Winners & Losers

(OVER PHONE) Hello. Hey, honey.

Jonathan. Come in here, please.

Doug, when you get this, can you give me a call?

So bizarre.

Bec, you need to answer your phone.

Have you seen this?

Have you? Oh, my God.

What are we gonna do?

How are you feeling about the reunion?

Uh... not sure.

It could be fun, I guess.

What did Jenny say about it?

I haven't talked to her about it yet.

Seriously? She hasn't called?

About a million times.

But I wanted to talk it through with you first.

Jenny'll do whatever you do. She always does.

No, she doesn't. Not all the time.

She'll do her Scrappy-Doo thing.

"Should we go back? Should we? Huh? Huh?"

Oh, I didn't even realise it's been 10 years since we left school.

How old am I? Totally ancient.

So are you going?

Dunno. Maybe.

Why put yourself through it?

Well, you went to your reunion.

Yeah, but I didn't cop the sort of crap you did.

It wasn't all bad.

Hiding out in the toilets every day, hanging with the losers.

We're 10 years older now. They won't cal us that.

Maybe they're 10 years bitchier too.

Don't tell me you haven't been thinking about that.

Hi, Mum. Hi.

I think there's something wrong with Bec's phone.

Tea's nearly on the table.

Oh, my God. I thought you were dead.

I've been calling you all day.

Sorry. Work was full-on. I had my phone off.

Liar. Did you get the invitation?

Yes.

"Tiffany Turner has invited you to this event."

Doesn't it make you want to vomit?

As if Tiffany Slutface wants us there anyway.

You gonna go? I don't know. Only if you go.

Do you think we should, Bec? Should we? Huh?

Is it really worth the hassle?

It's not like I'm exactly desperate to see Tiffany again.

Well, we've got as much right as anyone to go.

It's our reunion too.

True.

This decision would be a whole lot easier if Tiffany had gotten fat.

Bridget! Jenny, I'm dishing up.

I'll come over. We can talk. No, J...

Beautiful, Trish.

I'm not eating. I have to lose weight before this reunion.

Oh, there's enough anorexics in the world without you adding to them.

Sit. Mum, I'm serious.

If I'm gonna go to this thing, I've gotta look hot.

Shut up, Patrick.

You look perfect the way you are.

You're my dad. You have to say that.

You don't have anything to prove to those girls.

Nasty things.

Bridget! I'm in the loo!

Do you want me to put dinner in the oven or is it a quick one?

Oven!

That girl needs more fibre.

You'll come home bawling, same as you always did.

Patrick!

If any of them start up the way they used to,

I'll march right down there and give 'em a good kick up the Holeproofs.

You don't have to go, love.

Bec really wants to, I can tell. Why would she?

Betcha they talk about that time she blew the school bus driver.

Hey! I didn't hear that.

She did not. Tiffany made that whole thing up.

Well, at least you won't be the only one there without a boyfriend.

Your lezzo mate won't have one. Shut up, Patrick.

I'm just saying! That is enough, Patrick.

Frances was not gay, moron.

Could've fooled me. No, she wasn't.

She was just big-boned.

Frank the Lemon? Yeah, look.

"Hi, Frank. It's Tiffany here."

The only reason that there's a personal message,

it's so that she could get that in again.

She's a sweetie, isn't she?

She told everyone I was a lesbian. You?

Thank you.

Who said extraterrestrials don't exist?

She's housing two pod people on her chest!

You're hardly her intended audience, Jonathan.

Just because I don't want to eat the meal

doesn't mean I can't have an opinion on the food.

"Frances James is tagged in a photo."

No, no, no, no! No.

I can't believe you made it out alive.

Poor Dad. How was he supposed to know you don't do socks and sandals?

Well, I think you should go. Oh, come on.

How many of these bogans will have achieved as much as you have?

It doesn't matter how many letters I have after my name,

it's the 'MRS' in front of it that counts.

No-one will give you a hard time

if you stand next to Dumpling all night.

Sorry.

Was she one of your friends?

Sophie Wong.

They made her life a living hell.

They used to call her 'So Wong'.

'So Wong'.

She was such a sweetie.

We were nicknamed 'the losers'.

No way.

Yeah. I will show you.

See? I was a blimp.

That's not you!

Yeah, it is. I swear.

That's some serious craters going on there.

Thank you. Fat and spotty.

As if that wasn't pointed out to me every single day at school,

mostly by the cow that's organising this reunion.

Dude, if I was a chick and I looked like that at high school

and now I looked like this,

there is no way I wouldn't be going.

I don't know if it's worth it just to shove it in their faces.

Your friends will be lining up to hear how you did it.

Well, if you like what you see so much,

then less talk and more action, Brad.

Brad? What?

Brad?

I've got a client downstairs in 10 minutes,

so let's make this quick, Brett.

Thank you.

If that's Jenny, she's not staying for dinner.

OK.

Seriously, she's not staying.

Oh, well. There goes the diet.

I really wasn't ignoring your calls.

Oh, I know.

Oh, before I forget,

I pinched this from Bridge.

Amazing dresses. Anyway, we can look at that later.

Now - the reunion.

We've both gotta get up at 6:00 tomorrow. We need an early night.

So are we going or not? You really wanna go?

Yes.

Well, no. Not if you don't.

I'll go if you do.

What?!

Why can't you make up your own mind?

We spent most of our time hiding out in the toilets, Jen.

Do we really need reminding why?

Hey, if I can do it, you can.

And we get to see Frances and Sophie again.

Who said they're going? Well, they have to come.

They're the only ones I really care about seeing.

Bet they don't. They couldn't get away fast enough after school.

Yeah, but not from us.

It's just Tiffany was such a toxic snake.

Yeah, but she was hot. If you're into that sort of thing.

I bet they do go. I want to see how they've changed.

I tell you what - we'll keep an eye on the acceptances, yeah?

If they go, we will too.

OK? Yep?