A Little Bit of Heaven

: Come on, let's go. Come on, kiddo.

-We're going to have some fun. -(Cammie): Yeah!

: You know I'm the best friend ever. Now get out of here.

-(Renee): Have fun. -We won't be back till after five, so

-have lots of sex with your husband. -Marley!

Hot, steamy, unbridled sex.

Thank you. You all have fun. Be good for Marley.

: We're gonna be good, Mommy.

-No sugar. -Course not.

-She said no sugar. -Love you, Mommy.

Take care. Have fun with her.

Make that magic happen!

-Ready, baby? -Yes.

-What are we gonna do today? -Go get some sugar.

What?! Sugar?

: If you think this is what I want out of life,

you know, the whole matrimonial, maternal fairy tale, you're wrong.

It's not for me and that's okay, because this idea

that you have to fall in love in order to live happily ever after

is just not true.

: Stanley...

Stanley...

you gotta get up, buddy. I gotta go to work.

Hey!

Yeah, good morning.

Oh, Shit.

I would totally get my brother to go out with you, if you walk Stanley.

If I had a brother.

Stanley!

Good boy. Good boy.

There he is. Good morning.

If I didn't have to work, I'd cuddle with you. Love the undies!

: : Excuse me.

Oh, my God.

-Here you go. -Thank you.

-Wow! -You need to watch where you're going.

Hello. Poster child for not mixing wine with vodka.

You drank twice as much. How are you okay?

-Are you okay? -Ohh h.

Are you? Say yes.

Ohhh!

-Glad you could join us. Ready? -I thought you were doing this.

Okay, why don't we start. Marley?

-Good morning. -Morning.

I'm sure this town has been pitching the hell out of you,

so I won't bother with that.

But I will tell you that you'll never be number one

as long as your customer base is 82 percent male.

Yes. Well, women don't buy condoms.

Not yours.

Come on, gentlemen. As I'm sure you're all painfully aware,

it is women, myself included, who dictate when, where,

how, with whom and how many times we're going to have sex.

We can't always count on the man to have condoms lying around.

So we actually do go buy them and then we end up in the condom aisle

with a choice. So which brand do we buy?

Do we buy Trojan, whose very name conjures the essence of

penetration with protection?

Or do we choose the one with the skanky-looking girl,

with big tits,

skimpy shorts and stripper pumps?

I'll keep this one.

-Hey! -Yay! Hi, baby.

She had them and their condoms wrapped around her little finger.

-Alright! -To the youngest, the hottest

vice president in the history of advertising.

You should think about buying a house now.

Yeah, why take the time to stop and smell the roses?

What you need is a big, fat mortgage like an albatross around your neck.

Okay, in honour of Marley’s white-trash taste buds we have...

Mac and cheese pizza?

You know what I want for my birthday? Your metabolism.

I'll trade you my metabolism for those boobs.

Throw in that necklace and you've got a deal.

Baby, that's a good trade.

Hey. She's gonna have her own boobs soon enough.

Way to keep a secret, Marley.

-Are you getting implants? -No.

-I'm pregnant. -You're pregnant?

-Cammie's getting a brother. -Another one.

But we're not ruling out the implant thing.

-You're disgusting. -Cheers. To you, Marley.

To us.

-Bye, you guys. -Good luck out there.

-Congratulations on the new boy. -May he be happy and healthy.

-And may he have a huge penis. -Geez! You are just terrible.

-Speaking of terrible... -Speed down.

-Marley made a booty call. -Shut up.

-I'm serious, baby. -Bye, good night.

Good night, Doug.

-Love you. -Love you.

Hey, Doug. Wanna come over?

Oh, you're coming over. No, you are coming over.

: Oh, my God! Oh!

: Oh!

Mmm, not bad, mister.

Not bad at all.

Oh!

So, does this mean I actually get to spend the night?

I mean, I love being the first number on the booty call list, but...

Well, second?

Sure.

What if I want something more?

What if I don't'?

Really?

I thought we made that clear when we met.

That's what people say at first, so no one gets hurt.

Not me.

Oh! What? Oh, my goodness. I love you. I love you.

Real.

That's not real. Got it? -Yes.

Real. Okay? Not real.

-Fake. -Fake.

Silicon Valley. Got it? You sure?

Here's a little something to celebrate your promotion.

Thank you, Mommy. Such a kind mama.

Okay. Let's see.

'Congratulations from your best friends forever. Renee, Thomas and Cammie.'

Oh, you're so good with words.

Is this the actual gift, or are you setting me up with him?

The idea is: You take him out and you, um, put a real man in it.

What? Like maybe Doug.

-Who? -Ohhh.

Come on. We all know he wasn't a keeper.

-Poor Doug. -No poor Doug.

-Ohhh. -Thank you.

Thank you.

Could you tell him that Marley Corbett called?

Yeah, that'd be great. Bye, bye.

Okay, I gotta say something.

I think this Vice Presidency is making your tits smaller.

Really?

Yeah.

-Really? -Hm hum.

-Hey. -Hey, Rob.

-Think Marley's tits are shrinking? -Like, right now?

-No, in general. -Uh, yeah.

-How are we doing on Coffee Land? -Great. Our favourite so far.

'Drink this dark-flavoured spit and it'll make you shit.'

-Tell him the others. -Can't. He has to be across town at 1,

beck here for storyboards at 3 and dinner at 6

and after dinner we have drinks with the Home Depot.

That's why I love this woman. I love you.

Jesus. He's running you ragged.

You look-- not so good.

-When did you last see a doctor? -Does Dr Phil count?

Ow!

Shit.

: Oh.

You look familiar.

-Have we had sex? -No, um, I'm sorry.

Never mind. I was just joking.

-Marley, I'm Dr Goldstein. -You're Dr-- Goldstein?

-Yes, I'm Jewish, from Mexico. -No. I mean,

I just expected somebody older, not so--

young.

Take a seat.

-So, Marley... -Hmm.

-What seems to be the problem? -Not so sure. Hence being here.

Look up. So you've been experiencing some weight loss, right?

-Umm... -And you had some blood in your stool?

Yes, I've been experiencing

some of that bleeding you're talking about.

Just lie on your back. I'm gonna feel around your stomach, okay?

-Just relax. -Okay.

I'm kind of ticklish, so don't be a wuss.

Don't get all feather-fing...

Ow!

Okay, Marley, we're gonna need to run some tests.

-Up! Time. -Oh, no, no, no.

-Pens. -There's still two more seconds left.

-What are you doing? -Down. Pens down.

Is it weird that I always find the word 'slut'?

Too bad you only get two points for 'slut'.

Whore gets you three points.

Time.

It's pink juice time.

-Think of it like, like bubble gum urine. -Yummy! Bottoms up.

Mmm. Uh mmm.

Isn't this stuff supposed to clean you out?

Maybe you didn't do it right.

How can she not do it right? She drank it.

Maybe she drank it too fast, or, I don't know, too slow.

Ooh! Aw! Yee-ha-ha.

: Let us know when it starts working.

: Oh, my God!

-Good morning, Marley. -Oh, really.

Is it? I'm about to get a huge camera stuck up my butt.

So I don't know if that qualifies as good.

I just need you to sign this document which states that you understand

all the colonoscopy's risks, which include heavy bleeding, uh,

infection, perforation, rupture.

On a scale of one to ten, one being 'never'

and ten being 'happens all the time',

what are the chances of you rupturing my ass?

Well, not. The chances are very slim.

It's, uh, more procedural.

Good, well, procedure away, my friend.

This is gonna be fun.