what they say when you assume, Trent?

You make an arse outta you and me. Yeah?

And that right there is another example

of how our English and y'all's English sometimes do not jive, innit?

But are you honestly gonna keep your best player on the bench?

Well, that depends on Jamie. He knows what we need from him.

Let's keep it going, yeah? Kip, come on, hit me.

-Ted. Just the man I wanted to see. -Hey, boss.

Your decision to bench Jamie Tartt was very brave.

-Thank you. -I mean, a masterstroke.

I don't think we're allowed to talk like that at work anymore.

There's just one complication now.

Manchester City have called,

and they've inquired about terminating Jamie's loan.

-They're gonna take his house? -No.

Ted, Jamie's contract is owned by Manchester City,

and they, in turn, loaned him to Richmond for the season.

Okay. I get it.

They want Jamie back if you are planning to bench him.

I'm not planning on that. No, my plan is for my plan to work.

But you know what they say about the best-laid plans, right?

Said "plan" too many times. Word's lost all its meaning now.

Plan. Plan. Plan. Doesn't matter.

Hey, you tell Man City that this man has a plan.

-Plan. Plan. Plan? -Plan.

-Plan? -Not plan.

-Plan. -Plan.

-Plan. -Like "flan." Plan.

Flan? That dessert?

Yes, like "flan."

No, I don't dig on flan.

Plan. Plan.

Plan. Plan?

-Word become a sound? -What's that called again?

-Semantic satiation. -Yeah.

Okay. All right.

Is that new kid from Mexico here yet?

-He's getting treatment on his knee. -Okay, good.

-What's his name again? -Dani Rojas.

Yeah. It's a great name. Okay.

How's Jamie doing?

What?

Says he can't practice today. Says he's hurt.

Oh, boy.

Hey, Jamie.

I heard you're not gonna be able to run with us today. That true?

Yep.

Why's that?

'Cause I'm hurt.

Really sorry to hear that.

Relax, Ted. It's just practice.

Hey.

If you can't practice, you can't practice.

If you're hurt, you're hurt. It's as simple as that.

But it ain't about that... at all.

You're sitting in here. You're supposed to be the franchise player.

And yet here we are, talking about you missing practice.

We're talking about practice.

You understand me? Practice.

Not a game.

Not a game. Not the game you go out there and die for. Right?

Play every weekend like it's your last, right?

No, we're talking about practice, man.

Practice! You know you're supposed to be out there.

You know you're supposed to lead by example.

You're just shoving that all aside.

And so here we are, Jamie. We're talking about practice.

Not a game.

Not the game.

We're talking about practice, with your team. With your teammates.

The only place we get to play together, we got control over.

Rest of the time it's us 11 against those 11.

We're talking about practice, man!

I'm talking about practice! And you can't do it 'cause you're hurt.

Right?

It's fine by me.

Tell you what. Do me a favor.

When you get out there,

set up the cones so the other reserves can do a little passing drill.

-You want me to set up cones? -I really appreciate it.

-Colin, go set the cones up. -I think he asked you, mate.

Was I talking to you, big man?

Colin, set up the cones.

Isaac's right. He asked you. You are a second-teamer.

That's gotta sting.

Cheers.

I must say, it's quite nice seeing Jamie put in his place for once.

-Thrilling even, innit? -No, no, no.

This is a no schadenfreude zone, all right?

-Nein schadenfreude. -All right.

The new kid, what's his-- Dani what?

-Rojas. -Rojas, yeah. Is he any good?

Came here in the summer transfer window, was immediately injured,

-so no one's really seen him play. -That's okay.

You know, 'cause once Jamie sees someone else playing his position,

you know... I mean, it's gonna hurt his soul.

I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be happy about that.

Okay, let's be sure to help Dani get acclimated, all right?

First time in this league can be very overwhelming.

Dani Rojas, Rojas! Dani Rojas!

Rojas, Dani Rojas! Rojas, Rojas, Rojas!

Hey! Hello, coaches.

-Thank you for the opportunity. -Yeah. You are a spirited fella, Dani.

Just go on out there, and get the striker spot for us, okay?

Yes! Just like back in Guadalajara, you say it, I do it, Coach.

Football is life!

I like him.

Jamie doesn't.

Chipper dickheads like that can never back it up on the pitch.

Beautiful cross, Sam!

Football is life!

Oh, boy.

Did you see that?

I can't really tell, but it seems like he's very good.

Cheers, again.

And some unemployed gaffers are asking if we'll have an opening soon.

Tony Pulis. Alan Curbishley. Harry Redknapp called three times.

Hi. I've been up all night doing deep dives on all the players.

Did you know that Richard was raised on a goat farm?

And that Isaac's mother has two left hands?

And I called a couple of contacts about some sponsorship opportunities.

Even got myself a little work planner.

You couldn't get one without the word "unicorn" written on it?

Fuck off. It's adorable.

Sorry, I couldn't help but think how you'd react if I told you to F off.

-That'll be all, Higgins. -Of course.

I'm really glad to see that you're laughing.

I just came by to see if you're okay, really.

Why wouldn't I be?

Oh, Christ. Have you not seen the news yet?

I really wanted to be the one to comfort you, not to break it to you.

So, you remember that stunning girl, Bex?

The one that Rupert left with the night of the gala?

Do you really want me to pretend that she wasn't mad fit?

I'd appreciate it.

Okay, well. That hideous cow, whose name's Bex,

-which is actually short for... -Rebecca.

Yep, which is also your name, as you know.

So the press is calling her--

"New Rebecca." Shit.

Nope.

The press is calling her "Rebecca," and you're...

"Old Rebecca."

-What? -Old Rebecca.

Old Rebecca?

Don't worry about it. You've got this.

And if you ever have a moment,

or if you don't got this, then you just call me, right?

Wow! That was on purpose, yes?

Yeah. Look, mate.

You're good, yeah, but up here,

there's a difference between good and great.

1-1. Your turn, amigo.