A Holiday Boyfriend

¶ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ¶

¶ La, la, la, la, la ¶

¶ La, la, la, la ¶

¶ 'Tis the season to be jolly ¶

¶ Fa, la, la, la, la ¶

¶ La, la, la, la ¶

¶ Don we now our gay apparel ¶

¶ Fa, la, la, la, la, la ¶

¶ La, la, la ¶

¶ Troll the ancient yuletide carol ¶

¶ Fa, la, la, la, la ¶

¶ La, la, la, la ¶

- Could I get a Whiskey knee please?

Thank you.

Anyone sitting here?

No.

Great.

Thank you sir.

What's your name?

Katie.

Nice to meet you, I'm Johnny.

What's the matter?

You worried Santa didn't get your letter this year?

Oh no, you just found out you're on the

naughty list, didn't you?

Don't worry, you get used to it.

That's better, a little smile.

So, what seems to be the real problem?

- My boyfriend is planning to leave me.

- Oh, and he told you this?

No.

So, how do you know?

- Because he's done it before.

- And you took him back?

Every time.

- So he's done it more than once?

Three times?

Wow!

And you're still with this guy, huh?

Yup.

- Katie, Katie, Katie, do you not know

how beautiful you are?

Have you ever loved someone

so much that it felt like you loved them before?

Been with them before?

Like in another life.

I have never loved anyone the way that I love this guy.

It's completely debilitating.

Wow.

So how long have you two been together?

- Well if you take all the time that we've been together

and you subtract all the time that we've been broken up,

about three years.

Oh.

That's pretty serious huh?

I thought so.

- Well look, any guy who would break up

with his girl this close to Christmas

is a complete douche.

But you should forget about this guy

and just come dance with me.

What do you say?

I can't.

- Oh come on, I'll help you forget all about him.

Sorry.

Okay.

Have a good night.

What are you doing?

You're not gonna like this.

I'm leaving.

Now?

Yeah.

- You know Michael, someone just told me

that only a real douche would break up

with someone this close to Christmas.

Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry.

- You know what, it doesn't even matter.

It's not like you were planning to come

home with me for Christmas anyway.

Katie, I just...

It doesn't feel right anymore.

We don't feel right.

- That's because you never really committed.

How can it feel right when you always

have one foot out the door!

Look, I'm sorry.

I do love you, okay?

So what?

Your love comes and goes like the weather!

It can't withstand even the smallest discomfort!

What good is love like that!

Look, I'm sorry okay!

I really do love you,

but I can't.

I don't care.

You know what, just go.

Go!

And don't you ever come back!

Don't call me, don't text me,

don't email me, don't run into me,

don't even think about me!

Just go and don't come back ever!

Hello!

Katie!

Are you here?

Katie!

Hello!

Ooh.

Boy.

Hey.

How's ya doing?

Awesome.

Yeah?

It looks like it.

Is there anything I can do?

No.

- Do you want me to scratch his car

or his eyes out?

Yes please.

Done.

- Valerie, when did I become one of those pathetic girls?

You know, the ones who cry over a guy

who's dumped them over and over and over again?

It's only been a week.

Give yourself some time.

It's the fourth time!

So?

What, it shouldn't hurt?

No, it shouldn't hurt.

I mean, what did I expect?

That time would be different?

That this time he'd be there for me?

And I keep telling myself, "Katie,

"you deserve someone who loves you

"and who wants to be with you.

"This guys has done you a favor."

And you know what, I know I'm right.

But it doesn't matter.

Because I still miss him.

I miss the way that he would roll over

and tell me that he loved me in the middle of the night.

And I miss his arms around me

and the way he smelled.

My whole body hurts with missing him.

I know.

I'm so sorry.

And it's not just him.

You know, it's the whole life that we had planned together.

You know, the house, and the kids,

and the places that we would go.

And now I have to start over.

I have to date.

- At least you can go home for the holidays.

You've got your family.

Oh yeah, those people.

Won't that be lovely?

I get to go home all alone, again.

Another failed relationship under my belt.

- Your family doesn't care about that.

No.

No they don't.

Those people with their perfect houses

and spouses and cars and kids.

They make me feel bad about myself

just by being who they are.

What are you talking about?

Katie, your life is perfect!

No.

- You're successful, you've got a great place,

you got the greatest best friend

anyone could ask for, I mean,

your family should be jealous of your life for that alone.

That's true.

Thank you.

- How can a man tell you that he loves you

and then leave?

I don't know.

I won't leave, I'll stay with you.

("Away In A Manger" instrumental)

Good morning Charlie.

Oh, how are you?

Hi baby.

How are you?

Sorry I haven't been here for a few days.

Did you miss me?

No, you were fed so you're fine?

Water looks good.

All dirty.

You'll be happy to know Michael and I broke up again.

So, you are the only man in my life.

Once again.

Gonna be gone for a few days.

I have to go home.

Because the only thing worse

than going home for Christmas alone,

would be not going home at all, so.

But Cindy's gonna be here.

She's gonna walk you every day, okay?

Okay?

So don't worry.