The Unicorn

Hello?

Caroline?

Hey there.

Oh, hey, hey.

You-you said you had a job you needed me to do?

Oh, yeah, I guess it was a little confusing.

- I am the job. - Oh.

- Yeah. - Got it.

Do ya? Because you still have your pants on.

Guess I won't be needing my... tools.

- No. - (TOOLS THUDDING) Um... okay.

- (SIGHS) - Oh, leave the pencil

behind your ear 'cause I like it.

Yes, ma'am.

- No... way. - Yeah.

- Really? - Yeah.

She just hit you up out of the blue?

- Yup. - You just skipped lunch?

Yeah.

I thought you and Caroline were a one-and-done thing.

Yeah, so did I.

Uh, it turns out that we are a four-and-not-done thing.

- Oh, man. - Wow.

So, you didn't even eat anything, huh?

You... Not even a snack?

Forrest, you're missing the point!

- Our boy is living the dream here. - Yeah.

Yeah, and I got to tell you, man... no commitment.

Mm-hmm.

- Keeping it casual. - Mm.

I'm-I'm... I'm having the time of my life.

Yeah!

- The time of my life. - Oh, man, that's so good.

Yeah.

But you should just

keep a couple protein bars in your truck.

You know, or, like, a bag of nuts, something...

He can skip lunch, okay?!

- The man's hooking up! - I know.

Look, I'm just worried his blood sugar's gonna plummet.

Then what? Look, I'm as invested in this as you are.

- (PHONE CHIMES) Okay? - Yeah.

Oh. Uh, oh, speak of the devil. This is, uh, Caroline.

- Uh-oh. - (LAUGHING): Oh.

- "U up?" - Are you...?

It's, like, 8:00. Of course you're up.

Dude!

Oh, that's a booty call.

: That's a booty call.

Shh, shh. Go to her. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Grace.

- You give me a hand? - Sure.

You've got to be kidding me!

What?

I asked you to buy me shampoo and conditioner.

- I did. - Oh, my God. No.

You bought me a two-in-one shampoo and conditioner.

Oh, come on. It's the same thing.

Oh, my God, just when I thought today could not get any worse.

Okay, all right, what's going on? Let's talk.

I'm fine. Natalie!

Stop wearing my sweaters! You always stretch them out!

How?! I'm smaller than you!

- (GRACE SCOFFS) - Okay.

What's going on with your sister?

Something happened with a boy.

What happened with a boy?

All I know is that he wore a red shirt,

and now she hates her water bottle.

Okay, that-that's not really a lot to go on.

Oh, man. Shampoo and conditioner in one?

- This is gonna save me so much time! - Exactly.

Thank you!

I just wish that

I could get Grace to tell me what's bothering her.

I'd be bothered, too, if I had to use two-in-one

- shampoo and conditioner. - Oh, come on.

I like it, Natalie likes it.

- That's a real Dad move. - (CHUCKLES)

Anyway,

I can't get her to open up to me like she did with Jill.

Would you like us to talk to her?

Would you? Yeah. That-That'd be great.

Yeah, of course. There's things

that girls just don't want to talk to their dads about.

- Mm-hmm. Bras. - Boys.

- Cramps. - Boys.

- Boys. - You know what?

- I think you're right, Michelle. - Yeah.

Yeah, very insightful, Michelle.

Welcome to the widows' group.

You're-you're new.

Yeah. I'm Judy.

Hi. I-I lost my husband in October.

- Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. - Thank you.

- I'm Wade. Uh, it's easy to remember. - Hi.

I'm the only guy here, right?

Right. So, I don't really know how this works.

- Yeah. Yeah, I know how you feel. - Yeah.

Until you showed up, I was the newbie.

Uh, here. You want to sit next to me?

- Thank you. - Yeah. Uh...

I know that it can be intimidating opening up

in front of strangers, but, um, trust me.

This group... it's a very safe space.

- Here you go, Judy. - Thank you so much.

- The good stuff. - Thanks. Yeah. Uh, cheers.

Nice to be here.

So, I did the worst thing last weekend.

- Well, what did you do? - I went golfing with my sister,

and she's really good.

But I beat her, and I was so happy

that I completely forgot it was my anniversary.

Oh. Oh.

Sounds like progress to me.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I guess so.

Especially since Edward forgot it five times when he was alive.

- (LAUGHTER) - Still,

I feel awful.

You know, not because I was sad,

but because I wasn't.

Yeah? Does that make any sense to anybody?

Yeah.

I mean, I hear what you're saying,

but you can't make a big deal out of it

every year for the rest of your life, can you?

Well, yeah, but that was my plan...

to make a big deal out of it.

So it felt funny to be

celebrating something 'cause I used

to celebrate something else...

- (PHONE BUZZING) - Oh, my God!

- Wade! - Wade!

Do you need to turn off your phone?

Uh, y-yeah, yeah, I'm...

I'm-I'm sorry. Sorry about that.

I'm gonna... It's off.

Uh, continue. Uh, where were we...

- What were we talking about? Um, I was

talking about anniversaries.

: Stop it.

- (QUIETLY): Yeah. - Stop it.

So, how's it going, Mr. Sex... Ha-Having Guy?

Wow. Killing the nicknames now.

Thank you.

Uh... it's going okay.

Uh-oh. What happened?

Did Caroline stop texting you?

No. No, no, we're still hooking up.

- Ooh. - Yeah, we did it

in an open house in Brookhaven yesterday.

- Waterbed. - Oh, that's super hot.

My parents had one of those, and...

Well, that's not...

That's not the reason that it's hot. It's unrelated.

- You talk now. - I don't know.

It's just... it's just gotten a little weird.

I'm afraid she's getting jealous.

At our widows group, I was talking

to this new woman, right? Mm-hmm.

All of a sudden,

Caroline starts sending me all these dirty texts.

- How dirty we talking here, Wade? - Yeah, yeah.

- Absolutely filthy. - Oh, wow. - Oh, let me see.

- No, no, me first. No. No, no, no, no. - No, what am I talking about?

- I know Caroline. - We're grown men. That's crazy.

- That would be inappropriate. - We don't need to see that.

- Actually, I'm not proud. - Then, again, maybe I should peek

- just to see if I should look. - I would like to see them.

Guys, I'm not gonna show you naked pictures of Caroline.

- She sent pictures? What?! - Oh, my God!

I'm a little worried.

I mean, what if she starts having feelings or something?

I don't know. I just need to talk to her.

- You're gonna screw everything up! - No! You're gonna!

What's he gonna screw up?

Caroline and the booty calls.

I'm just worried she's getting attached.

Oh, because she's a woman, she can't have casual sex

without falling in love with you?

Actually, you would be surprised

how little emotional connection a woman needs to get off.

Yeah. You see? You hear that? Wait. What?! Really?!

Guys, I hear you, but I got to make sure she's still cool.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna talk to her.

- What? No, stupid! - No.

We'll see.

- (KNOCKING) Hey, kiddo. - Hi..

- Hi. So, what's going on

in Grace's world?

Oh, nothing. Homework.

Huh.

Um... well, hey.

- Hmm? - I just had a fun idea. (LAUGHS)

Have you guys ever played Rose and Thorn?

No, but it sounds fun.

Oh, it's really fun.

Let me just get a little more...

Okay, so here's how it works.