Barry Munday

Barry, are you awake?

Honey, just relax.

Doctor says everything's gonna be just fine.

Until that day,

I couldn't imagine living for anything other than women.

You see, there's a moment that exists

at the edge of sexual success

for which there is no equal...

the addictive seconds just after uncertainty

and immediately preceding touching the gold.

It's Christmas.

It's with this in mind

that I relate the events leading to

the involuntary removal of my testicles.

Yep. Mm-

Yeah. No, that's gonna be great.

We can do that.

I don't know how you do it, Lucy.

Do what?

Look like a model.

A supermodel, actually.

A super-duper model.

Hey, I don't know what you got goin' on later,

but I was thinkin' of hittin' the happy hour

over at Chili's. Got a workout partner...

I don't date people at my workplace.

Who said date? TGIF.

Maybe not...

maybe not Chili's.

Everpea has got this really rad nacho bar.

Why don't you date people at your work?

I just don't.

You just...

You're probably right.

You're smart. It's a smart idea.

You got beauty and brains.

You guys fall in love, and then have babies.

Beautiful babies with blue eyes.

TGIF.

All right. What's up, Denise?

- Hey, you don't like nachos? - Mm-mm.

No no no. I do!

Nacho time for me!

- What's up? - Where you been?

Thought I had a possibility.

My tires are stinky.

What?

That's a catchphrase, somethin' I’m workin' on.

- How we lookin'? - Shit, place is a hatchery. It's stupid.

- I wanna be an architect. - Whoa, over there.

See it? Dress suit, sneakers. Work hard, play hard.

I could go back to school, be an architect. People like architects.

Dude, what are you talkin' about?

You make really good money at your job.

I just... I just...

I don't think insurance is, like, all that interesting,

you know, as a lifestyle.

- Whoa. - Caught 'em peekin'.

- You ready? Let's rock 'n' roll. - Sweet.

Hey, so if they ask, I’m gonna tell 'em I’m an architect.

Hey, tell 'em I work with kids.

Hold these.

No no, seriously, I used to get beat up

like twice a week for having such thick eyelashes.

- ls that your card? - No.

All the way to the seventh grade, and that's when I decided

that's it, and I went for my black belt.

ls that your card?

- No. - No.

- That's so sad. - Yeah.

- I'd kill for those. - Well, now yeah, sure.

- ls that your card? - Yes!

My God, that is incredible!

That's what we do.

My God.

How'd you do that?

Come on.

Did you have that in your mouth the whole time?

What is that?

It's my kitty cat.

Mmm, it is sparkly and beautiful.

Thanks.

Are you a cat person?

I love cats.

- Yeah? - Meow.

- I love pussy... - What?

...cats too.

Excuse me,

you want me to close out your tab, sir?

Sir? Somebody's dad show up?

Do you want me to put this on your daddy's card?

no, you can just close it out.

Awesome.

Fine.

Wow.

So what do you two do?

- We're architects. - Cool.

Wow.

I love buildings.

Barry...

I’m married.

We could just mess around here if you want.

Okay.

I don't know.

Thank you.

Hi.

Excuse me, sir.

Sure.

Sir?

Okay.

- Can I help you? - Yes, please.

Coffee.

No Duds. That's my candy.

- I’ll have a soda. - Okay.

Dos.

It's ridiculous how much soda costs these days, right?

Like, what do I buy,

soda or a sofa?

Yeah.

Well, it was nice talkin' to you.

- You don't want to sit with me? - Well...

I guess.

I’m a down front kind of guy.

No no no no. Seven rows from the back,

and four in from the left.

That's pretty specific.

Yeah, it's sort of OCD, but screw it.

I like what I like, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I do. I almost always,

after I click my lock a couple times on my door...

So, Barry, what do you do?

Architecture.

Barry,

if I told you right now

that you would never ever ever

get your hand down my pants,

would you still talk to me?

Talk about what?

Hey...

What the hell's goin' on?

Dad, what are you doing here?

Dad? Sir...

I do remember thinking

why would a dude bring a trumpet into a movie theater?

Barry?

Barry, can you tell us what happened?

We were talking about architecture.

Barry, I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you,

but we couldn't save them.

Save who?

Barry, your testes.

Testicles. We had to remove both.

We really tried to save the left one,

but it was simply too ruptured.

It seems that during the accident with the...

- Trumpet. - ...trumpet.

What are you saying?

You're saying I lost my what?

Amnesia.

- Did I lose my... - Whoa.

- ...you know? - Penis?

No.

You really don't remember what happened to you down there?

We were talking about architecture.

Get out of there.

This is kinda like when you had your tonsils out.

Well, kinda.

Honey, that's binding.

Thanks, Mom.